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Old 03-11-2013, 06:29 AM
 
12,918 posts, read 16,760,890 times
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I used to be very shy. I would blush if certain girls that I knew who liked me talked to me. It didn't mean I was interested in her, though. So blushing doesn't always mean that the shy person likes you.
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:03 AM
 
1,429 posts, read 2,436,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocpaul20 View Post
I have to start by saying that I was a very shy kid too.

This is not a nice thing to say, but I will say it anyway -

Shy people are only interested in themselves. Everything is how THEY feel. What THEY are thinking. How it affects THEM.

Confidence comes by stepping outside the comfort zone and getting embarrassed, rejected, and living with these emotions. This is what everyone else does - if only the shy people (like I was) would realise it. Other people are nervous, other people dont want rejection or to be embarrassed either.

So saving face in relationship issues is very important and not being rejected or embarrassed is absolutely essential in many situations. If you can find a way to be genuinely interested in other people and how they feel, you will probably be able to help them feel more comfortable and at the same time help yourself too.

One such way to save face would be to phrase things so that neither person has to reject or be rejected. Similar to "If someone was to ask you out where would you like to go ?" Asking open questions (look it up) also means that there has to be more conversation - not just a yes/no answer. Finding out about the other person will show what things you have in common to talk about and the shyness will turn into genuine interest in them. Sometimes talking about yourself will also give them something to talk about and may show similar interests. etc etc
Too true!

When I was younger, I never really considered that the other person was feeling nervous, shy, embarrassed, etc - I always only considered how I was feeling.

Good post.
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:31 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,432 posts, read 34,220,846 times
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My son seems pretty shy when it comes to relationship-type behavior. Otherwise, he is outgoing. It always seems as though he falls for female friends of his and then cannot say anything to them about it.

I can understand his worries, however. He is afraid of losing them as a friend either if she just stops talking to him because he has said he likes her or if he is with her and they break up.

Maybe that is selfish behavior, as some have mentioned, but I don't think I would want to lose my best friend, either...
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:56 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,672,030 times
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She guys sometimes hang with bigmouth friends. They can introduce him to other girls.
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:10 AM
 
Location: Henderson, NV
585 posts, read 961,554 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Since several here are shy guys with little to no dating experience I am wondering how you tell a woman you are interested or do you? Do like to get to know her or just stare at her? Are you one of those guys who spends months or even YEARS getting up the nerve to approach a woman you like because you are afraid? Do you like women to approach you? are you so afraid that you have even rejected women you like because you are afraid?

I am curious because I think if more shy guys gave signs they were interested this would inspire women to approach them or give them the guts to do so.
With me it seems to vary. I'm very shy and I don't make the first move most of the time. That usually means a lot of lonely nights talking on the internet and playing around there when I could be out having fun at the clubs and other things that Las Vegas has to offer. The first lady out here after graduating from college I have started just a regular conversation with her. we became friends and hung out a couple times. after two years of hanging out I ask her one day whether or not she'd consider me as anything more than a friend if she wasn't with her boyfriend. I think that was my way of telling her I was interested. she told me she didn't want to answer because it would feel awkward.

The next woman I talked to was the receptionist at my apartment complex. After around a year living there I just went in and got up the nerve to ask if she had a boyfriend. She told me she did. so yeah it takes me a while to do anything. It's my Piscean way (if you're into astrology). I understand many tend to be very shy and don't like getting rejected so we don't make the move.

I am getting kind of discouraged out here. Most of the women I meet are no longer single and I'm not interested in many of the ones that are. I used to be more afraid of getting rejected when I was still in high school. Now, with the many rejections from publishers about my work, I'm kind of used to it. I have never been rejected by a girl though. just out into the friend-zone or extremely late.
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:50 AM
 
456 posts, read 1,166,881 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Since several here are shy guys with little to no dating experience I am wondering how you tell a woman you are interested or do you? Do like to get to know her or just stare at her? Are you one of those guys who spends months or even YEARS getting up the nerve to approach a woman you like because you are afraid? Do you like women to approach you? are you so afraid that you have even rejected women you like because you are afraid?

I am curious because I think if more shy guys gave signs they were interested this would inspire women to approach them or give them the guts to do so.
Honestly, you need to stop being shy. That's the answer. Even many shy girls don't want the shy guy and most non-shy girls definitely do NOT either. Force yourself to become a more outgoing, talkative, smiling person. It's not that hard. Tell yourself every day that you are going to be super outgoing and speak to as many people as possible.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:47 AM
 
2,183 posts, read 2,193,390 times
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Shy to super outgoing? Seems to me there should be a happy medium. Why have to resort to being someone your not? I can be very shy at times but outgoing when comfortable. I will never be super outgoing or talk to and smile at strangers just to be more attractive to others.
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Old 03-11-2013, 11:09 AM
 
Location: Gotham
1,514 posts, read 2,112,223 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Did you send them vibes in person?
Not usually. It all depended on how comfortable I was with the person.
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Old 03-11-2013, 04:00 PM
 
8,012 posts, read 8,167,575 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkBunny View Post
Honestly, you need to stop being shy. That's the answer. Even many shy girls don't want the shy guy and most non-shy girls definitely do NOT either. Force yourself to become a more outgoing, talkative, smiling person. It's not that hard. Tell yourself every day that you are going to be super outgoing and speak to as many people as possible.
Why is your advice limited to only shy guys and not shy girls?
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Old 03-11-2013, 04:09 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,856,684 times
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Btw I am somewhat shy myself but am a woman not a man. However for me I have gotten rid of most of my shyness.
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