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I used to fall for guys who rejected me...it is several things, IMO. One, I had a childhood in which I felt abandoned when my Dad died and then spent my childhood clinging to my older brother, who alternately rejected me and embraced me, so that felt like normal love to me. Two, many times with guys like this, they start off over the moon, so when they "turn" we keep thinking there are reasons, and if we are patient that guy from the beginning will come back (he never does).
There is also IMO some form of operant conditioning at work (if you remember high school psychology), which shows intermittent rewards breed addiction in people (like slot machines, when you lose, lose, lose, win, lose, lose lose, win).
The only way through is work on yourself, and having strong boundaries about what you want in a relationship. I wasted years on the wrong guys, but now have a guy who made it all worth it. If people are taking you for granted, somewhere you may have faulty thinking that being nice and agreable will earn you love, and when you change that faulty thought pattern you will get different results.
"Two, many times with guys like this, they start off over the moon, so
when they "turn" we keep thinking there are reasons, and if we are
patient that guy from the beginning will come back (he never does)."
Yes, this!
Why do men do that? I recently broke off with a guy who in the beginning spent a whole lotta time with me and called me often and hugged me/kissed me a lot. Said not to worry, will always be there for me.
This guy was serious. Wanted me to move in with him and even said at one point that he wanted to marry me even when he said he didn't wanna marry again!
Well, his personality changed: spent so much less time with me (once a week, maybe twice if I was lucky), called me less (once every other day), would put me last, etc. And he still wanted to marry me and me move in with him. So...what happened to the guy from the beginning? I fell in love with THAT man. The one from the beginning.
But, by then it was too late. I was in love with him and him with me. He said he cared, but his actions showed different. I still love him and I still want him and I still want to call him, but I DON'T because I KNOW he's no good for me.
I gave it my all in this relationship and he did not. You need to know when to call it quits. Even good people are treated badly by others. You have no control over others, but you do have control over yourself.
I've been there way too many times. I agree with whoever said it's just human nature to want what you can't have. Pretty sure there were a few guys who only really wanted me because I didn't want them. They didn't even know me, not really.
I don't. When you love and value yourself you will not allow people to disrespect, disregard, devalue, or treat you less than the special person that you are. Some people are just retarded because they are addicted to disfunction and have low self-esteem. When you value yourself, you play the game on an entirely different level.
Yeah, I'm experiencing all the classic signs of an emotionally abused: feeling like dirt when neglected, thinking all the things that went wrong was my fault and that I should "make it up" to him when I didn't do anything wrong, when it was HE who left me. Thinking I need to change myself, worrying about me being clingy, needy, etc. when I practically have two jobs and also taking classes. And then this whole BS of trying to "be friends". Feeling like I need to be nice because that's what "friends" do. We're NOT friends. Real friends don't make me feel like I can't go to them when I'm feeling low. I'm slowly waking up. What makes me avoid someone is not hatred, but disgust. The thing that makes you lose your appetite when you think about it, that causes your stomach to turn. And this person who seem to always need female attention and varied ones at that, who can't seem to make up his mind about his own feelings, and who has made someone as special as me feel like dirt, he disgusts me. This behavior of needing to put someone else down in order to feel better about yourself, it's much worse than being clingy. And now I'm starting to see that even though he has never verbally put me down, it's crystal clear now that he did it through his actions.
Yeah, I'm experiencing all the classic signs of an emotionally abused: feeling like dirt when neglected, thinking all the things that went wrong was my fault and that I should "make it up" to him when I didn't do anything wrong, when it was HE who left me. Thinking I need to change myself, worrying about me being clingy, needy, etc. when I practically have two jobs and also taking classes. And then this whole BS of trying to "be friends". Feeling like I need to be nice because that's what "friends" do. We're NOT friends. Real friends don't make me feel like I can't go to them when I'm feeling low. I'm slowly waking up. What makes me avoid someone is not hatred, but disgust. The thing that makes you lose your appetite when you think about it, that causes your stomach to turn. And this person who seem to always need female attention and varied ones at that, who can't seem to make up his mind about his own feelings, and who has made someone as special as me feel like dirt, he disgusts me. This behavior of needing to put someone else down in order to feel better about yourself, it's much worse than being clingy. And now I'm starting to see that even though he has never verbally put me down, it's crystal clear now that he did it through his actions.
Agree. The best friends I have will save the scolding for when I'm out of the situation.
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