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So my wife got a new job in August of 2011. She stayed at the job for a little over a year and then got a job a few months ago that she's much happier at. At the latter part of her job with the first company they had a business retreat to a resort about 3 hours away. Several workers attended as did the two co-owners of the company (both men). My wife's contact person and boss was a woman and she had almost no contact with the two owners, until this trip. During the trip she got to know one of the owners pretty well. His name is Mike. She had some issues with her boss and mentioned them to Mike. He told her that if issues came up to give him a call or shoot him an e-mail or text. She did this and a friendship ensued. I've met the guy a few times and he's seems like a really sincere, nice guy. He's very generous and helpful. When she inquired about her new job she asked him if he knew of the company. He did and he put in a good word with the director and she ended up getting the job. She was only at the job a few weeks and another guy, that is a donor for the charity she now works for (that is the new job), asked if she would be interested in meeting him for lunch to discuss a job opportunity. We found out later that he's a friend of Mike's and that Mike told him about my wife. This potential job is still pending. Mike took my wife and kids out to lunch to discuss what to say in the job interview with his friend. He also met my wife for a glass of wine to discuss what he knew about the company. To be fair he has also met both my wife and I at a bar and paid for our tab. He also took the whole family out to dinner and picked up the entire tab of $258. So he's very generous in general. In addition to this his kids go to a prestigious private school here and he talked to my wife about our daughter coming there. So she has been interviewed, taken the SSAT and we are just waiting to here back. In the meantime he's introduced my wife to many influential people at the school. We were cooking steaks one time and I noticed some special steak seasoning I'd never seen before. I asked where she got it and she said that Mike recommended it. At Christmas she bought a $50 board game for the family to play together (first time she's ever done that). I had never heard of it before. I asked her where she got the idea and she said that Mike and his family play it all the time. He is married and has 2 kids in high school. I've only seen his wife once, at the company Christmas Party. Whenever he goes out with any of us she is never there. Today we got my daughter's SSAT scores and while her reading and verbal scores were really good her math score was below average. My wife mentions that Mike offered to tutor my daughter in math to help her out. He is not a math tutor nor does he have any training or degree in math.
So I brought it up to my wife that I think this guys has an unnatural involvement in our family. My wife just thinks my ego is coming out and that it's no big deal. So I'm wondering how some other guys would feel about this? Mike is in his early 50's, my wife and I are in our mid 40's. I don't think there is any physical attraction towards him from my wife, but the guys is loaded. There is probably a hint of jealousy from that angle, but it's more about his constant involvement in our lives that I find unnatural. My wife says that it's a midwest thing. That's how friends are out here. I was raised in Arizona.
Wow. It sounds like one of those creepy movies where the guy worms his way into a couple's life, then proceeds to distroy it.
I would be wondering what his motives are. I don't trust very many people.
With that said, there is NO WAY I'd let my daughter be tutored by this guy, unless I was there.
It's often funny how different things strike people in different ways. I've never considered anything sinister at all. And I never even thought about being concerned about him tutoring our daughter alone.
You've had issues in your marriage for a while now - not the least of which is your lack of trust in your wife, and your not so hidden anger at having to move across country to "her" old stomping grounds and away from your own for her job.
Now, whether your lack of trust is justified or not - we can't know.
But over a year ago several folks here recommended you guys get some professional help. Did ya'll ever do that?
Well, you know him better than we do, but I wouldn't allow the tutoring either.
All the other stuff does seem like a LOT of unusual interest.
Stay cool. Don't overplay your hand. Don't become "the other man" in your own relationship, but stay on your wife's side and be HER confidant as this relationship with Mike falls apart, which it will eventually.
As long as you don't turn into an insecure maniac and push her toward him. Stay attentive and caring, and be patient with any and all LEGITIMATE interactions.
If at any time she begins to hide things or "forget" to mention them, call her on it - in a loving but direct manner. Your relationship must remain her #1 priority. Be sure she remembers why she married you.
You've had issues in your marriage for a while now - not the least of which is your lack of trust in your wife, and your not so hidden anger at having to move across country to "her" old stomping grounds and away from your own for her job.
Now, whether your lack of trust is justified or not - we can't know.
But over a year ago several folks here recommended you guys get some professional help. Did ya'll ever do that?
Why not just give me the response as if it were someone else writing it? I did start the thread, and it's pretty specific the input I was seeking. I'm not seeking general help with my marriage in this instance. I'm seeking some input as to whether other men in a similar circumstance would feel the same way as I do.
Do you think it's appropriate, under these circumstances, to put a link to another thread I wrote over a year ago in the middle of this? Sometimes I think you take liberties that are not yours to take. Had I asked about the status of my marriage or "What should I do?" then maybe your response would be appropriate. But I was very specific in the input I was seeking.
Quite frankly it's none of your business what I've done in the past year. That would be for a different thread.
Well, you know him better than we do, but I wouldn't allow the tutoring either.
All the other stuff does seem like a LOT of unusual interest.
Stay cool. Don't overplay your hand. Don't become "the other man" in your own relationship, but stay on your wife's side and be HER confidant as this relationship with Mike falls apart, which it will eventually.
As long as you don't turn into an insecure maniac and push her toward him. Stay attentive and caring, and be patient with any and all LEGITIMATE interactions.
If at any time she begins to hide things or "forget" to mention them, call her on it - in a loving but direct manner. Your relationship must remain her #1 priority. Be sure she remembers why she married you.
I appreciate your response. I did speak to my wife about it a few minutes ago. I told her that I thought we approached it the wrong way. I said that we were both trying to convince the other person that our feelings were either valid or invalid. I told her I just needed her to recognize that it does bother me. I don't know that a woman can fully understand because often the roles of men and women in a family situation are quite different. I told her that I didn't necessarily think that either her or Mike had done anything wrong, but that I was feeling like his opinions were more valid in my house than mine were and that I was not comfortable with that. She responded much better and indicated she understood.
Why not just give me the response as if it were someone else writing it? I did start the thread, and it's pretty specific the input I was seeking. I'm not seeking general help with my marriage in this instance. I'm seeking some input as to whether other men in a similar circumstance would feel the same way as I do.
Do you think it's appropriate, under these circumstances, to put a link to another thread I wrote over a year ago in the middle of this? Sometimes I think you take liberties that are not yours to take. Had I asked about the status of my marriage or "What should I do?" then maybe your response would be appropriate. But I was very specific in the input I was seeking.
Quite frankly it's none of your business what I've done in the past year. That would be for a different thread.
Now you see, you've just thrown up about a dozen red flags my friend...
You don't say (unless I missed it) what region you are at now. She says it's a Midwest thing and to me that seems plausible. Come to think of it, my SO is from the Midwest and I noticed some differences in interactions between people when I went to live up there for awhile compared to where I'm from,. (FL). I had to ask her what in heck was rideshare. There were parking lots off of interstates and major U.S. highways with a Rideshare sign and I asked what in the heck is that. She responded, it's rideshare where people park and carpool to work together especially if their jobs are like an hour or so away. It was a foreign concept to me and I responded "You mean to tell me that complete strangers park in the lots and then carpool together greater distances?". She said sure, it's common up here, no big deal.
Another example, she was delayed on a return flight after visiting me, (we started our relationship long distance) and only being stranded just a 3 hour drive from her home, she met up with a couple of guys and the three of them decided instead of waiting for runway conditions to improve they all pitched in on a rental car and just drove the rest of the way home. I was kind of suprised and inquired of her if she didn't have any concerns for her safety doing that and she said no they were older and treated and looked after me well. It's little things like these that folks really don't do in FL in my experience...it's more like a *********, you're on your own, more of a dog eat dog type of environment down here. There are more examples but what I'm getting at is it probably is just a Midwestern thing and they tend to look after and bond with their own more than I'm used to and your situation sounds completely harmless to me.
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