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If I were you, I'd stay out of it. Whatever consequences they face from their actions will ultimately affect them in the end. Sure, their secret affair (if this is what it is) will affect their co-workers productivity and morale to some degree - but, aside from you directly telling them to work elsewhere or to stop doing what they're doing - there's really nothing you can do about it as they're consenting adults and they're free to live their lives as they please. Getting involved in this mess will constitute you navigating a VERY slippery slope, which could very well affect your job and career if this situation doesn't end well.
okay, here's the situation: i have two subordinates who i strongly suspect are engaged in an extramarital affair with each other, and yes, both are married with children (30s woman=3 minors, 50s man=2 adult). One of my assistants even recently shared with me talk she overhead between them of a secret apartment . . . go figure. Anyway, I am generally of the opinion that this kind of activity will eventually surface, and often resulting in unfortunate consequences. Truly, I'm not that bothered by it because it's not really my business, however, I am also dealing with some intraoffice politics (assignments, productivity, accountability, personality friction, etc) that I know is being driven by this special relationship these two have. And frankly, I'm hoping that these two find other job opportunities elsewhere sometime in the near future because that are obviously "unhappy" with my and other's efforts to address and establish a more cooperative, harmonious, and productive office. Long time ago I learned to keep my private life separate from my work life ("don't sh_t where you eat") but others apparently don't seem to pay any attention to that rule.
Anyway, any thoughts, experience, or advice would be greatly appreciated since I could use some anonymous feedback on this one. And I know, I will never have any hard evidence, but I am interested in hearing have others have addressed/resolved this situation.
Thanks!
Unless you have a good HR department (Then it's their problem), there's only one way to handle this absent direct proof, particularly since you don't seem to value them as employees.
Call them both into your office after hours. Tell them about the gossip that has reached your ears, that you would want to disbelieve it, but it would be an immediate firing offense if this were true, leaving them having to make some very uncomfortable revelations to their respective spouses. Then report that your intent is not to conduct an investigation but to advise them of how their behavior is being perceived and what the consequences would be if the gossip proved to be true.
Here are the possible outcomes:
1) They cool it.
2) They quit the company.
3) They keep at it and get fired as a result.
No matter which of these happen, the problem is solved.
Anybody who says it's not the OP's business has never been in a supervisory role. This kind of conduct can be extremely disruptive to an office in terms of productivity and in terms of relationships with the rest of the staff. It's always a mess.
I once worked at an office of 27 people where three different affairs were going on. As a result, there were always alliances springing up between the two lovers, or two others would have a falling out which would affect communications and the entire tone of meetings. And, of course, there was the situation where the president of the company was caught by his wife redhanded diddling an employee and filed for divorce. He checked into a hotel with some champagne and some Rocky Road ice cream and shot himself.
And one of my biggest clients was a very attractive woman who was always wanting me to take her to lunch, drinks, whatever. The alarm bells kept going off in my head, so I always kept our out-of-office meetings to lunches. Well, as it turns out, she was fired six months later for having a long-term affair with -- get this -- the head of HR at her office. Not only that, but their families would take vacations together. And just to add to the weirdness, she bought an exact duplicate of the guys wedding band -- even scratched it up to make it look like the original -- and had "You're Really Mine" engraved on the inside. I swear. I'm not making this up.
This kind of conduct can be extremely disruptive to an office in terms of productivity and in terms of relationships with the rest of the staff. It's always a mess . . . always alliances springing up between the two lovers, or two others would have a falling out which would affect communications
My last employer had a high turn-over of managers. One of the last managers had an affair with a co-worker. It was the worst display by two "adults" I've ever seen. They were too immersed to realize that everyone knew, and it certainly wasn't difficult to figure out. Anyone could see it just by watching their interactions. Morale was in the toilet, because everyone was working to keep the customer base happy, except the two of them.
And, of course, the affair didn't last. I wonder if dating a co-worker ever reallydoes work . . .
I think it's smart to confront them and simply say, "Here is the gossip that is going around the office." Of course, you couldn't say where you heard it.
If it's true, they will most likely become so uncomfortable, one or both of them will find another job.
If it isn't true, they will be more careful about their behavior in the office.
I do think it's important you confront them. If you don't, and they find out that this rumor has been swirling around the office and you heard it and didn't say anything, it could appear that you were one of the gossip-mongers.
Anybody who says it's not the OP's business has never been in a supervisory role. This kind of conduct can be extremely disruptive to an office in terms of productivity and in terms of relationships with the rest of the staff. It's always a mess.
This x100. This situation is a manager's nightmare.
I think it's smart to confront them and simply say, "Here is the gossip that is going around the office." Of course, you couldn't say where you heard it.
If it's true, they will most likely become so uncomfortable, one or both of them will find another job.
If it isn't true, they will be more careful about their behavior in the office.
I do think it's important you confront them. If you don't, and they find out that this rumor has been swirling around the office and you heard it and didn't say anything, it could appear that you were one of the gossip-mongers.
Yes indeed. It is really a 'proceed with caution' kind of situation. But one that has to be done anyway by any manager worth his or her salt. If the OP is still tuned in, here are the points that have to make it into your little chat with the two.
1) You are attuned to the office gossip, but don't repeat it.
2) This is the gossip that's going around about the two of them.
3) Note that you prefer not to be believe such gossip, but that you have a duty to ask. You are not conducting a witch hunt, but you prefer to be direct and ask rather than snoop. You respect them enough to do it that way.
4) Point out the corrosive effect that an affair between two colleagues would have on productivity and morale, PARTICULARLY if one of the participants has a higher rank in the company than the other.
5) Point out the damage that an affair would have on their professional standing, with colleagues and clients alike.
6) Point out that it is expressly forbidden in the personnel policy -- and for very good reasons.
7) Finally, that if such an inappropriate relationship were indeed discovered, it would result in their immediate dismissal.
8) Ask if there's anything they would like to say. Anything that they tell you in that meeting will remain confidential and will not be relayed to HR. But this is their only chance to come clean without repercussion. If they do indeed fess up, then help them understand the position they're putting themselves in as both professionals and as spouses, and the position they're putting you in as a manager.
That's it. Five minutes, tops. Do not allow a prolonged discussion. If they want to argue that they are the subject of vicious rumormongering, then advise them to not give others a reason to spread rumors.
What is the supervisory relationship between the two? If one is in the chain of command of the other, you need to act on it quickly. If you don't, you're open to harassment suits, not only from the two, but by others who might feel they've been discriminated against because of favoritism. Is there a policy on relationships? If not, making a new one will not affect the two as they are grandfathered in, just as you can't fire a married couple after you created the policy. If there is a policy and they are in violation, I'd bring in the supervisor and lay it out to him/her. Give them a choice for one of them to resign or fire the supervisor. If favoritism has been happening, bring in the supervisor and let them know you know. If it doesn't stop, a termination is in order. Beyond that, there is nothing more you can or should do. Just keep everything business related.
What is the supervisory relationship between the two? If one is in the chain of command of the other, you need to act on it quickly. If you don't, you're open to harassment suits, not only from the two, but by others who might feel they've been discriminated against because of favoritism. Is there a policy on relationships? If not, making a new one will not affect the two as they are grandfathered in, just as you can't fire a married couple after you created the policy. If there is a policy and they are in violation, I'd bring in the supervisor and lay it out to him/her. Give them a choice for one of them to resign or fire the supervisor. If favoritism has been happening, bring in the supervisor and let them know you know. If it doesn't stop, a termination is in order. Beyond that, there is nothing more you can or should do. Just keep everything business related.
Here's another story. One of managers in my company is having an affair with his worker. He is generally a very jerkish guy and has an unmarried fiancee (they don't have children but they live together for longer than I work in same company, and I work there for over 2 years already).
He generally pisses me off. The "lady" he's having an affair with is rather very naive or stupid, but she obviously doesn't mind that he lives with another woman, because she KNOWS about his unmarried wife. Truth be told, he (and another guy, our accountat) was telling many times that he doesn't plan on anything serious with his "wife" (he calls her wife, so go figure!). She once came into our company to talk with him and then the situation exploded and he shunned her in front of everyone. I can not believe that the other woman stayed with his kind of moron, but guess what, BOTH women stayed with him.
Personally I try to tell myself that I don't care because she manages the other subsidiary and not my own, but I'm at war with my boss anyways and I don't like that manager either. I'd have him shot at times, but then again I'm trying to make myself professional. If I had the power of choice over his staying or leaving, I'd probably use up any excuse to fire him, because I don't like his way of personality. I was still into the film of trying to "run the show" in my own company in the near future, and my opinion is that personal integrity is probably the most important thing - if they don't have personal integrity they aren't the persons I'd ever either trust or put into any responsible positions. I'm generally such type of man and I just tolerate jerks because of circumstances.
Thanks everyone for your feedback, especially those who have confirmed its a nightmare situation, and morale is in the toilet since others have approached me about it. They are disgusted and hate the favoritism/covering for each other these two are habitually engaged in. Despite their job responsibilities, but are full of lip service and add no productive value except when it may count.
Me? I'm a special adviser to the CEO and have been a back up supervisor that essentially deferred to my other colleague to handle those management issues until she was fired a couple of weeks ago for her own issues. I also learned early on to not depend on these two because of reliability and quality of work issues, so I only asked them for assistance on admin and low-viz assignments. Plus, I work my arse off for the boss and they know if they are involved in my work, my quality of work and timeliness scrutiny comes along with it.
I also have an outstanding relationship with the HR staff, and they already know these two are working their own agendas. Ironically, I think the HR office is probably glad I'm inheriting complete supervisory responsibilities since I have a reputation for being an enforcer/results oriented type and my ex-colleague was a handful herself, and overlook this internal relationship affair/drama.
Right now, I'm just going to focus on getting them to do their work in a timely and quality manner, and to work up any performance deficiencies. The younger female doesn't have the work skills to do the job (yeah, older guy hired her a couple of years ago) and she is always threatening to find another job because of the pay... so she may pop first.
Wish me luck!
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Whatever consequences they face from their actions will ultimately affect them in the end. Sure, their secret affair (if this is what it is) will affect their co-workers productivity and morale to some degree - but, aside from you directly telling them to work elsewhere or to stop doing what they're doing - there's really nothing you can do about it as they're consenting adults and they're free to live their lives as they please. Getting involved in this mess will constitute you navigating a VERY slippery slope, which could very well affect your job and career if this situation doesn't end well.
