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Old 04-05-2013, 08:24 AM
 
Location: North NJ by way of Brooklyn, NY
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If you and your SO set a date to get married, but there has not yet been a formal proposal, are you engaged?

For the record, he doesn't want to propose without a ring, but we did agree on a date. Things are just crazy for both of us right now. However my neighbor says the fact we set a date makes us engaged, I say no it's just plans. Others seem to fluctuate as well, so what say you, our fellow buddies on CD?
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:28 AM
 
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I would assume you are only engaged if you have been proposed to. If you set a date, Id imagine a proposal should be right around the corner, even if these two events should happen in reverse order, IMO. My sisters boyfriend, asked my father if he could marry her, with her knowing about it, yet he has not proposed to her as of months later. In their case it is little different as I believe control issues come into play, and she may need to give him a green light to propose in the first place. Which is all types of odd in my book, but what do i know.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:30 AM
 
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If you set a date and actually booked something (the Church or venue) then your engaged in my opinion. If all you did was point at the calendar and say "that looks like a good day" then nope, not engaged in my opinion.

A ring doesn't change anything. I have a friend that has a ring (proposal was 3yrs ago), no date picked and no plans of him being willing to pick a date so it becomes sort of a "collar" for her. I'd have given that ring back 2yrs ago!
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:31 AM
 
Location: Tri-State Area
2,942 posts, read 5,798,143 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss J 74 View Post
If you and your SO set a date to get married, but there has not yet been a formal proposal, are you engaged?

For the record, he doesn't want to propose without a ring, but we did agree on a date. Things are just crazy for both of us right now. However my neighbor says the fact we set a date makes us engaged, I say no it's just plans. Others seem to fluctuate as well, so what say you, our fellow buddies on CD?
A ring or some other substantial ($$) purchase is a sign of commitment. Me calling you up and saying "oh, our schedule is sooo booked up and traveling to Italy in July is the wrong time of the year - it's too hot!" is just idle chatter. You are not engaged until a formal proposal with a token of that commitment (even if it is a cigar wrapper) is extended and accepted by you.
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:33 AM
 
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Not engaged
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Old 04-05-2013, 08:50 AM
 
Location: NY
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Why the need for a formal ceremony of engagement to be engaged? If both of you have "agreed" to get married, to the point of selecting the date, it sounds like an engagement to me. You just haven't done any of the traditional "trappings" of formal proposals or rings. Maybe it is best seen as an informal engagement. It isn't just "dating" anymore if you have a wedding date set.
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:00 AM
 
Location: North NJ by way of Brooklyn, NY
2,628 posts, read 4,437,784 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *Sixy* View Post
If you set a date and actually booked something (the Church or venue) then your engaged in my opinion. If all you did was point at the calendar and say "that looks like a good day" then nope, not engaged in my opinion.

A ring doesn't change anything. I have a friend that has a ring (proposal was 3yrs ago), no date picked and no plans of him being willing to pick a date so it becomes sort of a "collar" for her. I'd have given that ring back 2yrs ago!
We have an officiant. However it's a friend of mine. Plus neither of us wants to make a big deal of it, we may end up at City Hall and just throwing a party for 50 people after. Neither of us are really traditionalists.

It was kind of funny because we looked at each other and said "are we engaged now? I don't even know" "neither do I"
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:12 AM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
17,379 posts, read 21,293,917 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Miss J 74 View Post
If you and your SO set a date to get married, but there has not yet been a formal proposal, are you engaged?

For the record, he doesn't want to propose without a ring, but we did agree on a date. Things are just crazy for both of us right now. However my neighbor says the fact we set a date makes us engaged, I say no it's just plans. Others seem to fluctuate as well, so what say you, our fellow buddies on CD?
ConGratulations on setting a date, My Friends.........
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:42 AM
 
7,227 posts, read 6,636,286 times
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My mom and her husband discussed getting married and then got married. I'm pretty sure it's legit, even though he didn't "propose".

I guess some people only think it's "official" when the man decides to ask, but I don't understand that. I would think the mutual desire to marry in the near future is a engagement.
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Old 04-05-2013, 09:51 AM
 
11,865 posts, read 16,361,519 times
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It really only matters how you feel about it. I don't think anyone is going to care if you say you're engaged but don't have a ring.

I have a ring but we never set a date (and probably never will). I don't think I'm any more or less engaged than you are.
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