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Been dating for a little while now. I always try to be a perfect gentleman and treat women with respect and consideration, as my parents raised me to always be on my game when I'm with a woman I fancy. I try to stay away from the typical "nice guy" stuff as much as I can. I don't creep, stalk, get obsessive or any weird behaviors like that. I also don't believe I'm "owed" anything for being "nice".
Thing is....I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Every time I show interest in girls and hang out/spend time/take them out....it never really goes anywhere. They typically just want to be friends. That's cool, I love making new friends and platonic friends are great (some of my best friends are girls and a have a FWB I'm real tight with), but I'm tired of it just stopping there. I'd like to be more than friends with one...but I don't know what I'm doing that always seems to stop it at friendship. This is been going on since I started dating last year. It's really frustrating and makes me feel really inadequate and undesirable.
I watch my friends and other guys with women seem to get into relationships or get laid rather easily (often times with women I dated for a bit and they just wanted to be friends...which makes me really depressed)....two things I'd like to start doing myself. I know I'm physically attractive, have a lot to say, intelligent and have a lot going for me....but it doesn't seem to be enough. I cant tell what other guys do differently that works so well for them. I'm 26 and still sitting here like a confused teenager when it comes to women, and it makes me feel like crap. My friends always tell me to try this "game" stuff....but it seems wrong and really coercive. My friends tell me to not be so nice and kind...but I don't really know what that entails. I don't want to be mean or a jerk.
What am I doing wrong, and what can I do to start generating more interest from women beyond "lets be friends"? I'm....really confused. It makes me think being a gentleman and all isn't really something women my age here in NYC are really looking for. Most of my friends tell me how their mean to them and make them cry...and that just confuses me even more.
Honestly women make the choice pretty fast whether you are someone they would want to date or not. Basically almost immediately after meeting you. They can be much less forgiving than men in this aspect. It's not necessarily about looks either. But more a general type that they like. Doing something different on your part is not likely to change this. Yes many women fall for the cocky types but you either have that or you don't, it won't work if you try to fake it.
I would advise you not to get discouraged and continue to throw yourself out there. Eventually you will find a bite.
Oh precious I am so sorry you're having such trouble. Maybe you're not meeting the right type of woman because you're not searching in the right places. Keep your eyes open for the tell tell signs that a woman might be interested in you. She will give you signs like staring at you when you're not looking, etc. same things men do. Plus at your younger age most of these young women are probably not interested in anything too serious just yet and you might be giving off that serious vibe. Don't get mean just alter your vibe a little. A happy go lucky, "whatever" vibe is usually good at that age. It sounds like the harder you try the worse it gets, right? Relax for a while and see if any of these women start approaching you instead. If you have love to give than there is a woman out there who wants to both accept it and return it back in kind. Good luck.
p.s. women love a great sense of humor on a man too.
Well if you read what he did, he didn't really ask directly that he wanna sex me but we both know what he means if he ask me to go in his room. See what he did there? Like I said I said no because I wasn't ready. So don't be discouraged. Continue dating the girl it means you have a chance.
My husband actually ask me if I was disappointed that he didn't 'press the issue'. I told him I was glad he didn't because I really wasn't ready. He did ask to kiss me though.
We were dating for a month before he made his move. Before, he was always apologizing that he wasn't touchy/feely with me when we say our goodbyes on our dates. He is also shy.
Well a guy I went out with on our 2nd date just kissed me without asking. So I say bye be to him.
It does not hurt to ask first, ya know.
I see what you mean, just wanted some clarification!
This gives me a bit of poise to quit holding back, maybe I'll try breaking the touch barrier a bit (properly). Didnt know asking for a kiss wasnt awkward....I was always told to "just go for it when you're feeling it", cause apparently girls like randomness and spontaneous stuff according to what I've been told/read. I'll try asking next time after a few dates and be a bit more tactful when requesting some intimacy, lke he did.
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