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Question how many of you were involved in an abusive relationship or know someone who was? In my early 20's I dated a guy who turned out to be extremely emotionally abusive to me and made me feel like garbage. At that point he was just emotionally abusive and didn't want to move home to prove to my parents they were right (they hated him). Anyway after a while he did push me and then I knew I had to move out. I moved in with a coworker but had issues with her family (they would cause trouble)so I ended up moving home. Why did I date him to begin with? at the time I met him he seemed nice and responsible. I should mention he was 15 years older too.
I had a friend who got involved with a guy who hit her and refused to leave because "he loves me". She had such low esteem she thought she could do no better. Eventually she did leave.
I mentioned this in another thread but when doing online dating I looked for signs of abuse before meeting them. You can generally tell by comments they make or beliefs they have. One guy said he believed women are abused because they do something to upset the husband and he later admitted pushing his then wife. I knew I wasn't going to meet him (even though I wasn't interested in him really to begin with).
A sad, devastating reality for ALL victims of domestic violence. The only way they will stay permanently protected is if the abuser is incarcerated indefinitely or if they're put to DEATH by lethal injection. Either choice is acceptable if this means the victim(s) can live out the rest of their life in PEACE without the fear of the abuser coming back to finish them off.
I wish I could "unsee" what I just saw.
You don't get the point. System failed both here. I'd even argue that it failed this fool more than her. Maggie will probably spend her life going from place to place seeking someone to be her savior from such life filled with various violent types that she encounters. He will probably spend his life by repeatedly going to prison until he runs into the same fool like him, and then there's a good chance that there's going to be one less fool on this world. Why is that so? Because system works like this - build more safe houses and build more prisons. But first, such cases are generally failed by their family, then they are failed by the system.
In such cases, system is generally acting like doctor when treating the cancer metastasis. I can easily argue what once long ago was said by police inspector - "I can walk into 8-year-old children class and pinpoint a child or two in each class who are very likely going to be serious problem in the future. System fails them and ignores the problem that starts in their homes, then it deliberately fails the ones that need it the most and then they produce more damage that it would take for re-educating that whole class. My decades of experience gave me strong profiling skills, but this task is easy and you can pinpoint them as well. It's just that everyone will ignore them until they hit puberty when the problem violently manifests making it very difficult, and within one or two years it's nearly impossible to set them on right track!"
In my opinion, people are expecting too much of the system. Change starts with the individual, then that individual affects the family, family affects the community, community affects broader masses and brings the change. NOT the other way.
This is the old wisdom of many cultures in human history and was even written on one tombstone in UK about 1000 years ago: “I wanted to change the world.” – Unknown Monk
That's basically the philosophy that you need to be the change that you want to see. People are generally lazy when it comes to making anything by themselves, so such change comes much slower than it should.
A sad series of photos, but sobering. I don't mean anything bad, but I hope some people who never have had to see abuse can see the pain in the faces.
I listened to and saw my mother be physically abused by a boyfriend for 4-5 years when I was in my mid-teens. I felt powerless because at the time I was estranged from my father, and my mother threatened suicide if I told.
If it happened to me now, I'd club the guy myself. I am an extremely kind person, but I have no place in my heart for that man. He ruined our lives. These pictures can't even come close to capturing the pain and fear. Whenever a guy (or woman) jokes about domestic violence, I feel happy that they haven't yet felt the pain that comes with it but disgusted that they have that kind of nerve.
Everybody is screaming "compassion" "understanding" "put yourself in her shoes."
This is not the point, folks
The point is that how do we as a society help these women get out of their situation.
Number one rule, remove the "I am the victim, save me" mentality. Nobody can change the past, NOBODY, but if you stuck in this I am the poor victim mentality, you will never get ahead. You will ways stay at the bottom of the food chain I am sorry. It is the fact
What did this woman do after the domestic violence? Run to Alaska to stay with her ex husband. Duh, this is another disaster in the making.
What society should have done for her is to help her realize her first and her foremost responsibility is herself and her precious children. NOT MEN. NO men can fill the void inside her, nobody can play the rescuer role, she must help herself.
We can show her all the compassion she needs, but what she desperately needed is to rely on herself for happiness. If she really is a contributory member of the society, she should stay away from men, any men for a while, heal her wounds, move forward as a whole person.
Instead, she still chose to run to Alaska for her ex man. Sorry if she does not change her behavior pattern and her mentality, she is forever doomed.
I agree with a lot of this. My only difference of opinion is that I don't know how much "society" can do to help her realize her responsibilities. I think that can only come from herself, with the help of a qualified mental health professional and counselor.
Although there are no justification under the sun for domestic violence, one of the most devastating and disturbing fact about domestic violence is victim triangle of codependency.
Women always came from abusive family, rely on men for happiness, often the women are single moms who had multiple children from previous marriage, uneducated, no job. Waiting outside the bar to flirt with guys in order to find the next meal for their children.
Men are always the ex-convict who are struggling to find a job.
Yep, match made in hell. I'm sure to the serial abusers and the abused this is normal.
Although there are no justification under the sun for domestic violence, one of the most devastating and disturbing fact about domestic violence is victim triangle of codependency.
Women always came from abusive family, rely on men for happiness, often the women are single moms who had multiple children from previous marriage, uneducated, no job. Waiting outside the bar to flirt with guys in order to find the next meal for their children.
Men are always the ex-convict who are struggling to find a job.
This is simply not true.
You know nothing about domestic violence.
Here's some links so you can educate yourself and stop spreading blatant lies about it.
Domestic violence (also known as intimate partner violence) can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, income, or other factors. The Victims
One in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.
Women experience more than 4 million physical assaults and rapes because of their partners, and men are victims of nearly 3 million physical assaults.
Women are more likely to be killed by an intimate partner than men
Women ages 20 to 24 are at greatest risk of becoming victims of domestic violence.
Every year, 1 in 3 women who is a victim of homicide is murdered by her current or former partner.
Domestic violence happens in rich families and poor families. It knows no creed nor colour. Many women did not come from a violent upbringing. Independent women can also be abused. Men who abuse also come from many different backgrounds, they are not all ex cons.
You are doing people a true disservice by these generalised statements that are not supported by any evidence.
And the photog was there strictly to document and nothing else..
Or he was bound for assault charges as well..This is nothing new..
Usually Officers will not protest to photogs since they themselves will take pics of the victim usually the nest day ( When bruises are most prevalent)…
The fact that Shane was a user probably meant he did not protest to much and usually under the influence? It takes extreme intervention to occur for change to happen or curb the behaviors…
When responding to DV calls most Officers attending to these types of calls have protocols..to a DV shelter to get a responding Certified on call DV crisis counselor ( Which I was) once month…
We arrive the scene, take account, we see if there are children present, we offer our services…if the mother refuses? A call to CPS is called in..for failure to protect..
Where the children are dispatched to family members until the situation can be investigated…
I have been at the ER. Where women have been stabbed in the neck that missed the carotid artery by millimeters..and the children were present to see their dad stab their mom in the neck for asking why he spent his whole check on playing cards…
I have been Called to the ER the day after a woman was beaten senseless over the head for taking her children to nearby park after being in our city for 2 years and the only places she was allowed to take her young children were to the nearby store to buy food and his beer!
He found out she took them to the park from a male neighbor and he dragged her out to the alley behind their apt. after she tried to run…
He beat her over the head with a rolling pin, kicked her in her ribs ( broke 4) until she passed out..
He ran and left her in the alley over night…with her 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter huddled around her body in winter and unconscious..
Good neighbor went to throw out trash the next day and found her bleeding and unconscious with her 2 babies huddled around her…
I have seen a lot…disgusting
I was stunned that Shane attacked Maggie in front of a witness, after failing to force her into the basement, and that he allowed the incident to be photographed. I was even more stunned that the photographer did not try to intervene in the assault or when Memphis entered the room. That would go against every instinct I have. I read the article so I know the police were on their way and intervention would probably have escalated the violence, but I wonder for how long the photographer was willing to just watch. They were in a kitchen--Shane could have stabbed her, or hit her head hard against something.
It's hard to understand, I know, but it's a tough situation, to decide whether or not to intervene or do the job and depict it. I would think that enough people in this country know what domestic violence looks like that there's no need to depict it, but obviously I was wrong.
I read the other article about VAWA, and about how Republicans are against the part of it that would let tribal authorities try non-natives for crimes committed against native women. WHO THE HELL WOULD HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS????
I am quite sure this gal did not grow up with a father, and the cycle continues. A very sad story.
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