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Old 03-21-2013, 07:18 AM
 
7 posts, read 6,637 times
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I've seen several, but for some reason I feel inclined to get advice on my own personal situation.

A few quick facts:
1) Married for 1 1/2 years, dated for 10. Lots of love. I'm 28/she's 29.
2) We live in Indiana within 1 1/2 of my immediate family and grandparents, 45 minutes of her favorite aunt/uncle/cousins, and 1 1/2 of her brother and nephew/niece. Her mom and dad about about 2 hours/3 hours away, respectively. The rest of her family lives in Mississippi.
3) She has a lot of friends. They're really more like family to her.
4) We both have decent jobs.
5) She married me knowing we might have to move for me to get what I want out of a career.
6) She is an elementary school teacher.
7) No kids.

Now the scenario:
I'm a wildlife biologist. My current job is decent, good benefits, but not particularly satisfying and definitely not the road I would like to head down for my career. I recently applied for what I've long considered would be my dream job for this point in my life, but...it's in Maine. I flew in for an interview, did well, and now I'm waiting for a decision (this could all be moot if they turn me down). However, I'm pretty confident and I like to plan ahead so I'm assuming they're going to say yes.

My wife says she'll go where I go, but I know she doesn't really want to. She loves her friends and doesn't want to miss her nephew/niece growing up. I understand that. I don't particularly want to live in Maine either and have never lived, for extended periods of time, more than a few hours from my family, but I'm viewing this job as finally getting a foot in the door for the path I would like to take, which could potentially lead back to Indiana or at least nearby. The job really has the perfect job description for me...except the Maine part.

I already turned down one job offer on her account several years ago and refrained from applying for another which I probably would have been a top 2 candidate for (it was a niche job, small community of applicants, I knew most of them, and also had a good relationship with the supervisor). I also let a third potential job fall off of my radar in Wyoming which would have, admittedly, come my way via a healthy dose of nepotism, So I've already doled out my fair share of compromise. Also, the job prospects for me in this area aren't great. The types of jobs I've always wanted (the one I'm currently discussing) are very rare. There are probably no more than 100 of these jobs in the country. However, from a salary standpoint, the move is almost lateral. The new job will pay a bit more hourly and I will work less, but I won't get overtime so it will come close to evening out financially. It's the future potential and the all around job satisfaction.

It really comes down to staying with what's comfortable, but potentially getting stuck with something that's much more of a job than I would like versus upending my entire life to get a job I would love/potentially open doors for myself, but possibly at the expense of considerable relationship currency and the looming possibility that I might never actually be able to find a job back in this area.

I'm pretty stumped. I have no idea what I am going to say if they offer me the job. Any advice? Sorry for the ramblings...I'm usually not that long-winded.

Last edited by jlarson02; 03-21-2013 at 08:13 AM..
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Old 03-21-2013, 07:28 AM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,850,270 times
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Is she willing to give up her current job? Does she like her current job? I would cut ties with fam/friends to peruse a better career choice, but if I had a good job I was happy at and enjoyed already, there's no way I would move.
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Old 03-21-2013, 07:40 AM
 
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She is willing to give up her current job. She would finish out the school year and then start applying for jobs in Maine. The fact that she is a relatively young elementary school teacher gives us some optimism that she could find a job sooner than later, but with budget cuts aimed at education we're nervous.

I'm not unhappy with my job, but it's definitely not what I want to be doing for the next 30 - 40 years.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:13 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,943 posts, read 53,309,245 times
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No kids?

Do it now. Don't hesitate.

She will be fine for a few years. There are a million ways to stay in touch with family nowadays. Besides, if I were your family, i would LOVE the chance to visit you in Maine.

Once you begin having kids, your decisions will be dictated by what you think is best for THEM. You won't really have the choices you once did.

So go now and experience this dream. Find out if it really is all you think it may be and if not, move back.

If you're lucky, life is long. Don't tie yourself to this living situation based on "shoulds" and guilt.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:15 AM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,850,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
No kids?

Do it now. Don't hesitate.

She will be fine for a few years. There are a million ways to stay in touch with family nowadays. Besides, if I were your family, i would LOVE the chance to visit you in Maine.

Once you begin having kids, your decisions will be dictated by what you think is best for THEM. You won't really have the choices you once did.

So go now and experience this dream. Find out if it really is all you think it may be and if not, move back.

If you're lucky, life is long. Don't tie yourself to this living situation based on "shoulds" and guilt.
I agree. As long as you dont have kids and she has no career yet, Idk what the hesitation would be.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:17 AM
 
7 posts, read 6,637 times
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I specifically meant to add "no kids" and somehow left it out.

That's sort of what I've been leaning towards. I imagine that it can only get more difficult to move the older you get. It sure is tough to get past the "shoulds" and guilt though!
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:19 AM
 
7 posts, read 6,637 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
I agree. As long as you dont have kids and she has no career yet, Idk what the hesitation would be.
She has a career. She's an elementary school teacher and is happy where she's at. She works on a team with her best friend. The reason we've put priority on my career is because my jobs are much more competitive and hard to come by.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:20 AM
 
4,228 posts, read 6,850,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jlarson02 View Post
She has a career. She's an elementary school teacher and is happy where she's at. She works on a team with her best friend. The reason we've put priority on my career is because my jobs are much more competitive and hard to come by.
She can be a school teacher anywhere.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:24 AM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,943 posts, read 53,309,245 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlarson02 View Post
She has a career. She's an elementary school teacher and is happy where she's at. She works on a team with her best friend. The reason we've put priority on my career is because my jobs are much more competitive and hard to come by.
Why are you continually talking yourself out of it?

You are being very thoughtful and considerate. Still, you said yourself that your jobs are RARE. Her skillset can be employed anywhere you move. It's one of the advantages of that career.

This is a decision only you can make. Objectively, as someone who is married 22 years and a mom of 3, I say you should do it. Now I know that is easier said than done.

But you need to DECIDE what you want to do, then have a very honest talk with your wife about what you BOTH think you should do.

I like to consider decisions from a place of "yes" rather than a place of "no." I personally don't like to let fear make the decisions for me. Right now it sounds like you both are letting fear guide you.

From her entrenched home in Indiana, Maine might as well be the moon. IMHO, the best thing you both could do it visit there and let her find some things to look forward to about moving. Then she will be able to look a little outside herself while deciding and make a decision that works for both of you.
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Old 03-21-2013, 08:26 AM
 
5,476 posts, read 7,136,415 times
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I think Wmsn is giving you good advice in this thread. Sometimes you have to roll the dice and make moves outside of your comfort zone. SInce you are still young and have no kids, it seems like a perfect opportunity and timing. Family and friends will be there for you guys to visit, Id say convince your wifey and go for it.
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