About to give up

[phili80]

I think you don't try enough and probably just focus on looks too much. Why don't you approach and get to know a girl who just decently attractive and has a good personality. Get to know her and give it chance. Just challenge yourself to do that. If it doesn't work out, move on. I'm not telling you to lower your standards, just start by meeting girls who you are less intimidated by. You might be amazed by the what you find. Attractiveness if more than just about the exterior. Looks don't last forever anyways.

[lovesMountains]

Originally Posted by flathead4

For the past decade or so I just figured if things worked out they would work out. I served for five years. Got a degree. All the while, just enjoying life. I now work a job making good money, but am unfortunately am on the road most weeks from Monday thru Friday. I take care of myself, and dress decently (although I'm no fashion whiz).

I've never found it easy to make friends even in pastime related get-togethers. I participate mostly in activities that don't really involve the fairer sex. There are relatively few Meetup groups in my area and I feel as if joining one at this point would be under false pretenses. Talking to women is a whole other matter. The miniscule number of times I'm actually around women I'm interested in, nothings happens. Everytime I see a woman I'm attracted to, I tend to think any approach would be unwelcome. Even if I could muster up something. I pretty much don't know any women or have any friends who know any.

I don't know why but this seems to have begun building up just before last Christmas. Spending Christmas and New Years alone brought me down pretty far. I've had a couple of days this last Jan/Feb where I just about gave up. Permanently. I don't really have anyone I can confide in with personal issues. I don't feel comfortable talking with family, and I didn't seem to get far with my best friend. I've put off making this first post for at least a couple of weeks trying to think how I'd word it. But what the hell.

Flathead, it seems to me that you are being your own worst enemy

You are so afraid of rejection that you shoot yourself down before any woman can even reject you! I mean really, "every time I see a woman I'm attracted to, I tend to think any approach would be unwelcome"

Yes, some women might actually reject you. That stings and it does suck. But that's life!

They won't ALL reject you, don't you see?

When it comes to finding a companion you really have to remember that you increase your chances and odds of finding that special person when you simply just increase your interactions with them.

Look how passive you are! No offense my friend, but this approach is just not going to get you anywhere!

You have lived for far too long as a spectator to your own life rather than a real participant.

It would be one thing if you really didn't care about being alone and didn't want a partner of some kind.

But you clearly do! You are dying of loneliness

And no one can fix that for you but you.

You simply have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone and do some things differently.

Are you ready to do that?

[Dr. Clean]

Originally Posted by flathead4

I look in on it from a distance and have absolutely no idea how to play or where to start.

That's easy. Begin by learning how to hang out with women and have a good time, laughs in particular. Start with friends and co-workers at a happy hour or over wine. Keep it platonic, don't focus on looks, focus on being able to carry a conversation about whatever is interesting (celebs, movies, etc) and unusual (bad dates, anything involve men-women relationship, etc). Learn interesting factoids, canned jokes (knock knocks, ask other women their funniest jokes), and stories. Just learn how to set up entertaining times. After that the glowing smiles and google eyes for you will kick in sooner or later.

[Scottay]

Originally Posted by flathead4

Everytime I see a woman I'm attracted to, I tend to think any approach would be unwelcome. Even if I could muster up something.

Well, there certainly are appropriate and inappropriate times and places for asking a woman out but in general, you just need to go for it. It's one of those things that, the more women you talk to and approach the better you get at it. If you dont meet that many women or have that many opportunities and are starting to get really really lonely then you might need a change of scenery. Perhaps a move to a different city in a completely different part of the country is in order.

Originally Posted by flathead4

However, it was all with older women who were working the register.

Dude!!! Perfect opportunity to practice flirting. Flirting with older women is really really easy. They seem to be more receptive to it and there's no pressure because there are no expectations on their part and there is no pent up sexual tension on your part. You should facilitate that scenario.

Homework: Flirt and joke with the next customer service woman over 50 that you meet.

[Scottay]

Originally Posted by John13

As far as making friends - that's something I haven't done in 22 years.

I dont know how you do that John. I can live without a woman but I really enjoy the company of my friends, both male and female.