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While there are exceptions to every rule, in general, women are not hardwired to want this kind of relationship.
Those that say they do would have to be careful they aren't lying to themselves, or the men involved.
As far as FWB's go, I think women enjoy being single as much as men do. With FWB, let's be honest, we can be lazy. No family holidays, no argueing over who flirted with who, and no gift requirement/expectation to be romantic.
It's hey, let's hang out tonight, and have fun. And when the night is over "I'll catch ya later."
AND, you can have more than one FWB at a time.
Especially for the people who have been burned in relationships in the past, and don't want the drama anymore. And imagine if the opposite sex normally finds you attractive with plenty of potential partners?
But, to some level, I think it catches up with most people. All of a sudden, someone hits the big 3-0, and they realize they have had soooooooooo much fun, that a normal relationship isn't even mentally feasible anymore. It just isn't fun enough. I know guys that are more guilty of this than women, but I know some women that this happens to as well. I think possibly at some point, they may have been relationship material, before they got wild, but there is a point of no return. From what I've seen anyway.
As far as FWB's go, I think women enjoy being single as much as men do. With FWB, let's be honest, we can be lazy. No family holidays, no argueing over who flirted with who, and no gift requirement/expectation to be romantic.
It's hey, let's hang out tonight, and have fun. And when the night is over "I'll catch ya later."
AND, you can have more than one FWB at a time.
Especially for the people who have been burned in relationships in the past, and don't want the drama anymore. And imagine if the opposite sex normally finds you attractive with plenty of potential partners?
But, to some level, I think it catches up with most people. All of a sudden, someone hits the big 3-0, and they realize they have had soooooooooo much fun, that a normal relationship isn't even mentally feasible anymore. It just isn't fun enough. I know guys that are more guilty of this than women, but I know some women that this happens to as well. I think possibly at some point, they may have been relationship material, before they got wild, but there is a point of no return. From what I've seen anyway.
What trips me out are the single people (which are numerous) who say they are open to both FWB and a serious relationship.
I think it's rather that many MEN are more emotional when they start having sex and I'm talking from my observations. They can't and don't want to stop relationships based on sex with a woman, they are emotionally and physically attached after sex.
I can elaborate my personal observations on this forum and I think that many women are familiar with this and they use it to gain attention of a man whom they find interested (and it's so cheap indeed).
My general conclusion is that women will rather enter sex with you if they find you "suitable" already, sex is the way for you to "click" with her, not her with you. If she "developed feelings after such relationship", I'd argue that she probably had such feelings BEFORE sex, while for men it's rather otherwise, they develop such feelings that they didn't have AFTER having sex. This is ofcourse just my generalized observation but I have strong reasons why I think it's true since I've noticed it in my relationships as well, and relationships of people around me. Those could be exceptions of the general rule but I'm convinced that it's rather the general rule and opposite way is much less common.
So, my opinion is that this "sex without emotions for men" and "women developing emotions after sex" is rather an urban myth for many men and women.
Most people are too emotional for that to work. It's a great disservice to men, this stereotype that we all disconnect sex and love. Sure, many do. Many women do, too. I think the majority of people want a lasting commitment and the whole FWB thing is a form of settling for less. We accept what we think we deserve. That FWB that you're having while you wait for Mr. or Miss Right will get in your way of finding him or her.
Of course, if you like the whole no strings thing and aren't using it as a holding pattern: Go to it. Just make sure everyone involved feels the same way.
Of course people have feelings for their FWB. I feel deeply affectionate and even love for mine, and they have cared for me too. Because we are friends and have the additional closeness that comes with intimacy. I have known each of them for 10 years or more. We go off and on depending on our geography and whether they are currently in a relationship. Currently I am not seeing any of them but that is my choice for now, and that will change when I have room in my life for that again.
It's ok to love your FWB. It doesn't mean you have to be possessive or want to be in a monogamous relationship with them.
But do you understand that many, many people do not feel the way you do?
My current partner and I are non-monogamous, but we are deeply committed to each other and love each other. But I think situations like yours and mine are the exception.
Many people--and especially men--become DISTRESSED when they find themselves falling for their FWB. They see it as a major problem, and work hard to prevent it from happening.
I've even seen suggested "rules" for preventing emotional attachment. Some of them are just chilling. For example, one set of "rules" suggests a FWB never be allowed spend the night. Another "rule" is no talking about friends, family or other personal topics. Yet another says to never let a FWB leave anything at your house--not even a toothbrush. The idea is to completely reduce the other person to a use object, to never engage with them on any kind of human level. That, I don't understand.
Well there are reasons for that. One a as men we are taught to suppress emotions at a young age, attachments can be suppressed similarly. Secondly it is easier for us to separate emotion from sex, ex. Guys have sex with women they are not even attracted to. The only cases I hear of the man getting attached is when he is really sexually inexperienced. lastly women have a ticking clock when it comes to having kids, that means they can't afford to do the fwb for too long..,they look at you as a potential mate more often. Men can keep it going forever and start a family whenever.
Well there are reasons for that. One a as men we are taught to suppress emotions at a young age, attachments can be suppressed similarly. Secondly it is easier for us to separate emotion from sex, ex. Guys have sex with women they are not even attracted to. The only cases I hear of the man getting attached is when he is really sexually inexperienced. lastly women have a ticking clock when it comes to having kids, that means they can't afford to do the fwb for too long..,they look at you as a potential mate more often. Men can keep it going forever and start a family whenever.
When I was younger I had a few FWB and some FBs. None ever lasted as long as 2 years. IMO there not suspose to. It was a transitional time for me and I did not have the time or energy or want to have a bf/gf relationship. Later, when my life settled down I was ready for actually dating and developing a relationship but remained friends with my FWBs.
At this point in my life, I could go for the FWB or FB situation again. I really dont have what it takes to be in a committed relationship. Not to say I never will be again.
Any FWB situation is going to run a high risk of deeper emotions and complications getting involved. The act releases hormones causing emotional bonding. It's biology, not some character defect.
What trips me out are the single people (which are numerous) who say they are open to both FWB and a serious relationship.
That's easy enough. I'd prefer a relationship, but if a FWB is what I can find, I won't turn it down...
Then again, I haven't had a FWB yet, so...
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