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Old 03-14-2013, 11:43 PM
 
15,014 posts, read 19,956,607 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Clean View Post
okay, but we maybe getting ahead of ourselves here... lets see if you move it forward from office messenger to after hours one-on-one
True. The OP is unsure if she likes him. Figuring that out is enough of a challenge.

They've been talking for 6 months. I'd be unsure too if I was the OP.

I agree with Raena that it's best to be direct.
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Old 03-14-2013, 11:44 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
727 posts, read 1,434,534 times
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Hang out with her on a casual basis (happy hour, hiking, etc.) and see where it goes.
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Old 03-14-2013, 11:45 PM
 
1,324 posts, read 1,882,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chessgeek View Post
I personally do not mix work and romance with all of the workplace rules the last 20+ years. If this is a place you want to stay at for quite awhile, I would not ask her out. If you consider it a temporary workplace before moving on, do so but do NOT pressure her at all if you are initially rejected. I am for women's equality, but the workplace rules for romantic relationships with the opposite sex significantly favor women. Most women would agree with me, too.

Unless she is giving you a strong green light the entire time, I would avoid it. I am not trying to discourage you. Back in the 1980's, I would say "go for it". That was an entirely different situation. I asked a couple women out from work back then. Today...no way!
yeah, i generally agree with all you said, but you're older and more experienced so the rules apply a little differently to you too. two young professionals just out of college, however, are allowed to flirt with disaster or good times though. really, i only follow the "don't fool around at work" rule because it was a hard lesson learned when i was younger.
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Old 03-15-2013, 12:12 AM
 
4 posts, read 9,964 times
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I'm not concerned with this impacting my job i'm more concerned with if it doesn't go as planned will she feel awkward around me, or will she be flattered that I was attracted to her and asked her out.

if I had more face to face interaction it would be easier to see how she feels, but we are pretty busy all throughout the day and so most of our conversations are done on messenger.

Would she spend all day talking to me if she wasn't interested when she has numerous other friends to talk to in the office?
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Old 03-15-2013, 12:21 AM
 
1,324 posts, read 1,882,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by B.dot View Post
I'm not concerned with this impacting my job i'm more concerned with if it doesn't go as planned will she feel awkward around me, or will she be flattered that I was attracted to her and asked her out.

if I had more face to face interaction it would be easier to see how she feels, but we are pretty busy all throughout the day and so most of our conversations are done on messenger.

Would she spend all day talking to me if she wasn't interested when she has numerous other friends to talk to in the office?
You're thinking about this all wrong. Just work it up as having a drink/hanging out with a workplace friend, strictly platonic. Focus on having a good time with a coworker, and just during happy hour (after work break). Don't ask her out on a date, to a movie, or on the weekend. After a while you will get to know her better along with getting a better idea if there is any fling potential. But stay away from any thoughts of her being potential girlfriend material for now. Plus, she may zap you into friendszone if you give her any indication you're headed that way. Don't cross that bridge until you get there, and then think about whether it's worth after you get a better idea of her, what's going, and any workplace risks involved.
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Old 03-15-2013, 12:23 AM
 
4 posts, read 9,964 times
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Im terrible at this stuff, I very rarely have platonic relationships with women, and I was in a long term relationship for the past 5 years. I should just ask her, by herself, to go for a drink, but not as a date? Our office doesn't go out after work much.
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Old 03-15-2013, 12:30 AM
 
1,324 posts, read 1,882,453 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by B.dot View Post
Im terrible at this stuff, I very rarely have platonic relationships with women, and I was in a long term relationship for the past 5 years. I should just ask her, by herself, to go for a drink, but not as a date? Our office doesn't go out after work much.
Clear your head, drop all that emotional anxiety stuff, hit reset and reboot. you're only making friends here, nothing more. Then say something like, "hey, i had a long day and i want to go get a beer after i punch out, wanna come along?" or make it a small group thing (2-3 ppl) "bring debbie or doug along if you want". Make it a routine for a while, like at least once every couple of weeks. And if she's as talkative as you say she is, she may like the idea of having a private audience to bullsh*t with. Good Luck.

Last edited by Dr. Clean; 03-15-2013 at 12:44 AM..
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:24 AM
 
92 posts, read 91,014 times
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Look don't worry about all the workplace non sense, just be your usual self and treat it like a regular day, if y'all get in to small talk and just talk to her or listen and if you get the slightest opportunity take and just ask her out to go see a movie or to eat n watch a bball game or whatever but just be casual no need to worry about serious stuff an if she doesn't bite don't worry about it, literally just be like alright cool. Just keep it casual like friends do. Smiling doesn't hurt and she might like it, it's shows interest enough so be shy.
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Old 03-15-2013, 03:47 AM
 
Location: Funkotron, MA
1,203 posts, read 3,653,387 times
Reputation: 1814
Quote:
Originally Posted by B.dot View Post
I'm not concerned with this impacting my job i'm more concerned with if it doesn't go as planned will she feel awkward around me, or will she be flattered that I was attracted to her and asked her out.

if I had more face to face interaction it would be easier to see how she feels, but we are pretty busy all throughout the day and so most of our conversations are done on messenger.

Would she spend all day talking to me if she wasn't interested when she has numerous other friends to talk to in the office?
Are you saying that you see yourself moving to a different job in the future? Because this definitely can impact your current job. Say you date for a while and it ends badly. Word could get around the office and other people might start treating you poorly (if they're on her side). You'd also have to deal with an ex gf everyday.

The same applies to if you're dating and things go well. You could be treated differently at work if people find out. "Look at B.dot, he spends all his time talking to his girl instead of working."

All that may or may not happen, it's impossible to really know. But most people's experience says that dating a co-worker is not a good idea.

At the same time though, if you do decide to do I agree with the previous advice - keep it very casual and see where it goes. If you're out "as friends" you'll get a much better feel for if she'd be interested in dating.
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:07 AM
 
1,386 posts, read 2,191,971 times
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I've gone down this road before..not with a coworker I worked directly with but with someone in the same building. I'll just say from my experience that I won't do it again. It's not so much about things being awkward seeing each other as it is tough to move on from the situation when you see the person often.
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