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These stories are really an inspiration for me so thank you.
I'm very interested in marriage and while I know a handful of people in my real life who are married and have been for a long time, to ask them about their married life isn't something I'd do just because for the most part they wouldn't tell me.
My parents aren't but they're very committed to each other.
I know every marriage is different. The bits they have told me, is often very different from the last. I've seen married couples scream at each other at the top of their lungs and yet if you even so much as agree with one side or put down the other side, the other would intervene.
I've seen married couples where infidelity was by and large the norm and yet they refuse to leave one another.
So I'm really glad that you guys answered my questions so honestly and shared what it is that allowed you guys to stay together because if I asked anyone my age (I'm about 22) about relationships, etc, most of them would say, "Don't stay if the person does..." and many times I feel the attitude shows a lack of commitment.
So thanks for sharing. I hope to hear more stories and tips on here.
We've been though everything imaginable. Miscarriage, having to help parents financially when you have your own obligations, sale/loss of a business, change of jobs, becoming self employed, enduring blindness and subsequent operation, loss of a parent, loss of a pet, change of jobs, long, demanding hours at jobs, no time off, parent has Alzheimers (8 years), psycho woman enters spouse's life (in/out) - long story, child's learning disabilities, child graduates from college and has disappointments which have a sad effect on all, loss of another pet, loss of another parent, change in business climate, financial downturn in country, husband faces greatest trial of his life - AND WINS THE BATTLE!
Almost 30 years. It's true commitment. You just have to be there. I can't explain it. After a while, it's glue that can't be separated.
We were brought together for a reason. We only have one parent left now. Our 2 children are in their 20's and doing fine. Very independent. We are trying to rebuild and restore from the battle in the 1st paragraph.
We saw our own parents stay together through thick and thin. My parents were more social and fun, lots of friends, relationships were important but my dad would lose everything over a business deal and he did a few times. My husband's parents were quiet, very few friends, now my FIL is very lonely and it's sad. But, we have learned from both. Some of our nicest times as a family were when we were all together for the holidays, Mother's Days, etc. All lived within an hour of each other. I'm thankful for that.
Bottom line: A Story of Faith
I hope your hubby tells a story of you two too one day. thank you for sharing. If you could give newly married couples or people in relationships any suggestions, what would you say?
So I'm really glad that you guys answered my questions so honestly and shared what it is that allowed you guys to stay together because if I asked anyone my age (I'm about 22) about relationships, etc, most of them would say, "Don't stay if the person does..." and many times I feel the attitude shows a lack of commitment.
I agree with you 100%. When I was 22 I was with a woman who was constantly outlining her reasons for leaving me. "If you ever cheated on me..." "If you ever said that to me..." "If you did this..." blah blah blah. One time I pointed out to her that she is the one constantly thinking of this stuff and worrying about it. I asked her why she couldn't seem to just enjoy the good times we had together instead planning for all the bad times.
Compare that with my wife, who every now and then reminds me, "Not to borrow trouble from the future." In other words, don't get so worked up over things that haven't happened yet. There is a certain degree of caution with which we approach others. We humans are naturally programed to act in the interests of our own self preservation. This means physically and emotionally. But we also reach a point where we put all of our cards out on the table for our partners. The risk is higher but so is the reward.
Remember that old saying - Love is patient, love is kind?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite
I hope your hubby tells a story of you two too one day. thank you for sharing. If you could give newly married couples or people in relationships any suggestions, what would you say?
Well, that saying above is true. I met my husband before I even thought of him as more than a friend. We had things in common but above all, he was just a nice guy. He was in a relationship and I never thought any more about it. A lot of us worked together starting out and he sometimes joined us. A few years later, I ran into him or should I say, he ran into me. I always felt comfortable around him, not threatened but knew him as a friend first.
There's another saying - When you marry someone, you marry their family. Very true also. My husband got more than he bargained for but also a lot of good stuff too.
Even knowing what we have gone through, would I choose him again knowing everything? Hands down, absolutely!
My husband and I have been married for 10yrs and we dated for 6 before that. The key for the two of us has always been that we are in this life together as a team. It isn't always exciting, sometimes it sucks (we had miscarriages and then went through two tough adoption processes), but we're together.
Some of the things I've found really helpful and yes i realize people do things differently, but here is what works for us: merging our finances and having established the same financial goals, separating household chores into his and hers, regular and good sex, standing Saturday night babysitters, embracing each others quirks (I have to be at the airport early, he is never going to put the milk carton away), and finally picking our battles - if it's really important to him I go with it, if its really important to me he lets it go, if its really important to both of us we try to reach some kind of compromise or one of us sucks it up.
And many times - it brings you closer together. Afterwards, you have a better understanding of the other person.
Yes.
My wife and I generally get along very well but have had a couple BIG fights. Generally, those have been over misunderstandings, or poor communication where we draw incorrect conclusions.
It's after the fight, and after we have calmed a little, where we really bond and come together stronger. We always reach a point where we want to sit down, talk, learn, and work through the issue. Doing that really brings us closer together and grows our understanding of each other more. '
Not that I recommend a fight as a way to get to know someone, but if it were to happen (and it will) it can have positives brought out of it.
We met when I was 16 and he was 17 and we've been together since. We officially got married on our 10 year anniversary and we are about to celebrate 9 years of being married. We have two wonderful children together. People have always told us your so young to be with just one person but it has always worked for us. I'm not going to say that is been 100% smooth sailing thoughout our 19 year relationship. But thankfully we have not had to deal with infidelatiy, finance, or anger/violance issues. When he gets really really upset at something he takes a walk and "cools down" comes back and he's ready to discuss anything. That took me quiet a few years to figure out LOL since I like talk things out right then and there.
Honestly I think the biggest thing that we constantly have to overcome is keeping our relationship "alive" it is so easy to move along between both of us working, home activities, he also coaches kids sports team, both kids are very active in sports sometimes we just need to reconnect. For instance he called me to say he was taking me to lunch today just because. We also have long quiet breakfast every sunday while the kids are sleeping in. Its the little things that mean the most.
Advise for newlyweds: Now this might be a weird piece of advice but I think its important. no matter how heated an arguement is we never curse at each other because we both feel that is losing all respect for the other person and from that point it could go anywhere from cursing at each other behind closed doors to cursing at each other at the dinner table to even worse. So we have this unspoken agreement say what you want and as loud as you want just say respectfully!
We've been married for 33 year and have had our ups and downs over those years. We might have talked separating once or twice and actually did separate for 9 months, but that was job related. We have 4 sons and we've lived in 3 cities. I'm currently on my 4th permanent job and my wife is on her 1st, after being a SAHM. I also went to graduate school between the first and second jobs.
Probably the most trying times in our marriage were me being between jobs (which I quit for a reason), the first city we moved to in Alaska (wife didn't care for it), my wife's mom dying (after being sick for a while and we were not told, made worse because she died on my dad's birthday, an annual reminder), and friends leaving (many were Coast Guard). When we got married, I gave up a job transfer, so she wouldn't have to leave her family. I think this may have caused some guilt on her part, causing her to go along with the move to Alaska when she didn't want to go.
Our kids have always been a bright spot, and at the same time they've been trying. The first company I worked for in Alaska, moved to another city, and we found that to be a big improvement as we're still here. There was a good chance had we stayed in the original city, we would've at least separated, if not divorced. Work provided opportunities for the family, but problems at work also spilled over into the marriage. Those problems resulted in me quitting, which brought some family stress (re: the 9 months separated while working temp jobs).
I don't think we've ever fallen out of love. We've just forgotten about it at times and put it on the back burner. Now, as the kids are leaving the nest, we're slowly bringing it back as a priority. We do have separate activities, which I think is necessary, but we do a lot together, even if it's just running errands together that only takes one. I find it ironic that one friend, who thought she had a perfect marriage and thought we would divorce, was the one who got a divorce.
A lot of times when I talk to people in my offline life or read stories online about relationships, the moment someone vents a problem, it becomes quick and easy to foretell doom and gloom...and it's really nice to hear people who've come through difficult times and remained together. It's a hopeful story, imo, especially since I'm someone who's interested in life long relationships and commitment. I want to be married and share my life with someone else but even though inside I don't feel like it will always be smooth sailing, often times the images that are portrayed back to me involve people who often express having "perfect" relationships or ideas on what a relationship should be. For example, if I go to one of my aunt and say, "My sweetie and I had a disagreement today", the first thing she's likely to say is, "End it. You two shouldn't have those kinds of disagreements. The next step is abuse!" We disagreed on politics. He's more republican/conservative, and I happen to like Obama. *shrugs*
In a way, I'm trying to have a better understanding of marriage and how two people can be in love, pleased with each other and last a long time despite not always "getting along". I don't always see those images amongst my peers or even with my family and so there are times when I too begin to foretell doom and gloom, not realizing that this person still loves me and wants to be with me because it doesn't match the image I have in my head of how things "should" be. And by that I mean, in my head, it's engrained for me to believe that we should never disagree on anything. Ever.
I'm learning as I go along though and retraining my thinking. I hope the stories keep coming. They're very inspirational to me and hopefully they are to the others who read them.
Advise for newlyweds: Now this might be a weird piece of advice but I think its important. no matter how heated an arguement is we never curse at each other because we both feel that is losing all respect for the other person and from that point it could go anywhere from cursing at each other behind closed doors to cursing at each other at the dinner table to even worse. So we have this unspoken agreement say what you want and as loud as you want just say respectfully!
I think this is so important. If you say truly horrible things to each other you can't ever take it back.
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I hope to hear more stories and tips on here.
Remember that old saying - Love is patient, love is kind?
We disagreed on politics. He's more republican/conservative, and I happen to like Obama. *shrugs* 
