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Don't wait. Live your life with this new lady you are lucky to meet and if the ex wants to catch up with you she will and hopefully you will do the right thing at that time.
I was in the divorce business my whole life, first as a lawyer, then a judge.
The key question is, assuming you want to stay together, is can you forgive her indiscretions? If not, it's over and talking further is a waste of time. Move on.
If you have the ability to forgive, and many men do not, it becomes a larger and more difficult question. Good luck with it.
i'm sympathetic, but my guess is that if you ever want to give you, your ex-wife, and your new gf a chance at discovering what is best for everyone, individually and collectively, you need to let go of that anchor and start anew. It's been 2 years since the the affair, your wounds are still fresh, and you're not letting them heal. Go to talkaboutmarriage.com and post your question in the reconcilation forum and see what kind of response you get from others who have reconciled. Good luck.
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