Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
In a few months I will be starting my career. This job will bring in a good bit of money.
My partner knows about this and has started to drop things on how we'll be able to do certain EXPENSIVE things in the future, and the expectations placed on me are unsettling.
I will be working 12 hour days, sometimes more.
I was actually hoping to live a frugal lifestyle, not that much more expensive than my current one. Reason is, I want to save for early retirement.
This relationship is serious, and I'd really like to keep it going. So how do I explain these goals without risking loss or disappointment?
Why are you in a serious relationship at your age? Your only goal in life right now at least outside of your career and family should be getting laid as much as possible with as many different women as possible. Don't even think of getting serious with a girl till you're at least in your early 30s.
explain to her what your goals are. how you want to retire early etc. this relationship may be serious, but what if it doesnt work out? you dont want her going crazy with your money. better to disappoint now than to resent later. be honest.
In a few months I will be starting my career. This job will bring in a good bit of money.
My partner knows about this and has started to drop things on how we'll be able to do certain EXPENSIVE things in the future, and the expectations placed on me are unsettling.
I will be working 12 hour days, sometimes more.
I was actually hoping to live a frugal lifestyle, not that much more expensive than my current one. Reason is, I want to save for early retirement.
This relationship is serious, and I'd really like to keep it going. So how do I explain these goals without risking loss or disappointment?
There is no need to tiptoe around her feelings. She is your girlfriend, not your wife, and this is YOUR money. Please tell me you don't share a bank account? Why is she even presuming to plan how she will spend YOUR money? If she really cares about you and not your money, she will get over her disappointment and understand. If she has a certain lifestyle in mind that she wants, SHE can get out there and start making the money to live it.
Send her a few links to financial planning websites. If she doesn't get the hint, explain what you want to do with your money.
Doesn't gf have her own job?
As a compromise, start a small separate account for vacations. Put a little in it each pay period. Tell her she can start one of her own. Then plan things according to what you can afford.
In a few months I will be starting my career. This job will bring in a good bit of money.
My partner knows about this and has started to drop things on how we'll be able to do certain EXPENSIVE things in the future, and the expectations placed on me are unsettling.
I will be working 12 hour days, sometimes more.
I was actually hoping to live a frugal lifestyle, not that much more expensive than my current one. Reason is, I want to save for early retirement.
This relationship is serious, and I'd really like to keep it going. So how do I explain these goals without risking loss or disappointment?
You can correct her by saying "I will be able to do certain expensive things if I choose to."
Sanction off as much money as you can into a separate account. Tell her, in order to save for early retirement you are having X% of each paycheck direct deposited into an account you cant touch until your 45/50-whatever age you plan to retire.
You are smart to plan ahead. No one needs to count on Social Security anymore. But you don't need to explain frugality to her. You just need to live it.
Go to a financial adviser and set up a retirement account with a certain amount to be automatically withdrawn monthly from your paycheck and deposited into the account. Then forget about that account and be pleasantly surprised in 20 years.
Set aside some for fun, though. Frugality is wise but you need to enjoy life today as well.
Ask her how much she plans to contribute to these "expensive ideas" from HER paycheck.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 02-26-2013 at 07:11 AM..
Reason: remove bad link
For any long term relationship to work, you both need to be on the same page with your financial goals and expectations.
I would start by explaining to her what those are. Basically, early retirement. Tell her your goal is to save a lot, for the purpose of retiring at age X. That you need $Y saved to do it, and intend to devote a large percentage of your income to that.
That doesn't mean you and her cannot do some exciting trips, or spend some either. Don't forget to occasionally treat yourself along the way! Maybe if she sees that both are possible, she will be comfortable and happy with it.
Basically you need some serious conversations, but not adversarial in nature, where the two of you can explain your goals and expectations with finances, and find common grounds where both of your expectations are met.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
