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Don't you have other training to be made an officer or is it automatic?
you gotta make the cut. believe it or not, it's highly competitive, even when you're not in a recession (like <10% these days). many people are unaware of the professional opportunities being in the military offers those with education. from lawyers, doctors/healthcare, to IT, management and other professionals, have military officer experience is valuable career asset. there are professional opportunities for ex-military that are not available to your peers, such as security clearance credentials. just a matter of fact.
I just looked it up myself. You have to get accepted in officer training school. I know at least two people who thought they were going that route, people who were unemployed because of the economy, and both were denied at the 11th hour due to cutbacks.
Back to the topic. Empower your own sweet self. Get a good job and maybe your boyfriend will eventually get his PhD. Let's hope for the best.
Ok so I'm new here, but I needed someone else's opinion since I don't have a lot of girlfriends.
I've been dating my current boyfriend for almost 2 years now, though I knew him for about a year before we started dating. He's so supportive of me, I feel I can talk to him about anything and he never puts me down. I love every second I get to spend with him, but I'm concerned because I feel like our career choices are leading away from us having a future together.
I'm 20 and a junior in college, and I'm about to have an out of state internship this summer (roughly 26 hours and 2 timezones away). He's 24 and about to graduate this year, although this is his 6th year of college because he kept transferring before I met him.
So here's the problem, I guess. If I get offered a job after my internship, I know without a doubt I want to take it. I couldn't ask my boyfriend to uproot himself for the sake of my job, but because of a recent financial problem that has caused him to gradutate with a different degree so that he can leave sooner, he now doesn't know what he wants to do, and I don't know how to accomodate him in my decision. As I said, I can talk to him about anything, and I have brought this up more than once, but it always ends with him getting defensive and nothing actually getting accomplished. Before the unexpected change in major, he wanted to be a professor, but that would require more schooling and no help this time from his family. He also has always talked about joining the military, but he would have to lose at least 30 lbs, graduation is in may, and his lease ends in june (which he cannot afford to maintain). And with budget cuts I doubt they are taking a lot of people. He refuses to go talk to the recruiter until he graduates and ends the lease, but he has no ideas where he will stay or what he will do once that happens. Nor has he tried to start exercising or eating better, even when I offered to do it too. I would be fine if he didn't want to join the army, but it bothers me that he has labeled this as his "plan a" and isn't doing anything to get on track! Right now, he works minimum wage at the fast food restaurant where we met when he started 3 years ago. Of course, I'm not bothered by this either, seeing as I used to work there. But he hasn't tried to move up at all or even work full time. His excuse is that "I don't want to be a manager because I wont be there forever" and claims he can't work more than 2 days because of school, which is BS because all his free time is spent online with his friends, never studying.
He has ambition, but doesn't think about the steps it takes to reach his goals or actually do them. I want to see him do something with his life, but I know he is tired of hearing it from both me and his family. I also don't want to hurt my career by refusing a good offer to wait around for him to get it into gear. Should I just end it now, or give him a time frame? How do I work through this without either of us compromising too much?
always perplexed why women take on the role and sign up to be the guy's life coach instead of his gf/wife. Bizarre and a waste of time, IMO.
You two can't be a functioning happy couple long term unless you are BOTH developed. You are both young, I'm not saying that because this can't/won't work, rather know that this is YOUR time to set the stage for yourself. Good on you for breaking out of your comfort zone and taking a distance assignment. It will do you a world of good for your career, and that is something he should be supportive of. It would be good for both of you, long term.
I agree that you are overthinking this for now. Finish the internship first and see what happens. I'm glad I didn't NOT apply to my job which moved me all around the country when I started dating my boyfriend, it changed my life and has really set me up to have a good career path. He was amazingly supportive and we are still together.
Fact of the matter is, you don't need to have all the answers now. I think you should go ahead with your life and continue to be supportive of his. If he doesn't want to be supportive of you, ditch him. This is an internship for now, treat it like that. If an offer eventually comes, cross that bridge when you get there and go over your options with your boyfriend. If the two of you are meant to be and can work it out, it will work. I'd be glad to talk to you about my experiences (while not overseas distance, within the US) in a distance relationship and my thoughts on it.
Good luck, and don't lose sight of yourself.
I agree that he doesn't sound ambitious, sounds like he has some ideas. That's different.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone.
To people saying "cross the bridge later" about the internship, I know it's only an internship now, and while I certainly am not going to walk in there expecting I'll be hired when I leave, about 80% of the people in my major get picked up by the places they intern with after graduation. Also, regardless of if they take me or not, I do not plan on staying where I live now after graduation. I only live where I do now because I am actually from a military family myself. My family doesn't even live in this state anymore either. I was left here because I had already started college when they moved again.
As far as me trying to run his life or whatever, I guess it could be seen that way. For me, I always go at everything with the best of my ability, trying my hardest no matter how big or small the task is, and I make a lot of sacrifices to get what I want. So that's why it bothers me I guess that he had all these plans or ideas but isn't doing anything to get there, or seems to just be waiting for something to come to him. I'm not trying to tell him what to do in life, what job to pick or where he has to go. I just can't stand it when someone says they're going to seriously do something and then never get around to it.
It probably seems hard to imagine me saying that he has ambition given the current circumstances, but it didn't used to be this way. He went to high school at a well known military school/college, and held a pretty good rank in his class standings. He applied to West Point- had the grades, the references, but didn't quite pass the PT test. He ended up going to VMI instead, although he was only there for the summer and part of the fall. His gf of 3 years at the time said she couldn't deal with him being so far away and begged him to leave, so he did, but they broke up a week after he got home anyway. Then after some other various transfers he moved down here where all of his high school friends had moved to. He used to care more about things. He used to be the guy who would go the extra step, who would volunteer for things and really get to know his professors, doing things for the sake of gaining knowledge and bettering himself. It just seems that since he's come around this group of friends, who all don't go to college, are constantly in and out of jobs and getting kicked out of housing arrangements and whatnot that he's stopped caring and trying for anything.
Sort of got off topic.... :-/ Anyway, yeah I could say that I don't need to worry about what he's doing, but the two of us have discussed quite in depth that we want to have a serious long-term future, so it kind of does matter. Would I care if I was the main breadwinner? My parents might, but as long as there's some kind of equal contribution happening at home, then I don't care. I just wish he would give me some kind of clue so that I don't turn down offers while I'm waiting on him to figure out where he's going. I would love for him to come with me wherever I go, but I want for both of us to be able to pursue the careers we want while doing that. I have thought over the whole "leave now and enter my new environment with a fresh start", but I would feel like a terrible person I guess if I did that, because despite the current matter, this is the best relationship I've ever had. I feel like it would be a waste to throw it away when there are so many other positive aspects.
Ok, Im just going to end this before I keep droning on and on about my conflicting choices. Thanks again everyone for replying!
And Hawk J, I'm a really big Game of Thrones / Song of Ice and Fire fan! Also, I thought it seems fitting since khalasars are always on the move, and so am I
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