Why do some folks have a problem with respecting relationships? (cheat, average)
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Simply put, other people just don't care about YOUR happiness, or welfare even. Not that everyone is out to get you, but if you have something someone else wants, most people will resort to any tactics to take it from you.
I know women can be quite competitive.
IME, guys are worse. Guys will fist fight and do ANYTHING to stop another guy from being with a woman.
Been there, done that, no thanks.
(Regarding the following, I don't mean fist fight, I mean: take action and stand up for the s/o or relationship. )
You have to be willing to hypothetically fight for what you want. BUT, if the person of your interest won't fight for you ALSO, then let them go. When only one person fights for a relationship, the fighter ALWAYS loses. and loses baaaaaad.
Cut your losses, and find someone who will respect you, and someone who will respect the relationship.
I just wonder, will the same people that don't really fight for a relationship: does that mean that the non-fighter doesn't take one person seriously, or does the non-fighter become a fighter for the RIGHT PERSON?
No, these people are cowards, not fighters. They love the attention in being fought over and are too weak and indecisive to make a decision. Also too immature to take a real relationship seriously.
Based on what I've seen, it's always been the woman to initiate the inappropriate conversation. It starts off as them just shooting the breeze, and when he mentions me and how he is in a relationship with me, the woman goes "oh that's good, I am happy for you" and then she will start spilling her guts "I know you have a girl but I miss you and you were the one who got away" and yada yada yada...it's like I'm back in high school, reading someone diary or something.
Yes, reading other people's texts is like reading their diaries. If you're reading them in the quantity that you're talking about here, that is a huge sign that something is wrong in the relationship. Unfortunately your relationship did not matter enough to him to be decisive. I hope that your next relationship is better and that you don't feel the need to read his texts to feel respected or that you can trust him.
The OP did not state he didn't just share that text with her.
I know, I didn't say she was snooping. There's no reason--invited or uninvited--to read several lengthy text histories that your boyfriend wrote to someone else unless there's a problem in the relationship. That's what I am saying.
I know, I didn't say she was snooping. There's no reason--invited or uninvited--to read several lengthy text histories that your boyfriend wrote to someone else unless there's a problem in the relationship. That's what I am saying.
I know. I misread. And as far as the other guy- the all's fair in love and war- No, it's make love not war. It's one or the other. When someone is allowing disrespect from an outside party, then we have war. And once we have war, it's hard to get back to love. (Pi64 I think posted "all's fair in love and war.")
My wife ended up telling an old high school friend to kiss off for this very thing. She and this girl had been friends in high school and 're-connected' on Facebook. This old friend knew my wife was in a committed relationship with me and had been for years. I swear, that seemed to FUEL her. She would make inappropriate comments, not "privately" or secretly through messages but blatantly on my wife's FB wall! Things like "I've always regretted not taking a chance with you all those years ago when I had it" or "Oh that pic is great but I am not surprised, you were always soooo sexy"... I was all wtf, really!?
Meanwhile she kept sending me friend requests...
My wife told her right away that it was not cool, to knock it off, that she was happily coupled, but the girl backed off for a bit then started up again a couple months later at which point my wife wrote her and told her that she would not tolerate her disrespect of her relationship with me and that was the end of that.
In another instance, our DD's 2nd grade TEACHER, a married woman in a bad relationship and apparently with some unexplored lesbian fantasies, I guess, blatantly hit on and made inappropriate comments towards my wife under the guise of needing to have a discussion about our DD. Long story but she was eventually fired for inappropriate behavior with a parent. I was just horrified... what kind of teacher behaves that way, especially knowing the child, knowing she is risking "wrecking a home' and in our case, that our child had special emotional needs and a lot to bear already!?
So yeah, nothing shocks me anymore.. but if you are with someone who is committed toyou they will nip that crap in the bud, and while we don't have "rules" about who we are friends with (male, female, married, single), one rule we both abide by is that the friend must also be a "Friend of the marriage", clearly demonstrating that they have our best interests at heart as a couple and respect the fact that we are together above all else.
People are selfish. They want what they want. However, it's up to the person in the relationship to shut them down and let them know that their advances are not appreciated.
There is a reason single guys may on occassion put on a barrowed wedding band, when they go out. It gets them a better chance of getting laid. Taken men and men with options are the prize. Single guys who have no options are avoided like a plague. It goes something like this "He is taken/he has many options, there must be someting about him, I want him too" and "oh, he is single and has no ptions, he hasnt been laid in a long time, there must be something wrong with him, I will stay away". As odd as it may seem, a guy who is sleeping with a different attractive girl every night, has a substantialy better chance of attracting a random girl, than a guy who sleeps alone. It may not be pretty, but if you observe life and more specificaly the dating world, it quickly becomes evident.
There is a reason single guys may on occassion put on a barrowed wedding band, when they go out. It gets them a better chance of getting laid. Taken men and men with options are the prize. Single guys who have no options are avoided like a plague. It goes something like this "He is taken/he has many options, there must be someting about him, I want him too" and "oh, he is single and has no ptions, he hasnt been laid in a long time, there must be something wrong with him, I will stay away". As odd as it may seem, a guy who is sleeping with a different attractive girl every night, has a substantialy better chance of attracting a random girl, than a guy who sleeps alone. It may not be pretty, but if you observe life and more specificaly the dating world, it quickly becomes evident.
There is some truth, both male and female, that it is not attractive thinking the other person has no options, it comes across as no one wants them and that can be a turn off. This is where the whole play it cool mentality comes in.
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