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Old 03-26-2013, 10:27 AM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,289,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
You can think he should know, but if he doesn't know, he doesn't know.

Even if he feels you are right that he should know... he still doesn't know.

What's the point of arguing that? Even if you win the argument...... he still doesn't know.

You can't force him to know.
My thing, if its even a possibility he should let me go. For me its like saying you might cheat on me in a couple years, but you want to wait it out until you decide if you're going to.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:33 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
My thing, if its even a possibility he should let me go. For me its like saying you might cheat on me in a couple years, but you want to wait it out until you decide if you're going to.
But he HAS told you it's possible... that's why he says he doesn't KNOW.

It's not for him to let you go, it's for you to decide if you want to go.

This situation sucks and I feel for you.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:34 AM
 
4,828 posts, read 4,271,640 times
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I had an idea once I got settled, so around 28. It took me to get settled to decide, and I've decided that I can have them or I can not have them. I have no issues dating single women with kids and I have no issue dating women without kids. The parenting skills are what's going to matter the most when children are involved. I have very little experience around small children, so I'll only truly know how I feel about children once I'm around an infant for an extended period of time. That's a leap of faith for me and it will either happen or it won't.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:35 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,262,527 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
It's not for him to let you go, it's for you to decide if you want to go.
I disagree.

The OP is fine with him (so far as I can tell) and the only 'problem' is his not knowing if he wants kids.

Well, if he does want kids, then the OP is not the right woman for him and he needs to move on.
She has no incentive to break up with him.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:35 AM
 
1,755 posts, read 2,991,144 times
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What weezer said. Some men don't consider marriage and kids til they actually end up in marriage and go, "Oh, so this ain't so bad." At least, that's what my aunt and uncle told me because they really were not all that interested in marriage until they got married.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:36 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,715,235 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by findly185 View Post
All I want is 100% confirmation that he doesn't want marriage or kids. Idk why all of a sudden he's flip flopping.
I think he may be flip flopping because he secretly harbours a desire to get married and have kids one day but he can't admit it to you.

It's such a difficult quandary to be in when you are 100% sure and he isn't. I think some people change their mind for whatever reason and maybe he simply will never be as sure as you.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by filihok View Post
I disagree.

The OP is fine with him (so far as I can tell) and the only 'problem' is his not knowing if he wants kids.

Well, if he does want kids, then the OP is not the right woman for him and he needs to move on.
She has no incentive to break up with him.
I disagree. She said if there is even a POSSIBILITY he wants kids he should break up with her. By not knowing, and being unable to tell her he does not want kids 100%, he IS saying there is a possibility he wants kids.

So by her own words, she should break up.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:41 AM
 
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I think I already knew I wanted to be married and to have children when I was very young, and actually very early in life...
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:44 AM
 
Location: moved
13,609 posts, read 9,644,958 times
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Does he “not know” because he’s torn by competing and equally compelling arguments on both sides, or because he hasn’t yet given it adequate thought?

A man who doesn’t want children reaches that decision fairly early in life – certainly by mid-20s. The likelier scenario is that the man wishes for children in the abstract, but is waffling regarding the crimping of lifestyle that fatherhood entails

In this case, the woman is the one who prefers not to marry, and to not have children. This is incredibly rare! If the man also doesn’t desire these things, then there’s no reason for him to be “stringing along” his partner. If however he does desire marriage and children, then presumably he’d be acting on it fairly soon.

If the man finds himself in legitimate quandary, then why not prompt him to make a list of pros and cons – from his perspective, and not necessarily from that of his partner. Let him articulate his beliefs and their consequences. He owes his partner a rigorous testament of his considerations, if not an outright decision. If he’s unwilling or unable to compile such a list, then maybe the relationship has no future. But if he’s amenable to making a list, then perhaps the two partners can sit down together to analyze the various considerations.
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:45 AM
 
Location: Albuquerque, NM
13,290 posts, read 15,262,527 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I disagree. She said if there is even a POSSIBILITY he wants kids he should break up with her. By not knowing, and being unable to tell her he does not want kids 100%, he IS saying there is a possibility he wants kids.

So by her own words, she should break up.
Nope.
By her own words according to you
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
he should break up with her.



It's on him to break up with her if she isn't fulfilling all of his relationship needs (a family). She has the ability to control her own reproduction. Her relationship needs are met.

Now, if he gets whiny and complainy about wanting kids, then she should break up with him because he's being whiny and complainy.
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