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Old 03-05-2013, 07:33 PM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,679 posts, read 41,529,573 times
Reputation: 41302

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I have gotten this saying a few times and a few variations; "that is why you are single", " you will always be single with that attitude", "when you end up old and alone".

I think pulling the single card is very bad taste for these reasons.

1. You do not know whether the person is even looking for a mate or even cares about finding a mate.

2. The person may have a emotional reason why they choose to be single. A bad marriage or relationship may turn them off dating, choosing not to replace a mate who has passed on, frustration with dating, etc.

3. Our society holds marriage and family up as the holy grail, which downgrades single folks already. Basically if you are single by choice or not by choice you are a loser.

So basically I think it is just an insult to say "why you are single."

Agree?
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:37 PM
 
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
11,157 posts, read 13,928,033 times
Reputation: 14935
Yeah, it does sort of make assumptions about the person to whom it is directed. But if it is coming from a close friend who has been the "shoulder to cry on" or a willing ear through many a venting session, I wouldn't consider it inappropriate in certain settings. Like the frustrated single gets nervous and stands up a promising date, and the friend says, well you know...
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
38,967 posts, read 27,341,947 times
Reputation: 15909
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I have gotten this saying a few times and a few variations; "that is why you are single", " you will always be single with that attitude", "when you end up old and alone".

I think pulling the single card is very bad taste for these reasons.

1. You do not know whether the person is even looking for a mate or even cares about finding a mate.

2. The person may have a emotional reason why they choose to be single. A bad marriage or relationship may turn them off dating, choosing not to replace a mate who has passed on, frustration with dating, etc.

3. Our society holds marriage and family up as the holy grail, which downgrades single folks already. Basically if you are single by choice or not by choice you are a loser.

So basically I think it is just an insult to say "why you are single."

Agree?
Yes I do agree.
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Arizona
326 posts, read 477,159 times
Reputation: 304
I agree as well.

If they say it again, tell them this:

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Old 03-05-2013, 07:48 PM
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
31,374 posts, read 20,008,392 times
Reputation: 14068
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I have gotten this saying a few times and a few variations; "that is why you are single", " you will always be single with that attitude", "when you end up old and alone".

I think pulling the single card is very bad taste for these reasons.

1. You do not know whether the person is even looking for a mate or even cares about finding a mate.

2. The person may have a emotional reason why they choose to be single. A bad marriage or relationship may turn them off dating, choosing not to replace a mate who has passed on, frustration with dating, etc.

3. Our society holds marriage and family up as the holy grail, which downgrades single folks already. Basically if you are single by choice or not by choice you are a loser.

So basically I think it is just an insult to say "why you are single."

Agree?
You're certainly entitled to your feelings. Have you told these probably-well-meaning folks how you feel about what they say?

If you're single by choice and not interested in seeking a potential mate, I see no reason why you can't say so. If others impugn a certain "wrongness" to your choice, the problem/wrongness is theirs, not yours and no further explanation/clarification/rationalization should be proffered.

If you're currently single but wish you weren't - it might not be a bad idea to consider what these folks are talking about. Acknowledging and working to change problematic aspects of ourselves is a process. But before any change can occur, it must be understood and accepted that one is required.
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:53 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,564,498 times
Reputation: 12334
Does society really look down on single people?
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:53 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,537,716 times
Reputation: 16394
Eh, I've been told that so many times it doesn't even have an effect on me.

"You're going to ComiCon dressed like April O'Neil? No wonder you're single"
"You don't wanna go out on Friday because a new video game came out? No wonder you're single."
"You're wearing heels out, you're already tall enough! No wonder you're still single"
"You're going to a Star Trek convention dressed like Ltn Uhura so you can get drunk and yell 'Course laid in, Captain' at guys and watch them get butthurt because that was technically Sulu's line...no wonder you're still single."

Ok.... in retrospect that last one may actually be a good reason as to why I'm single.

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Old 03-05-2013, 07:53 PM
 
Location: The Island of Misfit Toys
2,765 posts, read 2,779,444 times
Reputation: 2366
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
I have gotten this saying a few times and a few variations; "that is why you are single", " you will always be single with that attitude", "when you end up old and alone".

I think pulling the single card is very bad taste for these reasons.

1. You do not know whether the person is even looking for a mate or even cares about finding a mate.

2. The person may have a emotional reason why they choose to be single. A bad marriage or relationship may turn them off dating, choosing not to replace a mate who has passed on, frustration with dating, etc.

3. Our society holds marriage and family up as the holy grail, which downgrades single folks already. Basically if you are single by choice or not by choice you are a loser.

So basically I think it is just an insult to say "why you are single."

Agree?
I agree...plus who's to say which being connected to others is better than being alone? Relationships these days are loaded with turmoil and stupidity and usually work and chores because we are so materially driven these days.

A relationship with someone basically boils down to someone else using up your life, your energy, your time, determining your actions and, in the bad cases, consuming your contentment when that all could have went to yourself had you stayed alone.
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Old 03-05-2013, 07:56 PM
 
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,679 posts, read 41,529,573 times
Reputation: 41302
Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth View Post
Does society really look down on single people?
Hell yeah!

Every time I express I'm not into (the stereotypical) family life, I get the condescending "you'll change your mind." I have half a mind to cuss that person out right on site.
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Old 03-05-2013, 08:10 PM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,564,498 times
Reputation: 12334
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter View Post
Hell yeah!

Every time I express I'm not into (the stereotypical) family life, I get the condescending "you'll change your mind." I have half a mind to cuss that person out right on site.
They only say that because they don't know what else to say because it's uncommon and they assume that you actually want it deep down, and, therefore, want to hear that.

I know how you feel though. People make comments to me all the time because I'm thin, not knowing that they are being insulting.
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