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I used to hate people who would just disappear and not explain, but now I see why people just disappear. Because well, one, its easier, and two, you've made up your mind, you know the other person won't respond well and will protest but you can't say anything to make them feel better. I made the mistake of trying to stay friends with an ex because I hated people just disappearing from my life, but I dont feel he is really adding to my life anymore and he's the one who moved away. He made me feel bad for not talking to him, but I don't feel so interested in him anymore and he will hate that I am just going to disappear but when I try to explain things and think of the other person, I feel manipulated and that I'm just doing it for their sake. Plus, I hate that he praises me for not being like everybody else and sticking around and not ignoring people because I feel like it encouraged me to stick around with a guy who has done me wrong, and now I feel so low for not just ignoring him. I just think in so many cases if I just disappeared instead of trying to make sure the other person is okay, I wouldn't feel like I've been manipulated so much. I know people just want people to be honest with them, and I've tried this, but seriously, people can't handle the truth. Or I guess I can't just tell the truth and walk away.
Personally I would prefer to be hurt and have the truth than have someone I loved or cared about disappear on me. I think there's nothing worse than disappearing on someone who cares about you they worry they must feel and the questions they would have would hang over me and make me feel terrible........if I had made my mind up I would explain and not allow myself to be manipulated that way I would always know I did the right thing
Some people push others away first as a way to avoid rejection.
Maybe your ex suffers from social anxiety and that's part of his defense mechanism, how he cope with trying to maintain some personal control in his life.
Running away seems much easier short-term, but is painful in the long-run when it becomes habit forming.
This is a problem that I've had since a breakup in 2009. OP, there has to come a time where you stop running and start living. It's something that I realized over the weekend. I know of one relationship I gave up on, because it got a little tough for a short period of time. In hindsight, it also explains why I'm not a very good dater either. I naturally run because I'm impatient, and with that impatience, I'm a bit scared of getting hurt a bit too. I have a good amount of friends in my life, but no romantic interest.
Over the next weeks to months, I'm going to take some time and figure out why I keep doing this pattern and if it's something I can fix on my own, or if it's something I'll have to seek help on. I don't want to run away anymore, because I end up hurting myself more in the end. In order to fall in love, you will have to take some risk. I have a calculated personality, so I only do things that will benefit me, my family, and my friends. In my own experience, the more freely I lived, the more chaotic my life became.
For now, I no longer want to run away. Today starts my first day of change.
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