Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Closed Thread Start New Thread
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:18 AM
 
16 posts, read 16,258 times
Reputation: 20

Advertisements

Me and my husband have been dating on and off for 9 years, we have been married a year and 3 months & have a 5 month old son. I dont know what to do, im not attracted to him anymore, we dont even sleep in the same room. When we get a sitter for a night out he goes w his friends and i go w mine. When it comes to our son and opinions about things we can never agree on on anythings, theres never a middle. Do you think we should split up? Some ppl may say its selfish because we have a child but i dont think i should be miserable... either way we will both be in our sons life and he will always be taken care of. Help :/!

 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:21 AM
 
Location: In The Thin Air
12,566 posts, read 10,554,293 times
Reputation: 9247
It sounds like you two are finished. Not sleeping in the same room and going out separately is good sign that it is over. It would be selfish of you to stay together for the sake of your child. The child is young enough right now that it may never become a distraction in his life. Time to seek legal counsel and try to make it as amicable as possible. Best of luck.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,359,138 times
Reputation: 40196
Quote:
Originally Posted by kysmommy View Post
Me and my husband have been dating on and off for 9 years, we have been married a year and 3 months & have a 5 month old son. I dont know what to do, im not attracted to him anymore, we dont even sleep in the same room. When we get a sitter for a night out he goes w his friends and i go w mine. When it comes to our son and opinions about things we can never agree on on anythings, theres never a middle. Do you think we should split up? Some ppl may say its selfish because we have a child but i dont think i should be miserable... either way we will both be in our sons life and he will always be taken care of. Help :/!

First of all, babies change the nature of relationships.

In some cases, they can make you or break you - actually be a real threat to a relationship.

You need to know that now is not the time to be making any big decisions.

You are likely just very overwhelmed and over-tired.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking you no longer love this man just because of that.

This is the time your son needs you to protect him the most by doing what it takes to calm the situation down okay?

First of all, stop all the going out. Yes, every new mom needs a break in her day - but if you are going out at night and drinking with your friends pretty regularly you are courting disaster, and so is your husband.

You guys have let the stress of becoming new parents make you forget that you are supposed to be a team!

Now is the time to sit down together and make the conscious choice to pull together with a TEAM approach to working this all out.

DO IT TODAY.

You created this child together - and he is counting on you to be mature enough to do what it takes to STAY together and take care of him.

There are REAL reasons why this is happening to you - you are not the first to be going through it.

You just need some outside perspective and intervention and you can get this train back on track
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:26 AM
 
16 posts, read 16,258 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by Timmyy View Post
It sounds like you two are finished. Not sleeping in the same room and going out separately is good sign that it is over. It would be selfish of you to stay together for the sake of your child. The child is young enough right now that it may never become a distraction in his life. Time to seek legal counsel and try to make it as amicable as possible. Best of luck.
thanks so much. deff needed to hear that im so tired of ppl telling me i need to stick it out for my son. We have broken up and gotten backtogether at least 5-6 times... its always the same results... hes a great dad just not a great husband....
were still in our mid 20s also... i feel like if i sit around and waste my time im missing out on something great.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:27 AM
 
15,013 posts, read 21,572,742 times
Reputation: 12334
You will still have to agree about your son, whether you're married or divorced.

And this too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
First of all, stop all the going out. Yes, every new mom needs a break in her day - but if you are going out at night and drinking with your friends pretty regularly you are courting disaster, and so is your husband.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:30 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,635,704 times
Reputation: 10384
No, it would be selfish of you to split and raise your child in a broken home just because you aren't willing to work at your marriage. There is more to marriage than easy good times, it takes actual work. To still be sexually attracted to each other after 9 years also takes work. You should have a serious discussion with your husband about what you feel is lacking and how you are willing to make a change in your marriage. He should do the same with you, and you both need to listen to each other without interruptions.

For instance, you are choosing to hang out with your friends over your husband when you have free time, and he is choosing the same. Of course you are stuck in a rut as a result, because you both are choosing to have fund outside of your marriage instead of within it.
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:30 AM
 
16 posts, read 16,258 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
First of all, babies change the nature of relationships.

In some cases, they can make you or break you - actually be a real threat to a relationship.

You need to know that now is not the time to be making any big decisions.

You are likely just very overwhelmed and over-tired.

Do not fall into the trap of thinking you no longer love this man just because of that.

This is the time your son needs you to protect him the most by doing what it takes to calm the situation down okay?

First of all, stop all the going out. Yes, every new mom needs a break in her day - but if you are going out at night and drinking with your friends pretty regularly you are courting disaster, and so is your husband.

You guys have let the stress of becoming new parents make you forget that you are supposed to be a team!

Now is the time to sit down together and make the conscious choice to pull together with a TEAM approach to working this all out.

DO IT TODAY.

You created this child together - and he is counting on you to be mature enough to do what it takes to STAY together and take care of him.

There are REAL reasons why this is happening to you - you are not the first.

You just need some outside perspective and intervention and you can get this train back on track
first of all i do not go out on the "regular" we go out about twice a month as in which is well deserved. And regardless of if we both created him or not we will both love him unconditionally. being a new parent isnt stressfull to me at all. I absolutley love it and my son is a happy baby!
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,359,138 times
Reputation: 40196
Quote:
Originally Posted by kysmommy View Post
thanks so much. deff needed to hear that im so tired of ppl telling me i need to stick it out for my son. We have broken up and gotten backtogether at least 5-6 times... its always the same results... hes a great dad just not a great husband....
were still in our mid 20s also... i feel like if i sit around and waste my time im missing out on something great.
I see.

You don't want REAL advice, you only want to hear the opinions of people that will help you justify your decision to give up on your marriage
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:34 AM
 
16 posts, read 16,258 times
Reputation: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
No, it would be selfish of you to split and raise your child in a broken home just because you aren't willing to work at your marriage. There is more to marriage than easy good times, it takes actual work. To still be sexually attracted to each other after 9 years also takes work. You should have a serious discussion with your husband about what you feel is lacking and how you are willing to make a change in your marriage. He should do the same with you, and you both need to listen to each other without interruptions.

For instance, you are choosing to hang out with your friends over your husband when you have free time, and he is choosing the same. Of course you are stuck in a rut as a result, because you both are choosing to have fund outside of your marriage instead of within it.
so it wouldnt be selfish to raise our son in a home where we argue about every little thing. Im not sexually, physically, mentally or emotionally attracted to him at all anymore. we rarely stay in the same room as eachother
 
Old 03-13-2013, 10:34 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,630 posts, read 34,129,603 times
Reputation: 76637
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post

First of all, stop all the going out. Yes, every new mom needs a break in her day - but if you are going out at night and drinking with your friends pretty regularly you are courting disaster, and so is your husband.
Or at least if you're both going out and have a sitter, you should go out together on a date. Neglecting your marriage and your relationship with each other isn't helping anyone.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top