Ok, this is something that is happenning to a relative of mine very close to my heart, a wonderful person that is suffering a great deal with this. I have spoken about this with my mom and we both cant find a good way out for her. Will expsoe the situation and see if someone haves any solution.
This person is a woman, now 65, lets call her LUCY. Youthful, beautiful in and out, wonderful, worldly, smart, caring and interesting person. She is VERY career driven, she have had a great job all her life that had allowed her to travel to more than 80 countries. Now she is the head of the departament (its in a huge specialized library, she traveled around the world organizing and attending conferences about the topic of the library) and great at what she does. She haves many friends, and is loved deeply by all her friends and family.
BUT (theres a but) since she was always travelling/working/meeting interesting people all around the world and living her life, she never settled down with a partner until she was 50. I mean, she had dates and all, but never settled down. Finally, at age 50, she started seeing a guy. It turns out this guy was THE biggest douche ever
. He was drunk all the time, he couldnt behave in public, said the most offensive things always in family reunions, and cause some of the other relatives to not want to be in the same room with the douche, so Lucy had to be left out of many family-ocassions. Lucy, before, had never had a problem with anyone (even when this family is huge) and everyone loved her. After meeting the douche, she was left out a lot
. Even his own brother, who lives 2 blocks from her, didnt spoke to her and the douche for 4 years at one point.
Anyways, fast forward a lot of years and now, Lucy and Douche have been together for 15 years. They are both 65, Lucy looks around 50, keeps having to travel every year for work, and is youthful. Douche, since getting together with Lucy (and before), had NEVER worked, lived by Lucys money (Lucy is not rich or even upper middle class, just middle class but gets to travel a lot thanks to her work), and Lucy even bought a house with her life-savings a couple of years ago, in where they both live. Anyways, he is an alcoholic, i mean he has been diagnosed as an alcoholic and has been in recover a couple of times, with no results. Anyways, point is hes been an alcoholic for many years now, and is, since a couple of times, losing it. Like his head cables arent connecting anymore, he is having lapsus of logic, he cant walk properly, is like the damage to his brain is now too huge and he is on the verge of becoming a vegetable, almost. Also, ssince he always had a rage problem, he often haves rages against Lucy, in where she haves to call some other relative or friend to help her
. Also, Lucy has been shortening her trips (she basically haves one long trip a year -usually a month- to a remote place, that now she shortened to 2 weeks, and then she haves short trips within the country that she does not go to anymore to take care of douche) and basically is not only working every day, but coming home and taking care of the crazy raging alcoholic
.
Im, of course, asking WHY DOESNT SHE LEFT HIM???, and my mom answered, understandibly "he is old, not right in the head, he doesnt have any money or somehwere to live, his daughter -he haves a daughter, not with Lucy, but from a previous marriage (lucy does not have kids)- hates him and doesnt want anything to do with him, he haves NO friends on his own and no way of making money since he is alcoholic and not right in the head"
So, basically, Lucy is in charge of him, until he dies, she dies, he kills her, etc. Also, Lucy haves to go to USA this year to ORGANIZE the conference (she is the head and the boss now, she has been recently rewarded for the great career and now has the best position) and she is thinkingh of NOT GOING, cause douche gets worse all the time. Lucy basically fears when she goes to work cause he starts drinking and starts breaking the appartment, and he falls down (ended up in the hospital with broken hip, leg, you name it), etc, but she CANT stop working cause she haves 2 people to mantain, his treatments, his medical bills, etc. So, she is basically living in hell now, when she is supposed to be enjoying a life of work and travelling and sharing her knowledge.
I know i know, its her fault too cause she did got with the douche in the first place, but she is one of the nicest people i know, such a wonderful person, she does not deserve this.
Also, she doesnt want to leave him for 2 reasons:
1) he is old, haves no money, no way of making it, not a friend in life. She will feel she is lefting him to die.
2) in case she did left him, he is not ok in the head, he might easily come back and try to kill her or any of the family she haves.
What would you advice in such a situation??
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