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1. That was definitely my mistake. When he started complaining about gas and driving around honestly I started just to call it off. I had already left home at that point and I was late, so I thought initially we would just meet quick for coffee and not worry about lunch. Well at least it isn't just me. Even in college when we were dirt broke, I never had to pay for anything.
2. His looks very definitely a big selling point for him. He was saying how he's been judged a lot by his looks a lot. He would say that in one breathe, but in the next he was mentioning something superficial about himself. I'm trying not to get too wrapped up in his smile (it's hard).
3. Maybe he was grumpy because he was hungry and stuck in traffic. He was fine in person.
4. I had a good time, but it wasn't a match made in heaven. That's what I was thinking. Had I not been so attracted to him I would have just said no to everything. I don't like clinginess at all. Normally it would be a complete turnoff. That's why I know I am letting his physical appearance get to me.
5. I tried to find a way to hide my log in, but I don't see a way. I logged in a few minutes ago and he wasn't logged in.
Last edited by caesarsgirl79; 03-24-2013 at 12:05 PM..
Reason: grammar
1. He took me up on my offer to pay dutch. Maybe I need to get more with the times, but I have never ever paid for a first date or gone dutch. I know I offered, but I thought he would decline. At one store he bought some expensive hair products (but didn't pay for my lunch) and he mentioned how cheap he is. Money is not an issue for me, but I just think the guy should pay for the first date.
2. He's so freaking cute!!!! I was really still annoyed up until the point I saw him. If he wasn't so cute I probably wouldn't have wanted to still go on the date. I was thinking about it after the date, not sure it would be so great if he wasn't so cute!! I'm sure that sounds really silly, but just being honest.
3. He did apologize at the restaurant for all the complaining, etc. He was complaining about having to drive across town, the traffic in the area I chose, etc. He said he hadn't eaten all day, so I guess he was tired and hungry. He was fine once we got to the restaurant.
4. Is he contacting me too much? I thought it was nice he called, but just not used to someone wanting to call and hang out this much this soon. If he hadn't called or texted I would probably complained.
5. Last we met on POF & I can see in my e-mail that I have more message that I would like to check. If he sees me logged in that means he is too, but still seems weird. We have only gone on one date, so of course there is no commitment. Is there any way for people to not know you logged in? This is still new too me. If you meet someone you would like to see again, is it weird for them to see you up there still searching?
1. I suspect all men are cheap, some just hide it better than others! Hey, I'm cheap too and not ashamed of it but it is a turn off when a man doesn't have a concern with what impression he is making by telling you he is cheap. This , to me, is an indication that he is not trying to impress you.
2. I also suspect all people are superficial. Again, something no one likes to admit. Nothing wrong with that. But don't show you are so easily won over by JUST his good looks. Looks do fade. Don't you want an intelligent man with a good sense of humor who isn't a complainer . ..What do YOU want?
Understand that if you didn't have some hotness yourself, he wouldn't be making an effort to meet you. You two are even in the looks department. He's not trying to impress you with his telling you he's cheap. Don't over accommodate him simply because he's hot. Be unimpressed with his hotness because you are just as hot! Don't focus on him - focus on you.
3.I love that he apologized. He should be concerned with being good company for you. And he is telling you he's smart enough to know this. In general no one likes a complainer. This is behavior he needs to demonstrate, concern with how he's coming off to you. Watch to see if he's got a negative vibe in the future. Watching how he handles future interaction after the apology is important. Actions , not just words.
Watching someone's actions is always key, but especially with this young man. Seems to me from the description you gave of him he is awfully self centered. So you must be somewhat as well. Continue being available when it is convenient for you. You need the YOU YOU YOU because he clearly is all HIM HIM HIM. Balance!
4. He is contacting you how he's contacting you. Slow him down to your pace. No two people have the same pace with this. If you think it's too much, it obviously is for you. Be polite but end the conversation and go on about your business. Also had to edit here to note this MAY be a desperation to get you in to bed. I base that on my recent experience so I say MAY, but don't worry about that (I just wanted you to be aware it COULD be an indication of that.) , just slow him down to your pace.
5. I don't know how to hide yourself online so he doesn't see you going on. But you know what? Fluck it! As I stated earlier, you're getting way ahead of yourself here. (Also a key mistake people make.)
And as a side note, don't forget who you are and what you have to offer. And above all don't get ahead of yourself. Too much thinking after the brief time you've known him is not good. Focus on YOUR life outside of a potential romance with him. I'm glad your instinct is to look for others. At his stage it should be. Follow it. Always take time to listen to and FOLLOW your instinct. All the thinking in the world often doesn't provide us with answers. If you can get in touch with your heart, your instinct, you will never be mislead. Sometimes hard to do in our society these days but necessary. Please keep us posted.
Last edited by lastwomanstanding; 03-24-2013 at 02:58 PM..
Reason: point #4
Why do you 'just think' that? What about having a y-chromosome obligates one to be financially responsible for first dates?
I think if more people would think about the reasons that men have traditionally been expected to pay for date people would run screaming from that tradition.
Doesn't sound silly at all. Attraction is an important factor in dating.
Then you have issues.
No disrespect to the above poster, but I disagree with everything except for the attraction being an important factor.
You OP do not have issues. You have posted nothing that makes me think you do.
I am suspect of this "march in and conquer, take up all her time" vibe when he (the date) doesn't even know her. If he is truly interested, he will slow down to a pace that is comfortable for her, don't you all think?
I suspect this poster , Filihok, is an attractive man so I'd somewhat listen to him. Maybe he is not attractive by certain standards but he must have a way with women , something "special" going for him. Probably reaching as he was when he said you have issues. However Filihok, if you don't mind, please tell us who you are , age wise, looks wise etc. so we understand and can consider the source of your input. I am learning here too and perhaps you have something , a very different perspective if nothing else to contribute.
OP, I'll be back shortly with a brief version of my story as you showed interest in. I don't want to take over your thread. I think you found a hot guy and I'd love to see you work something great out with him, if he's worthy of you.
1. I suspect all men are cheap, some just hide it better than others! Hey, I'm cheap too and not ashamed of it but it is a turn off when a man doesn't have a concern with what impression he is making by telling you he is cheap. This , to me, is an indication that he is not trying to impress you.
2. I also suspect all people are superficial. Again, something no one likes to admit. Nothing wrong with that. But don't show you are so easily won over by JUST his good looks. Looks do fade. Don't you want an intelligent man with a good sense of humor who isn't a complainer . ..What do YOU want?
Understand that if you didn't have some hotness yourself, he wouldn't be making an effort to meet you. You two are even in the looks department. He's not trying to impress you with his telling you he's cheap. Don't over accommodate him simply because he's hot. Be unimpressed with his hotness because you are just as hot! Don't focus on him - focus on you.
3.I love that he apologized. He should be concerned with being good company for you. And he is telling you he's smart enough to know this. In general no one likes a complainer. This is behavior he needs to demonstrate, concern with how he's coming off to you. Watch to see if he's got a negative vibe in the future. Watching how he handles future interaction after the apology is important. Actions , not just words.
Watching someone's actions is always key, but especially with this young man. Seems to me from the description you gave of him he is awfully self centered. So you must be somewhat as well. Continue being available when it is convenient for you. You need the YOU YOU YOU because he clearly is all HIM HIM HIM. Balance!
4. He is contacting you how he's contacting you. Slow him down to your pace. No two people have the same pace with this. If you think it's too much, it obviously is for you. Be polite but end the conversation and go on about your business. Also had to edit here to note this MAY be a desperation to get you in to bed. I base that on my recent experience so I say MAY, but don't worry about that (I just wanted you to be aware it COULD be an indication of that.) , just slow him down to your pace.
5. I don't know how to hide yourself online so he doesn't see you going on. But you know what? Fluck it! As I stated earlier, you're getting way ahead of yourself here. (Also a key mistake people make.)
And as a side note, don't forget who you are and what you have to offer. And above all don't get ahead of yourself. Too much thinking after the brief time you've known him is not good. Focus on YOUR life outside of a potential romance with him. I'm glad your instinct is to look for others. At his stage it should be. Follow it. Always take time to listen to and FOLLOW your instinct. All the thinking in the world often doesn't provide us with answers. If you can get in touch with your heart, your instinct, you will never be mislead. Sometimes hard to do in our society these days but necessary. Please keep us posted.
Wow, great comment. I appreciate your words and understand where you are coming from. I agree with most of it.
He's texting and calling. We talked for the first time Friday night, of course talked yesterday and he texted me today. I was kind of surprised he texted me so early. He called around the same time yesterday.
I was getting the impression he's not cheap with himself. All his clothes were expensive and he was taking about Gucci shades he was buying. But he couldn't buy my lunch at Chili's. I am not a self-centered person at all. I'm not huge into horoscopes, but I'm a Pisces he's a Capricorn. His personality type fits Capricorn.
It wasn't lousy, but I thought we got 20% service and he left a little over 10%. I think he should've at least left 15%. I would have put something down, but he said I have the tip.
Bad sign.
Not to mention the complaining, etc. really spells this: arse hole.
The guy gets a free pass on arse hole actions because you think he's cute?
There are STILL plenty of fish in the sea!! RUN from this one!
RED FLAG ALERT I'm not sure about the rest of it, but leaving a lousy tip on the first date is something most guys know better than to do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by picklejuice
[10%=]Bad sign. . . There are STILL plenty of fish in the sea!! RUN from this one!
"Bad" tipping on a first date generates a RED FLAG ALERT and "RUN from this one"???
How old you ladies?
Just curious what decade you picked up these dating standards. Or maybe I should just look at it as if you're doing guys a favor by being that particular, to put it mildly
Last edited by Dr. Clean; 03-24-2013 at 04:22 PM..
Not to mention the complaining, etc. really spells this: arse hole.
The guy gets a free pass on arse hole actions because you think he's cute?
There are STILL plenty of fish in the sea!! RUN from this one!
Yeah, I did let some of the stuff slide a bit because of how hot he is. I wouldn't say his actions were a-hole actions. I definitely don't think he handled things the best. I'm definitely not saying that.
"Bad" tipping on a first date generates a RED FLAG ALERT and "RUN from this one"???
How old you ladies?
Just curious what decade you picked up these dating standards. Or maybe I should just look at it as if you're doing guys a favor by being that particular, to put it mildly
Ummm, can't speak for the other poster...but I don't feel obligated to give you personal info on a public forum. Maybe if you really want to take it to that level you should send a direct message, so that the topic can stay on course here in the forum. And then I will tell you to go take a hike with the trolls anyway, because...well, if I have to explain it to you, then it only proves my point.
We think a guy under-tipping on a first date is bad form. You're outnumbered, and all you can come up with is an irrelevant age slam that's supposed to make us squirm because we happen to be women? Seriously, that's the best you could do? There are dudes who've waited tables and bartended their way through college, who could probably school you better...and I'd enjoy seeing that.
Seriously, a guy who undertips on a first date...not interested in making a good impression. This is a guy for whom an extra $1.50 is worth more than his chances of making a good impression (or getting laid). Of course, the above poster might suggest that he can easily get laid in "today's world" for $1.50, but I tend to think you get what you pay for...factoring in inflation, and all.
(By God, I remember when a loaf of bread was 10 cents, and we had to walk uphill both ways, in the snow, with no shoes on... )
Last edited by MegOrMargaret; 03-25-2013 at 05:05 AM..
Reason: drama & sarcasm
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RED FLAG ALERT 
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