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Hey, I've posted on a few of those threads and so I can say getting back together with an ex was not a bad idea "each and every time".
No offense, but your bias is really showing here.
Whether you believe it or not, people can and do change.
I've told my family story on another thread, but I'll tell it again for this OP and to bring some balance to the thread...
I had an aunt an uncle who divorced and years later remarried.
Their second marriage was very happy and successful.
They had married young the first time and my uncle was just too selfish and immature to give up his hard partying ways for family life.
By the time they were both nearing 40 he had finally grown up, changed his bad attitudes and gotten his priorities in order. He worked very hard to win her over again and prove himself to her. She gave him a second chance.
They were happily married almost 20 years the second time, until cancer took her from us all way too soon.
An anecdotal exception doesn't prove a single thing. An isolated case is hardly an example of wisdom or example. To chide me for bias or giving this story gives someone a false hope or sending someone back into bad situation is reckless. The reality is that people rarely change, if they claim change its only an act or temporary. It is best to leave the past in the past.
Forgiveness is one thing, it doesn't mean you have to repeat the same pattern or allow yourself to be hurt.
It is my expereicne that the behaviors which drove us apart during the marriage have only negatively intensified since the divorce.
She suffers from Narcisstic Personaility Disorder and her sense of importance has soared....the only differecne is that she is now unemployed, was involved in one of the largest (very public) frauds ever, and is considered a pariah but those that used to be friendly with her (they were al the same, each trying to leach off the other).
Karmna is hell.
Marry her again? There is not a day that goes past that i don't pray that she dies a slow death...cell phone inches away from her hand, but unable to quite reach it to call for help.
An anecdotal exception doesn't prove a single thing. An isolated case is hardly an example of wisdom or example. To chide me for bias or giving this story gives someone a false hope or sending someone back into bad situation is reckless. The reality is that people rarely change, if they claim change its only an act or temporary. It is best to leave the past in the past.
Forgiveness is one thing, it doesn't mean you have to repeat the same pattern or allow yourself to be hurt.
I didn't say it "proved" anything
I just said you were not correct to say on all other threads "each and every time" people say getting back with an ex is a bad thing. Clearly my one little story shows that not EVERY time is it a "bad thing".
I would wonder why a couple would have divorced for reasons trivial enough that getting back together would be a consideration.
I really do believe that in life, timing is everything.
Sometimes the right people come together at the worst of times, that's all.
Later on when timing is better (which can happen for various reasons) the chemistry can all still be there and a couple can come back together to work things out.
I know it's not the norm, but I also know it does happen
I just said you were not correct to say on all other threads "each and every time" people say getting back with an ex is a bad thing. Clearly my one little story shows that not EVERY time is it a "bad thing".
First off you accuse me of bias. No smart, not smart at all. Having been though a miserable marriage and subsequent divorce, that's not bias that is experience.
While your story is "nice" it is a clear and obvious exception. Experience being what it is, I stand by and hold fast to me stance. Continue to roll your eyes. I rely on experience. Not just that of my own, also of others who did try to reconcile with their ex, and guess what, it didn't work the second time.
First off you accuse me of bias. No smart, not smart at all. Having been though a miserable marriage and subsequent divorce, that's not bias that is experience.
While your story is "nice" it is a clear and obvious exception. Experience being what it is, I stand by and hold fast to me stance. Continue to roll your eyes. I rely on experience. Not just that of my own, also of others who did try to reconcile with their ex, and guess what, it didn't work the second time.
Your "miserable marriage" and divorce experience have negatively impacted you.
That negative impact has now caused you to have a certain bias.
That's not an insult, it just is what it is. Our life experiences color our views.
The worse the experience, the more negative we will look at such a situation in the future. (Unless we choose to be like Ghandi or Corrie Ten Boom and strive really hard to overcome the anger, hurt and bias.)
I have a close family friend who married right out of high school in the 60s. The marriage lasted a year or so. She then went on and married someone else in her mid twenties, had three kids, and her second husband died when the kids were in their late teens. About 5yrs later (now in her 50s) she reconnected with her first husband. They were happily married for about 15yrs until he died a year or so ago.
I don't think it generally works out to remarry your ex but in this case marriage at 18 was way different than marriage at 50 something.
I have not and don't want to now but right afterwards I was willing to try.
And I do know couples who have reconciled and remarried after divorcing. Two of them were divorced for years and went years without even so much as speaking to each other, only to rekindle their relationship later.
Your "miserable marriage" and divorce experience have negatively impacted you.
That negative impact has now caused you to have a certain bias.
That's not an insult, it just is what it is. Our life experiences color our views.
The worse the experience, the more negative we will look at such a situation in the future. (Unless we choose to be like Ghandi or Corrie Ten Boom and strive really hard to overcome the anger, hurt and bias.)
3
a : bent, tendency
b : an inclination of temperament or outlook; especially : a personal and sometimes unreasoned judgment : prejudice
c : an instance of such prejudice
d (1) : deviation of the expected value of a statistical estimate from the quantity it estimates (2) : systematic error introduced into sampling or testing by selecting or encouraging one outcome or answer over others
1
a : direct observation of or participation in events as a basis of knowledge
b : the fact or state of having been affected by or gained knowledge through direct observation or participation
2
a : practical knowledge, skill, or practice derived from direct observation of or participation in events or in a particular activity
Notice there is a clearly defined difference.
You accuse me of bias. It appears I am not one suffering the bias, according to the definition. Living through divorce, tends to be a huge eye opener.
The difference is I learned for the negative. I am determined not to repeat the same mistakes over and over. Therefore, reconciliation rarely works. Most people are smart enough to see that. When others ask, that is why the strong caution for those who have been down the path of divorce. Now people who feel the need to accuse me of bias when they are clearly confused about the difference between bias and expericne and continue to patronize me, they tend to irritate me. You can't let conjecture get in the way of the facts.
Most people who divorce have pretty solid reasons. Human nature stays inherently the same. You can forgive someone, but it doesn't magically make it better, the wounds will still be there. You can forgive for your own benefit.
Child-free couple is happily married for years. Then one of the spouses decides that he/she needs to have a child after all, to feel fulfilled. They divorce amicably. The spouse who wanted kids makes an attempt and fails. Years pass. He/she is now beyond the age where fatherhood/motherhood makes sense. The couple reunites.
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