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My friend invited me to a party this week that her company hosted and she also invited a single guy friend of hers. Since it was a work party, she was expected to go around and entertain all the current clients and try to drum up more business among the guests who her company was hoping to turn into new clients (we're obviously not in need of her services, but she was expected to invite people to prove she was trying to bring in business).
Anyway, that left the single guy and me to hang out, since we didn't know anyone else. We had a really good time, but I don't feel particularly attracted to him. Even though he's really nice, he's a bit too heavy for me and I'm not sure our lifestyles really mesh. Not to mention I have a feeling a guy at work is going to ask me out soon. I've had a huge crush on him for months, but have been very careful about it. He seems to have finally gotten the hint and appears to be just as interested.
Since the party, my friend's friend has sent me a Facebook friend request and wants to ask me on a date. After looking through his Facebook page, I'm even more convinced that nothing much is going to happen, despite what a nice guy he is. Like I said, I think we lead very different lives. I admit I'm really picky. He could stand to lose about 20 lbs, not that he's really overweight or anything, but I like my men lean. The guy at work is physically more my type and our lifestyles seem to be more similar. He's also 16 years older. My friends think I'm nuts waiting for the older guy to ask me out when a guy 6 years younger wants to take me out. Do I go on a date with this younger guy, knowing that there's little chance of me developing an interest and him becoming more interested? What's fair to this guy? I don't think it's fair to go out with him if I'll spend the whole date wishing I were on a date with someone else. My friends think I need to give him a chance.
By all means, don't go out with the party guy if you're not interested. It doesn't matter what your friend says. It would not be fair to him. You don't even have to FB friend him unless you are one of those with 1,500 "friends," in which case it doesn't really matter.
The work guy is another story altogether. You'll just have to wait and see there. 16 years age difference is not easy to overcome, but he hasn't even asked you out yet.
My friend invited me to a party this week that her company hosted and she also invited a single guy friend of hers. Since it was a work party, she was expected to go around and entertain all the current clients and try to drum up more business among the guests who her company was hoping to turn into new clients (we're obviously not in need of her services, but she was expected to invite people to prove she was trying to bring in business).
Anyway, that left the single guy and me to hang out, since we didn't know anyone else. We had a really good time, but I don't feel particularly attracted to him. Even though he's really nice, he's a bit too heavy for me and I'm not sure our lifestyles really mesh. Not to mention I have a feeling a guy at work is going to ask me out soon. I've had a huge crush on him for months, but have been very careful about it. He seems to have finally gotten the hint and appears to be just as interested.
Since the party, my friend's friend has sent me a Facebook friend request and wants to ask me on a date. After looking through his Facebook page, I'm even more convinced that nothing much is going to happen, despite what a nice guy he is. Like I said, I think we lead very different lives. I admit I'm really picky. He could stand to lose about 20 lbs, not that he's really overweight or anything, but I like my men lean. The guy at work is physically more my type and our lifestyles seem to be more similar. He's also 16 years older. My friends think I'm nuts waiting for the older guy to ask me out when a guy 6 years younger wants to take me out. Do I go on a date with this younger guy, knowing that there's little chance of me developing an interest and him becoming more interested? What's fair to this guy? I don't think it's fair to go out with him if I'll spend the whole date wishing I were on a date with someone else. My friends think I need to give him a chance.
You either want to go out with someone or you don't. I don't think you necessarily have to be 'attracted' (to) or 'interested' (in) someone to agree to a first date, as it's fine to use the first date(s) as screening. In your case, you had ample opportunity to assess your interest in getting to know him better and decided that he's not someone you want to invest time in.
You know the answer: you should not go on a date with him. He doesn't need a pity date from someone who has already written him off.
You know as well as I do that if you don't think there is any chemistry involved, doesn't matter if you "give him a chance". Friendszone him and hang out with him if you want, but tell him it's not a date because you are interested in someone else.
The other older guy should be part of the above equation. And frankly, you are pineing away for someone who you think might ask you out. "finally has gotten the hint and appears to be just as interested"? You drop him a roofy or something? Guys know what women are on their radar that they may be attracted to, they don't need a hint to turn that switch on.
I wonder if it was a guy asking if he should ask a woman 20lbs overweight- would the advice be the same?
anyways,,, even if you did go out with the younger guy- you know your mind will be on the other guy-so not fair to this guy....you dont want to put yourself in a position of mixed signals, better off to go the path of the guy you want..
Thanks for the feedback, all! Now I have to find a way to let him down gently.
""finally has gotten the hint and appears to be just as interested"? You drop him a roofy or something? Guys know what women are on their radar that they may be attracted to, they don't need a hint to turn that switch on."
I'm relatively new at work and was interested in him almost immediately. I thought he was flirting a little back when I first met him, but I wasn't sure and didn't want anything to interfere with my job. Now that I'm more settled, I've started to drop hints that I'm interested. He's definitely noticed. Only thing is that we rarely get to see each other, though we have been running into one another more and always seem a little too excited to run into each other, if you know what I mean.
The age difference doesn't concern me all that much, since I have dated older men before. There are the usual age difference concerns, of course, but not enough to prevent me from going out with him if he asks.
"I wonder if it was a guy asking if he should ask a woman 20lbs overweight- would the advice be the same?"
If someone isn't physically attractive to you, then you shouldn't go out with them. I dated someone I wasn't physically attracted to years ago because he was such a nice guy. It ended very badly for him because he fell in love and I didn't. I just couldn't stop my eyes from wandering to guys I was physically attracted to. I need an emotional, spiritual, and physical attraction. I can't date someone just because he's a nice guy. Sorry. That's just me. I'm okay with men saying they don't want to date a woman who's 20 lbs overweight if that's not what they like.
Since the party, my friend's friend has sent me a Facebook friend request and wants to ask me on a date. After looking through his Facebook page, I'm even more convinced that nothing much is going to happen, despite what a nice guy he is. Like I said, I think we lead very different lives. I admit I'm really picky. He could stand to lose about 20 lbs, not that he's really overweight or anything, but I like my men lean. The guy at work is physically more my type and our lifestyles seem to be more similar. He's also 16 years older. My friends think I'm nuts waiting for the older guy to ask me out when a guy 6 years younger wants to take me out. Do I go on a date with this younger guy, knowing that there's little chance of me developing an interest and him becoming more interested?What's fair to this guy? I don't think it's fair to go out with him if I'll spend the whole date wishing I were on a date with someone else. My friends think I need to give him a chance.
Does he want to ask you on a date or did he actually ask? If you were conflicted enough to make a thread about it, why not just go on the date? I don't think it's unfair to go on at least one date with someone who you think might be a cool guy. It doesn't mean that you're playing with his emotions or anything.
You definitely shouldn't go out with him. He sounds like a nice guy. Don't do that to him. There are plenty of girls that are looking for a nice guy with a little meat on his bones.
I would NEVER not date, waiting around for someone to ask you out. You think he took the hint, but hasn't asked you out?? He may not be interested.
How is this even a question? No.
It would be leading him on.
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