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Old 04-10-2013, 10:35 AM
 
3 posts, read 8,844 times
Reputation: 10

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I've been seeing someone for 2 months, he just got out of a 4 year relationship so I haven't pushed him to commit. Things have been going amazing the last little while, sex is great, together almost everyday. Last night we laid everything on the table and talked about possibly taking the next step soon since everything is going so well, and we both decided to tell each other about other flings we've had while dating each other. He dropped the bomb that he slept with his ex a couple times when we started hanging out, because he wasn't sure if she was the one that got away. He was honest and I believe him when he said that it was over and he wanted to be truthful with me that it just didn't work and he is more interested in me. I also was dating and hooking up casually, so I suppose I cant be a hypocrit. Can a relationship work ? I feel jealous and at times think about it and get mad.. am I being silly?
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Old 04-10-2013, 10:44 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,466,473 times
Reputation: 10809
You are being silly, IMO, since you did the same, just with random strangers instead of an ex. It sounds like he was honest, and got her out of his system, so to speak - which is good, right?
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Old 04-10-2013, 10:48 AM
 
Location: NY
177 posts, read 365,143 times
Reputation: 229
You'd rather find out before making any kind of commitment that he had seen his ex, rather than after.

It does take a while to get someone out of your head and if you believe him that it's over now, are happy with him and can let it be in the past that's a good thing. If it will always bother you that he was with his ex, then let him go before you get more attached.
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Old 04-10-2013, 10:54 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,104,160 times
Reputation: 11796
How can you be mad at him when you were hooking up with other people too? Even if you weren't you guys hadn't promised to be exclusive at that point. Sounds like things are headed the way you want them to, so I wouldn't worry about it.
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Old 04-10-2013, 10:57 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,427 posts, read 3,982,492 times
Reputation: 2300
some things are better left unsaid

however, yes it can certainly work here. try not to dwell on it. good luck
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Old 04-10-2013, 10:57 AM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,724 posts, read 21,225,548 times
Reputation: 14823
Quote:
Originally Posted by court4444 View Post
... I also was dating and hooking up casually, so I suppose I cant be a hypocrit. Can a relationship work ? I feel jealous and at times think about it and get mad.. am I being silly?
You were doing the same thing. If he can forgive, you should be able to forgive too. Or, more accurately, there's nothing for either of you to forgive. Just forget.
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Old 04-10-2013, 11:00 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,997,945 times
Reputation: 11707
Until you and the person your dating reach a point where you commit to being exlcusive to each other then there is no expectation of exclusivity.

He slept around, you slept around, now the two of you are building a relationship and thinking of taking it to the next level (whatever that means in this instance).

So, commit to an exclusive relationship and see where it goes.
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Old 04-10-2013, 11:34 AM
 
Location: Pa
42,763 posts, read 52,838,486 times
Reputation: 25362
Your fine. Unless he goes back to his ex.
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Old 04-10-2013, 11:41 AM
 
3 posts, read 8,844 times
Reputation: 10
theres another issue. does anyone ever think that it's a good idea to step back if there has been a significant ex in your man's life? take chances or put your gaurd up
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Old 04-10-2013, 11:46 AM
 
35,095 posts, read 51,212,218 times
Reputation: 62667
Quote:
Originally Posted by court4444 View Post
I've been seeing someone for 2 months, he just got out of a 4 year relationship so I haven't pushed him to commit. Things have been going amazing the last little while, sex is great, together almost everyday. Last night we laid everything on the table and talked about possibly taking the next step soon since everything is going so well, and we both decided to tell each other about other flings we've had while dating each other. He dropped the bomb that he slept with his ex a couple times when we started hanging out, because he wasn't sure if she was the one that got away. He was honest and I believe him when he said that it was over and he wanted to be truthful with me that it just didn't work and he is more interested in me. I also was dating and hooking up casually, so I suppose I cant be a hypocrit. Can a relationship work ? I feel jealous and at times think about it and get mad.. am I being silly?

So you were not exclusive to each other and he spent time with his ex girlfriend, big deal. Move on already, it really isn't your business anyway, it was more than likely a last ditch effort to retain the relationship that had so much time invested in it. If you continue to think about it and get mad that is YOUR OWN FAULT and he did nothing wrong. If I were him a I knew this fact about you I would run as fast as I can away from you in the other direction. After only 2 months you are still riding the high tide of a new relationship and new sex and you think it is time to move forward? You don't even really know each other outside of the bedroom the way it appears in your words. Slow down already, take some time and get over your pseudo jealousy or move on and find a man you know more than nothing about so you have no pseudo reason to be jealous.
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