What is wrong with men today?

[rego00123]

because the majority of them look for what they "think" they want and change themselves to obtain it (which inevitably doesn't last) instead of going for what they actually need.

[LeaveWI]

I can understand the OP's frustration as there are some less than stellar characters out there, and I never let a person's health challenges determine if I want to date them or not, because, to me, that isn't fair; Some unfortunate things cannot be helped, a few ladies I've been with have had health challenges-my current gf is 32 and due to a genetic ailment, requires a walking frame to get around, and is in constant pain from it. I love her and accept her just the same-we simply deal with it together, as it should be. so for that OP I am sorry this is happening. You seem like a decent person and it sucks with what you are dealing with.
On a side note could you imagine the reaction if a man had started a thread "What is wrong with women today"??? I have seen threads that have been started along that very theme, and the thread starter usually gets blasted by both genders, including the self appointed CD "misogynist hit squad" Just an observation.

[Bronxguyanese]

Originally Posted by soletaire

I think the guy's you are looking for have just gotten tired and quit playing the game. Not that that's your fault at all, but whoever's fault it is, this will always hurt women more than it hurts men in this society because women expect men to do the initiating in this society. And because there are fewer men than women in the first place, the dearth of good men pursuing women is going to be even more apparent. So much so that when decent men stop initiating and the shallow sexaholics are the only ones left playing the game, I think it leaves women in a quandary and frustrated. And I honestly dont think the men who went by the book, and did the whole getting to know a woman for who she is, and all that -- I dont even think they're fit to be suitable mates anymore...Some would say they never were to begin with. But obviously these guys you're left to choose from now arent suitable candidates either or you'd be married to one already. But you have to incentivize and reinforce that type of conditioning to invest in meaningful relationships with women, with some sort of reward in the form of successful relationships with girls or women early on and consistently. Not even sexually speaking. They just need good experiences with women early and often. Because much of life is about momentum in the sense that moving in the right direction more than likely will result in more movement in the right direction. But I think that decent people dont just continue to be decent just for the hell of it. Something has to be in place to show them that their efforts are valued by society in some way, shape or form. Which is why you have so many of those trampy women you referred to in your post everywhere nowdays. Thats what is being valued by society. Its valued by a media that will give you a multi million dollar contract and a reality show for getting piped down in front of the whole world. And to those trampy, attention starved females, its valued by these oversexed horndog "alpha" male sluts that they view as desirable.

But genuinely decent people, men and women get played now days. Straight up. They get used and toyed with. I think this is where either women or society in general dropped the ball as it pertains to keeping intact relationships between the sexes. I know Ive talked to several men Ive worked with and know personally, and a lot of working men who bought into all of that 'respect women and women will be receptive to you' talk, feel that that just doesnt really pan out in practice today. No other way to put it really - you just wind up losing like that. And these men Ive talked to most recently, dont even complain about not being successful with women anymore like men of old. At least when they complained about it a couple years back, you knew they still cared. There was a time, up until about 3 years ago, when Ive seen men fighting back tears because they felt they had struck out with women. They still had that drive to go make it happen though and like losing at anything you're passionate about obtaining, you have feelings connected to it. I guess you could call them quitters or something because now, increasingly have given up and seem to have just accepted it. Sometimes Ive heard men laugh at their own unfortunate plight with women. Which I guess thats better than getting depressed over it...I guess.

But in talking to one of my female coworkers the other day, she said that "SOOO many of her girlfriends and women she knows" are frustrated with men because, in her words "there are no good men left.." and "all the men nowdays are shallow"...to which I laughed and responded that there are hardly any good women worth investing time in and all the women are shallow nowdays too -- but the only difference is that traditionally most men still mustered up the gall to play the game despite the shallowness, because thats what society told them they were supposed to endure for the better good. <I didnt say that last part when we were talking>...but women have always wanted tall, handsome, athletic men with money. Thats nothing new. Men b_tched about it a little, and moved on and approached women anyway, knowing that unless they were all the above, 9 times out of 10 they'd be rejected by many. But I think now that money is no longer an issue, so that yes, women still want a man with money, even though she has her own, those other superficial requirements are just downright unattainable for some men. That wouldnt be a problem if they were women. Because they wouldnt be expected to do the initiating. They could be the most hideous female behemoth on earth and one of 2 things would still happen: 1) Either they'd eventually get approached by some desperate man who had reached his wits end at being lonely or 2) They'd get approached by a player who just wanted some sexing from anything that would give it to him. It may not be much but like you said, it at least strokes the ego. But one way or another, she'd still be in the game. But I think a lot of these men you feel are extinct nowdays have just quit. The money thing, a man can work hard at and at least HAVE HOPES of attaining and becoming a contender in the dating game. But now that money isnt the bargaining chip that it used to be, there are a lot of men who have just rolled over and quit, because one thing about shallowness is: Its not really an issue as long as you're used to someone else initiating the romance. Because everyone has different tastes anyway. And a man's shallowness tends to boil down to taking whatever he can get. But once the expectations to initiate are leveled, as it is with most online dating, and you're also allowed to equally absorb the brunt of rejection due to shallow standards (whether that be because YOU rejected him because you werent comfortable with only a casual sex encounter or because the guy was already married and willing to cheat), I think it becomes apparent how demoralizing constant failure at meeting such uncompromising standards can be.

Reps, and I agree with you. The Thing is this that everyone is looking or something better out there. Most don't want what's beneath them or even sometimes equal to. What I realized is a guy that I do want a woman with a big butt or a nice rack, but most likely I wont get a woman like that and if I did she might be a wash with problems for me to tend with from her previous relationships. Some men do eventually settle at the end. Lately I have been meeting hyper women. Last summer example at a roof top lounge in the heart of Manhattan, I met a couple of females, talked conversed or what not. One of the questions that pops out of one woman's mouth is what school did you go to? I told her I went to a public institution here in Manhattan which turned her off because I did not attend Ivy league school. Another time another woman asked what I do for a living? Another woman asked me, what part of NYC am I from? She only dated guys from Brooklyn because Brooklyn guys have more swag, sadly her ex baby father is from Brooklyn too. These questions these women made me answered were used to measure if I'm datable or not based on their terms and unrealistic ideals. Now you see why some women cry about that there are no datable men, but the datable men they already rejected. Now you wonder why some guys end up going to Bangkok, or Phuket, Phillipines, Brazil, Cartagena Colombia, Dominican Republic and Russia for women, and American women going to Western Europe and Latin America for men.

The area in the bold highlight? I have seen this happened before many times not to me but with good friends of mines, I can also say I even played the player part 2 a couple of times, often a woman who is below average or even average has no shortage of men, even though in my neck of the woods single women out number men by 200,000 or more. A few lucky men who are either players or in committed relationships are screwing around with other women while these women hope Mr. Right will dump his SO and move on or just needs MR. Right, right now. A desperate guy will come off as needy so most likely a woman even an unattractive woman will most likely choose the player.

[LS Jaun]

Originally Posted by Raena77

Did you just refer to yourself in the third person? Lol

I swich up like that sometimes. First, second and third person sometimes. Guess I'm Tri

[metamorphosis]

Originally Posted by glodat

Could someone please tell me what are men's problems? I'm sick of hearing they can't find a good woman and all women want is money from them. I'm a good woman, financially secure, believe I'm attractive... am often told that, but just can't find anyone since my husband died over 2 years ago. Forget online, I'm so damn tired of spending hundreds of dollars to dating services, I hear from so many men, over 200 within 2 weeks, some I would like to meet and we may send a message or two and suddenly they disappear. I see them online and I feel it is so many females answering them and offering them whatever they want on and off line and I am not willing to disrespect my body for these losers/players, I have never had an STD and not about to start. There are so many who end up with an STD. I admit I am attracted to the good looking men and feel they know they can get any woman they want. One man I paid to get on the dating site just to get on the dating site to meet and talk to him and was so hurt that he said he was only looking for a casual date and he had no problem dating a woman who was involved with another man. I was shocked and hurt. He was gorgeous but I could never date him, it showed me what his character was, not nice at all and I noticed that he hears from lots of women, I see why he's divorced. . I guess sometimes it is not how someone looks but the character and respect. Many have contacted me but I didn't respond. My late husband was no where by a long shot the most good looking man I've ever known, but he was the nicest and respected me. I don't know if I'll ever find anyone, even though I'm very lonely, I have a few female friends and my family all live out of town but speak to them several times a week. After I just paid this dating site for a month, after this I'm finished with online dating sites, I don't believe they work for most people and the ads of course aren't going to be truthful. I don't work, have a part time home business so except for my clients, really don't get to meet many people. I do get looks but except for a few, men act shy or afraid to approach. I have been married twice and feel that were my chances, lots of women can't get married even once. I think these pathetic women today are so desperate they just give sex away just to have men in their lives, men who probably never would marry them and today, men feel why get burdened down with marriage when it is so much free sex out here. My stupid 58 year of brother is messing with girls in their 20s, he wants no one older that 30, and what happened his wife of 35 years left him last summer. He begged her to come back and last week she found out he's at it again. He knows these little girls only want his money and gifts and they listen to him put down his wife and say she's crazy. And constantly telling her it's all his money and he could cut her off and last week was the last straw she moved in with her daughter who makes very good money and talking to her about filing for a divorce. This woman most of the marriage has saved his life because he has health problems. The young girls would never do that. I just don't understand these old fools, can't stand the thought of getting old and want to replace their older wives with young teeny boppers who they have nothing in common besides his money and her giving him sex, think it's called prostitution. Well if I don't meet a nice man by the end of the year, I'll just forget it and resign myself to being alone like other females I know. And I will not settle for just anyone just to have a man. It's sad how today gets more and more sexual oriented and monogamy is quickly becoming a thing of the past.

You are looking for a handsome man, and passing up good guys that are average??? It IS about character and respect, and you might find it in a man who isn't Mr. Hot Shot.

I can understand why you feel the way you do. The good part is that not all men are like that. Maybe you are just venting. But if your tone in this post is the same as the way you relate to another person, they might be able to see the chip on your shoulder. Please don't misunderstand. I'm not trying to be insulting, I'm just saying that it's very clear that you are not happy and it comes off as not happy with ANY man/men.

To answer the poll: Yes, I met my last SO online (not a dating site, though).

[Black Jack22]

See if I created a thread like this, it would get locked.