When it comes to dating women...what am I missing? (boyfriend, girlfriend)
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Been dating for a little while now. I always try to be a perfect gentleman and treat women with respect and consideration, as my parents raised me to always be on my game when I'm with a woman I fancy. I try to stay away from the typical "nice guy" stuff as much as I can. I don't creep, stalk, get obsessive or any weird behaviors like that. I also don't believe I'm "owed" anything for being "nice".
Thing is....I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Every time I show interest in girls and hang out/spend time/take them out....it never really goes anywhere. They typically just want to be friends. That's cool, I love making new friends and platonic friends are great (some of my best friends are girls and a have a FWB I'm real tight with), but I'm tired of it just stopping there. I'd like to be more than friends with one...but I don't know what I'm doing that always seems to stop it at friendship. This is been going on since I started dating last year. It's really frustrating and makes me feel really inadequate and undesirable.
I watch my friends and other guys with women seem to get into relationships or get laid rather easily (often times with women I dated for a bit and they just wanted to be friends...which makes me really depressed)....two things I'd like to start doing myself. I know I'm physically attractive, have a lot to say, intelligent and have a lot going for me....but it doesn't seem to be enough. I cant tell what other guys do differently that works so well for them. I'm 26 and still sitting here like a confused teenager when it comes to women, and it makes me feel like crap. My friends always tell me to try this "game" stuff....but it seems wrong and really coercive. My friends tell me to not be so nice and kind...but I don't really know what that entails. I don't want to be mean or a jerk.
What am I doing wrong, and what can I do to start generating more interest from women beyond "lets be friends"? I'm....really confused. It makes me think being a gentleman and all isn't really something women my age here in NYC are really looking for. Most of my friends tell me how their mean to them and make them cry...and that just confuses me even more.
Ewww. NY women seem immature so they prefer men who are mean to them and make them cry? I suggest you to feel better that you dodge drama queens. You just haven't met mature and SANE and non drama queen women like me.
Honestly you sound like my husband. So let me tell you what my husband did to get intimate with me when we were still dating. He invited me to his place, watched TV and we cuddled in his sofa and his hands wander all over me if you know what I mean. If the girl stops you that means she just wants to be friends or maybe not yet ready.
In my case I didn't stop my husband, LOL. I said no though when he whispered for us to get in his room. You know what made me fall in love with him more? He respected my decision. So I kissed him.
So my answer to your question. You are not missing anything. Like I said you just haven't met mature, non drama queen women. You also are not doing anything wrong. Just keep dating being yourself you will eventually meet your match, trust me.
As an FYI, I have always been attracted to good guys like you, never been attracted to jerks/bad guys coz i'm not stupid, ya know.
Last edited by angelinajolie; 03-04-2013 at 05:56 AM..
I'm not sure what you're complaining about here. You say your friends "get laid easily", but you have a FWB! Why do you "feel like crap" if you have a FWB? And you're dating these other women, hoping to get into a relationship? Were you planning on keeping your FWB while you got involved with someone? Am I missing something here?
I'm not sure what you're complaining about here. You say your friends "get laid easily", but you have a FWB! Why do you "feel like crap" if you have a FWB? And you're dating these other women, hoping to get into a relationship? Were you planning on keeping your FWB while you got involved with someone? Am I missing something here?
Damn! missed that! Guess you're not really as 'good' as I want my guy. At least you're getting laid. Also, those women you complain about... do they know about your FWB? Maybe that's the reason. Or are you complaining that they only want to be friends instead of FWB which you want?
Last edited by angelinajolie; 03-04-2013 at 06:48 AM..
You need to flirt with them. You can not end up in friendszone if you keep flirting with them.
To be honest I don't think it is that difficult. Maybe it is in New York, but outside New York I have found women to be quite interested in guys who are decent looking, talkative, successful and knows how to flirt.
Flirting is not difficult, just look them into your eyes, touch them on their arm, etc. You should read some PUA about how to attract women. You don't need to be a jerk, but you got to show the women you are interested in them.
Ewww. NY women seem immature so they prefer men who are mean to them and make them cry? I suggest you to feel better that you dodge drama queens. You just haven't met mature and SANE and non drama queen women like me.
Honestly you sound like my husband. So let me tell you what my husband did to get intimate with me when we were still dating. He invited me to his place, watched TV and we cuddled in his sofa and his hands wander all over me if you know what I mean. If the girl stops you that means she just wants to be friends or maybe not yet ready.
In my case I didn't stop my husband, LOL. I said no though when he whispered for us to get in his room. You know what made me fall in love with him more? He respected my decision. So I kissed him.
So my answer to your question. You are not missing anything. Like I said you just haven't met mature, non drama queen women. You also are not doing anything wrong. Just keep dating being yourself you will eventually meet your match, trust me.
As an FYI, I have always been attracted to good guys like you, never been attracted to jerks/bad guys coz i'm not stupid, ya know.
I see what you mean here, thanks for the great response. Do women expect guys to ask for sex like that? I'd feel weird doing so. I always thought you just go out on dates until it happens or something, I really don't know how it works. How long did he wait before he expressed that he wanted to get intimate with you/express he wanted to be more than friends? Is there ever a time when it's NOT okay to do that? I'd hate to make someone feel weird by putting that out there.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
I'm not sure what you're complaining about here. You say your friends "get laid easily", but you have a FWB! Why do you "feel like crap" if you have a FWB? And you're dating these other women, hoping to get into a relationship? Were you planning on keeping your FWB while you got involved with someone? Am I missing something here?
We see each other maybe once a month, we mostly just talk online. She's the only partner I've ever really had. It's fun when we do stuff, but she has a boyfriend and is in an open relationship, so it kind of feels awkward and I'm starting to dislike it. Ive expressed to her I want to pursue a relationship with someone and be in a closed relationship. If and when I find one, the whole FWB thing is over and done. It was mostly her idea. XD
Quote:
Also, those women you complain about... do they know about your FWB? Maybe that's the reason. Or are you complaining that they only want to be friends instead of FWB which you want?
They don't know, and it's something I plan to end as soon as I find a girl I want to pursue a relationship with and has mutual feelings. I'm not seeking for another FWB (I wasnt initally, she met me one day and was rather voracious about it...she found my virginity to be cute and wanted to get me into sex, if that makes sense, shes sorta kinky), I kind of want a girlfriend and pursue and healthy, loving relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon
You need to flirt with them. You can not end up in friendszone if you keep flirting with them.
To be honest I don't think it is that difficult. Maybe it is in New York, but outside New York I have found women to be quite interested in guys who are decent looking, talkative, successful and knows how to flirt.
Flirting is not difficult, just look them into your eyes, touch them on their arm, etc. You should read some PUA about how to attract women. You don't need to be a jerk, but you got to show the women you are interested in them.
I want to try that out, but I always think I'm being rude/creepy/gross/inconsiderate if I try to. I'd hate to come off like that, I feel awkward enough just talking to women.
Last edited by AxelGraham; 03-04-2013 at 07:27 AM..
Been dating for a little while now. I always try to be a perfect gentleman and treat women with respect and consideration, as my parents raised me to always be on my game when I'm with a woman I fancy. I try to stay away from the typical "nice guy" stuff as much as I can. I don't creep, stalk, get obsessive or any weird behaviors like that. I also don't believe I'm "owed" anything for being "nice".
Thing is....I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Every time I show interest in girls and hang out/spend time/take them out....it never really goes anywhere. They typically just want to be friends. That's cool, I love making new friends and platonic friends are great (some of my best friends are girls and a have a FWB I'm real tight with), but I'm tired of it just stopping there. I'd like to be more than friends with one...but I don't know what I'm doing that always seems to stop it at friendship. This is been going on since I started dating last year. It's really frustrating and makes me feel really inadequate and undesirable.
I watch my friends and other guys with women seem to get into relationships or get laid rather easily (often times with women I dated for a bit and they just wanted to be friends...which makes me really depressed)....two things I'd like to start doing myself. I know I'm physically attractive, have a lot to say, intelligent and have a lot going for me....but it doesn't seem to be enough. I cant tell what other guys do differently that works so well for them. I'm 26 and still sitting here like a confused teenager when it comes to women, and it makes me feel like crap. My friends always tell me to try this "game" stuff....but it seems wrong and really coercive. My friends tell me to not be so nice and kind...but I don't really know what that entails. I don't want to be mean or a jerk.
What am I doing wrong, and what can I do to start generating more interest from women beyond "lets be friends"? I'm....really confused. It makes me think being a gentleman and all isn't really something women my age here in NYC are really looking for. Most of my friends tell me how their mean to them and make them cry...and that just confuses me even more.
Ask your female friends where you failed with them, and ask your male friends how they get females so easily, (the ones that are in relationships, since you are looking for a relationship and not just a lay). Think about how you met these females, do they show some similar characteristics, do they know each other, did you meet them in similar situations, and then change it up. Look at your preference in females, and tweak it a little bit if it's getting you no where. Best of luck.
First rule is to never "feel like crap" because you can't have a date. Dating doesn't define you and you can live without a single date just fine, even better than when you date. This changes very much of your perception immediately.
When you're after finding a relationship, make it clear so that she knows that you're interested in dating and pursuing a relationship from the very first date that you two have. Focus on what you want to see in a woman and pursue such woman.
This would rather be the short description.
I see what you mean here, thanks for the great response. Do women expect guys to ask for sex like that? I'd feel weird doing so. I always thought you just go out on dates until it happens or something, I really don't know how it works. How long did he wait before he expressed that he wanted to get intimate with you/express he wanted to be more than friends? Is there ever a time when it's NOT okay to do that? I'd hate to make someone feel weird by putting that out there.
Well if you read what he did, he didn't really ask directly that he wanna sex me but we both know what he means if he ask me to go in his room. See what he did there? Like I said I said no because I wasn't ready. So don't be discouraged. Continue dating the girl it means you have a chance.
My husband actually ask me if I was disappointed that he didn't 'press the issue'. I told him I was glad he didn't because I really wasn't ready. He did ask to kiss me though.
We were dating for a month before he made his move. Before, he was always apologizing that he wasn't touchy/feely with me when we say our goodbyes on our dates. He is also shy.
Well a guy I went out with on our 2nd date just kissed me without asking. So I say bye be to him.
Assuming you are dating woman your age and under, I would say this is a classic case of being put in the friends zone. A high percentage of girls and guys are just looking for fun, fling, sow their wild oats, etc when they are in their early to mid 20's. When you date in this demographic and display class, manners, respect, etc you are displaying signs that you are relationship material. This isn't a bad thing, but the aforementioned people aren't looking for that. They don't want to be tied down a lot of times, or anything super serious and they are afraid that's what you want. The result is you are immediately dismissed to friendsville. I had this same problem in my late teens to early 20's. I was born and raised a southern gentlemen. Every girl I met it seemed would go out on one date, make this remark: "you're going to make a great husband one day" and then hand me a first class ticket to friendsville. Needless to say, I managed to stop being "too nice" and "too serious". The question is, what are you looking for? If you are looking for a serious long term relationship. Then don't change. Don't stop doing what you are doing. You are filtering out those who are not ready. If you are not seeking a serious long term relationship and want to get in on the flings despite having a FWB, I'd say, throttle back the "nice guy" bit, don't be anxious and don't cater to their whims, don't be too available and be careful at displaying an image that reflects a goody two shoes persona. Girls usually want to hook up with a bad boy, not a squeeky clean gentlemen even when they say otherwise.
I'll also add this. It sounds like you may be displaying some signs, some cracks in your foundation. Or at least you are on the verge of, another problem. A lack of confidence. Which is understandable, considering you are experiencing the same results over and over. Woman have some built in radar where they can smell insecurity and a lack of self confidence. You can try and fake it all day long, but your body language will betray you before a slip of the tongue. Don't put yourself down or put anyone above you based on dating success. Dating for guys is extremely tough. Woman just don't have any idea how tough we have it. Wars have been fought over woman. Competition is fierce and the opposition never seems to let up. And at the end of the day, they hold the keys. Try not to let it consume you. Some guys are just better at the game than others. So don't beat yourself up. Try not to care so much. A carefree, devil may care attitude will go a long way to helping you navigate these waters. Otherwise, frustration will just consume you and make things harder. Hope this helps.
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Am I missing something here?
Guess you're not really as 'good' as I want my guy. At least you're getting laid. Also, those women you complain about... do they know about your FWB? Maybe that's the reason. Or are you complaining that they only want to be friends instead of FWB which you want?
