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As a guy, for the last 15 years I've been told by a lot of women that they wished they waited to sleep with me for X amount of time while we were laying in bed together afterwards.
Huge red flag.
My personal opinion would be to run away well you can.
It amazes me that the women on this forum try to act like its somehow your fault that you don't respect the fact that your fiancé has gobbled at least 35 other guys knobs. They've all immediately jumped to the conclusion that its somehow your fault. You should live in the moment and accept that she lied to you.
I'm calling BS on all of these female posters.
I've had the exact opposite happen to me (albeit not at the fiance level) quite a bit during my dating life.
The difference amongst genders in my experience has been that I am entirely willing to take 100% personal responsibly for my actions as an adult for anything that I have done since I was 16
If your lying to your fiance about things you did when you are an adult then you you are a terrible person. Sorry "reformed party girls" you did things as an adult. Deal with it.
Glad to see you are willing to take 100% responsibility for your actions as an adult
I don't see any women here not willing to do the same What is there to "deal" with? You seem to have gone a bit off topic.
Wow. I can't believe how many of you have responded, even if the vast majority think that I am the bad guy in all this. I know that I'm not. I just came to this forum to get some perspective and I guess that's what I got.
To Toroid. Thanks for the understanding dude - but then you're a guy.
To Ascension2012: I would like to think that a) I'm not deluded, and b) I'm reasonable in hoping that ALL women are not like the ones you describe.
You said "when they meet up with bad boys or guys who in general are not a BF or Husband material, they will give it up on a first date or right away, because they couldnt care less what the guy thinks of them. But when they meet a mr nice guy who has his **** together, who makes a great bf or husband material, they will make him wait and walk around with blue balls for 90 days."
That, to me, comes across as scheming, deceitful, miserable. And you know what? I do NOT want to be the guy with the "blue balls." I do not feel respected or loved that "Jane" blew 35 guys cause it wasn't special but gave me blue balls cause I was husband material.
I have no interest in going long term or marrying someone like that. What self respecting guy would settle down with leftovers? What self respecting guy would settle down with a woman who tells him he's special at number 36? She was the frat bike - everyone took a turn (or more). Why should I settle for that? Seriously.
I know I'll get slammed again but please notice that I have not called "Jane" some of the accurate descriptors that other posters have used.
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That, to me, comes across as scheming, deceitful, miserable. And you know what? I do NOT want to be the guy with the "blue balls." I do not feel respected or loved that "Jane" blew 35 guys cause it wasn't special but gave me blue balls cause I was husband material.
I have no interest in going long term or marrying someone like that. What self respecting guy would settle down with leftovers? What self respecting guy would settle down with a woman who tells him he's special at number 36? She was the frat bike - everyone took a turn (or more). Why should I settle for that? Seriously.
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Yup. You basically bought what 35 other guys test drove for free. Its like if some guy sold you a car with low miles only to find out he rolled back the odometer. Its too bad there isn't a lemon law on the books for this sort of thing.
everything else aside from the actual question presented:
your own is the the only perspective you need is your own as far as a judgment call goes. your relationships and happiness within them depends on how YOU feel about the person you are involved with. if you cant deal with the fact she has done things in her life you do not agree with its probably best for you AND her that you move on to someone else.
she was single at the time, a free bird...who cares. what matters is "can you get over it?" and more importantly "do you feel you can trust her being the person she is to you now?"
if the answer is a no to any one of these, its time to move on and find someone a little more suitable for yourself and your personal outlook and moral set. you are not doing anyone a favor by staying with a person who you harbor any ill feelings towards or are unable to get passed the facts of the matter
Last edited by rego00123; 03-29-2013 at 10:51 PM..
As far as the bad boy / nice guy thing is concerned: I have always been respectful of women and I have treated my past girlfriends well. My number is 9 so I'm not wet behind the ears. None, however, have been one night stands or FWB.
So I guess that makes me the "nice guy." Maybe it's time to change. Why would I want to ever again be "nice" when that would get me "90 days of blue balls?" If I become a bad boy jerk, then I can get sex on "the first date."
Look, I'm an average guy and I can think. Your logic is illogical to me. I want to feel that I am the one who got my girl easily because I was so irresistible AND that she was very (very) difficult for all other guys to get. What I have here, dear Acension2012, is the exact opposite. Not a good feeling.
So you are saying its okay to be with tons of people as long as you don't care about them and then the person you DO care about should accept that?
Makes NO sense
I guess that is what they call "meaningless sex." Not that I do that, but the term makes sense. I am never one to agree with anything like that so don't get me started down that road...I'm just saying.
I am quite sure that men have no problem with no feelings attached sex and are not judged as harshly as the OP is judging his fiance.
Wah. I had to wait 2 months!
Basically what this boils down to to me is he is calling his woman a ****. Mad that she wasn't his ****.
She obviously isn't happy with this, and I have no idea why something like this would just come out in casual conversation.
Oh Todd! Do you remember that one time when your fiance was a total ****?
OP does not accept her for who she is. He feels like he was done wrong. I bet he wouldn't have minded being one of those 35. What does that make him? (if that were the case...)
You were ok with 6 because well your numbers higher .... Bull****.
I wonder how many guys shes had actual sexual intercourse with ... I mean if that numbers like 2 to your 9 well ... She doesnt want to be your #10 ... thats not gonna make her feel special is it!?
Oh and 2 months went to 3 months quickly huh ... wow ... it must have been so awful ahving blue balls that long - you dont have a hand or anything ... GROW UP!
ETA: Also ... she had a bunch of oral sex ... meaningless oral sex years ago ... YOUVE had 9 relationships (not FWB or ONS) .... what does that say about YOU?! What ... your 30? So in 10 reasonable years youve had 9 RELATIONSHIPS ... WOW long terms not your thing huh?! That kinda explains a lot. Do this with all the girls, do you?
We all do stupid things when we're young and dumb. How does that change who she is now? Maybe she was too embarrassed to bring it up? Maybe she didn't want you to judge her then like you are now. I say let it go. Clearly she has matured since then.
I agree 100%.
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What is there to "deal" with? You seem to have gone a bit off topic.
