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Maybe his opinions are more valid than yours. He's in the same industry as your wife, it's quite possible that he knows more about it than you do.
Work is one thing. When it's Mike' opinions on schools and steak seasoning, then the husband feels threatened. It's a perceived invasion of what the husband feels should be his territory.
Scooter, if you want to be the man in your house, then YOU have to be the man in your house.
Do not bring up Mike to your wife anymore in the next few days. Like I said, do not make him an issue. Stay connected with your wife and maintain your marriage.
She is enjoying this "relationship" with Mike, but you have to tread very carefully.
Work is one thing. When it's Mike' opinions on schools and steak seasoning, then the husband feels threatened. It's a perceived invasion of what the husband feels should be his territory.
Mike is from the area and Scooter and his wife just moved there, right?
Wouldn't Mike also know more about schools in the area?
Steak seasoning is now like dog urine? You spray it to mark your territory?
People are weird as ****.
Now you see, you've just thrown up about a dozen red flags my friend...
You are the reason that people refer to psychology as psychobabble. You've diagnosed me without ever meeting me. You can read a "dozen red flags" from a few sentences. And your first contact with the person is to insult them. Please tell me you don't charge people in real life.
So I have received some helpful, insightful, responses. But what I'd really like is for men to tell me whether they would have an issue if they were in my situation. My past is not relevant as I'm not looking for advice. I'm looking for personal validation that what I'm feeling is normal, or people to tell me that I'm being overly insecure and the exact same situation would not bother them in their marriage.
If you are a woman tell me whether you would think your husband would be accepting of you being in the same situation as my wife.
Why not just give me the response as if it were someone else writing it? I did start the thread, and it's pretty specific the input I was seeking. I'm not seeking general help with my marriage in this instance. I'm seeking some input as to whether other men in a similar circumstance would feel the same way as I do.
Do you think it's appropriate, under these circumstances, to put a link to another thread I wrote over a year ago in the middle of this? Sometimes I think you take liberties that are not yours to take. Had I asked about the status of my marriage or "What should I do?" then maybe your response would be appropriate. But I was very specific in the input I was seeking.
Quite frankly it's none of your business what I've done in the past year. That would be for a different thread.
I can't speak on behalf of lovesMountains, but perhaps my perspective will give you a different take so that you understand what you're up for when you post a query here. Although I am a "new" member, I used to have another username years ago, and have lurked here for info ever since. I find it the most well-rounded and reliable site that exisits, from moving advice to personal stuff like this.
Every forum is different, but each is well-monitored for its audience. C-D is a place where you should be real. It's not FB. People will call you on BS here, because they're generally more cerebral and interesting than 100 of your closest FB "friends". There's a record of your posts, and people kinda care who you are, otherwise they wouldn't be taking the time to reply specifically to you. Now, they may not always give you the answer you want to hear...but don't ask a question and then dis the answers.
That said, lovesMountains simply wondered a bit more about your background and did the obvious to see if there were other issues. No biggie, just chill. Take the advice, or consolence, or admonishment, or encouragement, or whatever you get here and sort it through for what it's worth. Not everyone here agrees, as you can see. So don't give up.
Now then, I get where you're un-comfy. Without extensive details, I'm not so keen on this particular guy doing the tutoring - mainly because it is such an issue for you. It seems there's a lot more going on, and perhaps the first step should involve a discussion between you and your wife about the things that make you uncomfortable. Here's the thing about insecurity: it's kinda like the old adage, "Hey, just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean somebody isn't out to get me."
So I have received some helpful, insightful, responses. But what I'd really like is for men to tell me whether they would have an issue if they were in my situation. My past is not relevant as I'm not looking for advice. I'm looking for personal validation that what I'm feeling is normal, or people to tell me that I'm being overly insecure and the exact same situation would not bother them in their marriage.
If you are a woman tell me whether you would think your husband would be accepting of you being in the same situation as my wife.
Here's the thing Scooter - feelings aren't right or wrong - they just are.
Everyone is entitled to feel whatever they feel.
But really, it's not up to anyone outside your marriage to validate you or your feelings.
Every marriage is different.
What two people who are actually married to each other have decided is appropriate in their marriage and works for them is what is "acceptable".
One of your problems is that you seem to be looking for some kind of ammunition here to go back at your wife with - "SEE, OTHER PEOPLE THINK WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG TOO!".
Well, what other people think doesn't matter - we aren't married to her.
As was suggested to you on numerous occasions on your other threads by several other posters, you guys need some marriage counseling.
I hope you will get it, as that is really the quickest way to end this several years of misery you've been going through already in this marriage.
One way to look at what your wife found is a mentor. A person who has taken an interest in her career and now has a vested interest in her doing well because he's put his reputation on the line. At this point, I'd assume Mike is a work friend. I'd be more concerned if he just did thing for her alone, and even then, I wouldn't be that concerned. You need to trust your wife, and treat Mike as a family friend, if that's what your wife wants. You've voiced your concerns to her, so now give her a chance to do well.
You are the reason that people refer to psychology as psychobabble. You've diagnosed me without ever meeting me. You can read a "dozen red flags" from a few sentences. And your first contact with the person is to insult them. Please tell me you don't charge people in real life.
I understand where you are coming from. The user; "lovesMountains", also attempted to diagnose me after reading one of my threads; without ever having met me in person.
Those using this forum should recognize that the purpose of this website is to seek advice and receive helpful answers. Researching the OP is hardly helpful in any circumstance………
Steak seasoning is now like dog urine? You spray it to mark your territory?
People are weird as ****.
Obviously you are fortunate to have never been in a situation like this.
It's easy to ridicule and dismiss when you have no idea what this kind of feeling is like.
Help out or move on.
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