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Old 03-31-2013, 04:38 PM
 
5 posts, read 48,530 times
Reputation: 12

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This is not my first post on the forums, just my first post with this username. (not trolling)

Anyway, one of my GF's best friends is getting married. We have been together for 4 years but still too young to get engaged, I am still in grad school etc.. Anyway she told me of the plans for the party. The maid of honor is getting a hotel suite at one of the nicest hotels in Miami. That is where we live its not a trip to Miami or anything. Out to dinner, going to club, might spend the night there and do breakfast and beacht he next day. But between Dinner and Club there will probably be a stripper. 10-12 girls will be in the party. I don't know any of them very well besides for my GF of course.

Anyway I am fine with the whole thing besides for the private hotel room stripper. I would even be ok with them going to a strip club. I just see that private room, alcohol, and some model type guy taking his clothes off is a bad mixture. (no its not a jealously thing of a good looking guy, me and my gf are lets say pretty above average looks, 6 months in the gym I could be the model too.)

So I told her I don't like it, I will be upset about it etc.. She says a bachelorette having some stripper is a "right of passage" (where did that bs come from?) Anyway she also says all the strippers are gay anyway. Which could not be farther from the truth. I do beleive her when she says a guy dancing in a thong is not exacltly attractive and more funny. She IMO seems very naive about the whole. She really does not think that male strippers come to parties ready to "get with" one of the girls at the party. Male strippers are very hands on, even grab the girls hands and place them in places where in any other situation they would be arrested for sexual assault.

But this is what I have not discussed with her. I honestly feel that a girl in a serious relationship, grouping, touching, taking boday shots off of, having dollar bills out of their bra by the strippers teeth is borderline cheating. And that touching inappropriate areas, dancing with a naked or nearly naked man or being grinded on, especially while wearing a skirt/dress is something that done in any other situation is cheating no questions asked. We don't even need to get into anything further.

No I am not worried that my gf is going to have sex with the stripper or do anything sexual with him. But I don't even feel comfortable with her "slapping him" or touching him or dancing with him as I am sure other girls will be. She is not a "wild" girl and barely drinks so my main question is what is the best way to tell her of my concerns and my opinon and bascially I want to say, "I would really really prefer if you don't touch the guy because if I was touching a girl or dancing with a girl in the ways the girls and stripper wants the girls to touch and dance with him you would not be talking to be anymore."

I also don't what that "what happens at the party stays there BS" She knows the type of person I am and she knows I won't like that weekend. I could tell in the way she was telling me about the plans. I am not and can't tell her not to go but I am just looking for advice in talking to her about it and for me to stop worrying about it.

Thanks for the input.
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:41 PM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,941,923 times
Reputation: 20083
You should volunteer to be the stripper. Problem solved.
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:45 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,530,848 times
Reputation: 16394
Have you ever been to a bachelor party with a stripper or to a strip club?
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:49 PM
 
5 posts, read 48,530 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by the minx View Post
You should volunteer to be the stripper. Problem solved.
Don't think she would approve of that
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Have you ever been to a bachelor party with a stripper or to a strip club?
Obviously not. I am a guy. But heard thing from girls I know, and seen a few blogs of male strippers which seem legit. My ideas are not coming from those fake porn things which people actually think are real.
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:54 PM
 
Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
11,233 posts, read 16,341,237 times
Reputation: 13536
Huh...well, if you trust her it shouldn't be an issue.

However, typing in "bachelorette party" into pornhub, with the "dancing bear" I believe, doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
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Old 03-31-2013, 05:00 PM
 
5 posts, read 48,530 times
Reputation: 12
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnatomicflux View Post
Huh...well, if you trust her it shouldn't be an issue.

However, typing in "bachelorette party" into pornhub, with the "dancing bear" I believe, doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Trust her 100% What I don't like is the idea of her being so freaking nieve that she thinks these guys are all gay, don't want to try to get with the girls at the party.

And I also don't like the idea of her being peered pressured into taking body shots off the guy or putting money by her bra etc.. Those seem to be pretty normal things for the strippers to do as "games." She is 5'2 105lbs, if she is so nieve the guy might just come up to her grab her hands or start dry humping her like I heard of which happens. That type of stuff is on youtube. I just don't find it appropriate.
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Old 03-31-2013, 05:03 PM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,187 posts, read 5,142,548 times
Reputation: 4999
Quote:
Originally Posted by Magnatomicflux View Post
Huh...well, if you trust her it shouldn't be an issue.

However, typing in "bachelorette party" into pornhub, with the "dancing bear" I believe, doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Alcohol, masses of your friends egging you on, sexually attractive performers, festive mood: people doing things they normally would never do.
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Old 03-31-2013, 05:14 PM
 
1,696 posts, read 4,329,549 times
Reputation: 3931
OP your feelings are normal. Take note that your girlfriend does not share these feelings. She views stripper bachelorette parties as a "right of passage". This is how she believes a marriage should be celebrated. If you eventually propose, expect that she will have her own bachelorette party with strippers before your wedding.

If you have ever watched a stripper perform you are a filthy hypocrite, but if you have not and never would, then this is just a case of a mismatch. This type of fundamental difference in philosophy does end up causing a lot of pain and strife within relationships. She'd be better off with a porn addict who could care less about (or would even be turned on by) her taking body shots off strippers. You'd be better off with a girl who wouldn't even have the type of friends that invite strippers to their bachelorette parties.
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Old 03-31-2013, 05:30 PM
 
Location: Windsor, Ontario, Canada
11,233 posts, read 16,341,237 times
Reputation: 13536
Quote:
Originally Posted by executivejets View Post
Trust her 100% What I don't like is the idea of her being so freaking nieve that she thinks these guys are all gay, don't want to try to get with the girls at the party.

And I also don't like the idea of her being peered pressured into taking body shots off the guy or putting money by her bra etc.. Those seem to be pretty normal things for the strippers to do as "games." She is 5'2 105lbs, if she is so nieve the guy might just come up to her grab her hands or start dry humping her like I heard of which happens. That type of stuff is on youtube. I just don't find it appropriate.
Jesus, she's a tiny one. I don't know if she is nieve though. If she is, she'll find out you're right soon enough lol.

I don't know man. I guess you just have to be confident that she'll pull her hands away. If he starts grinding her, it is her option to tell him to **** off. But, being that small, and not a big drinker, this booze is going to go to her head. I say, since you trust her 100%, at most she'll let a naked dude grind her. Not a pretty picture, I know, but.........nothing to be done about it except lock her in the basement.

You can't stop her from going, and you'll never know what happens anyway. I understand your concerns though.

Just tell her what you said to us: "I would really really prefer if you don't touch the guy because if I was touching a girl or dancing with a girl in the ways the girls and stripper wants the girls to touch and dance with him you would not be talking to be anymore."

Don't be mad about it, don't be frustrated about it. Just let her know your concerns. She is going there to have fun afterall, and you do not want to be the cause of a miserable night.

You trust her, and trust can't exist without the possibility of being hurt. Seriously don't worry. If she's a good, loving girl like you say she is, she is just going to have fun.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck View Post
Alcohol, masses of your friends egging you on, sexually attractive performers, festive mood: people doing things they normally would never do.
Yeah, I know.
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Old 03-31-2013, 05:31 PM
 
Location: Miami/ Washington DC
4,836 posts, read 11,949,977 times
Reputation: 2589
Quote:
Originally Posted by k9coach View Post
OP your feelings are normal. Take note that your girlfriend does not share these feelings. She views stripper bachelorette parties as a "right of passage". This is how she believes a marriage should be celebrated. If you eventually propose, expect that she will have her own bachelorette party with strippers before your wedding.

If you have ever watched a stripper perform you are a filthy hypocrite, but if you have not and never would, then this is just a case of a mismatch. This type of fundamental difference in philosophy does end up causing a lot of pain and strife within relationships. She'd be better off with a porn addict who could care less about (or would even be turned on by) her taking body shots off strippers. You'd be better off with a girl who wouldn't even have the type of friends that invite strippers to their bachelorette parties.
No you are getting it wrong. Like I said I have no problem with her going to a male strip club. I have seen strippers before. (Before we were together) the big difference between male strippers and female are females are dont touch or they bring a 300lb bouncer with them if its private event. The male stripper comes to get touched and get rowdy with the girls. This is what she is being very nieve about. She thinks the strippers are gay. It's the private hotel room setting and her being so freaking nieve about what these strippers want and what her friends might do/want to do.

I agree with that right of passage is bs though. Again I believe her when she says its more funny than anything else but I am fairly confident that she has never seen a private stripper party.

Just looking for advice on how to talk to her about my frustrations with the situation.
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