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Old 04-17-2013, 04:05 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,080,515 times
Reputation: 11796

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I've been following your story from the beginning, but I have to admit I don't know about the direction things are headed here. Are you really happy with this arrangement? Being cool is definitely the way to go for the first couple months, but now it's been 4 months and you still have no idea if he's your boyfriend and are going days without hearing from him? At this point with how much time has passed I would need to know where I stand and I'd want someone who wanted to talk to me everyday.
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Old 04-17-2013, 04:13 PM
 
Location: Middle America
37,409 posts, read 53,354,105 times
Reputation: 53066
I would personally not spend four months exclusively seeing somebody if I felt unsure about how interested they were in me, and felt like I should feel sheepish about wanting to speak to them/hear from them once daily/multiple times a week. Just me, but that's quite a stretch to be with somebody where you're not sure they're totally into you. If a guy "doesn't know" four months in, a guy's not all that interested.
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:19 PM
 
25 posts, read 49,266 times
Reputation: 23
Sorry, you are coming on too strong, I think.
Why the rush?
Let things grow. Give somebody the time to miss you.
What's the rush???
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Old 04-17-2013, 09:23 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,218 posts, read 100,421,908 times
Reputation: 40197
Slow it down! What IS the rush??

Things are going great - don't ruin it by over-thinking or being too pushy.
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Old 04-17-2013, 10:41 PM
 
4,078 posts, read 5,393,997 times
Reputation: 4958
Quote:
Originally Posted by oakparkV View Post
Sorry this is such a lengthy post, as usual. (I like details.) Feel free to skim...

So, things are progressing slowly but surely with the guy I’ve been dating (and posting about) for the past few months. We saw each other twice this past week, and I finally made a “communication breakthrough” with him.

We got together last Wednesday after work (like we do almost every week). That night was a rainstorm, so we decided to order in food (from the Indian restaurant where we originally planned to go) and watch Jeopardy re-runs. (It sounds nerdy, but it’s become “our thing” to watch and play against each other.)

We talked about things to do on future dates - he suggested a couple different restaurants, going to play trivia, and checking out a punk show, and I suggested a day at the city conservatory, since I know he loves gardening. Obviously, this was a good sign that he wants to continue seeing me.

So, I went ahead and told him, “I really like what we have and where this is going.” (He responded that he felt the same way.) Then I said, “I know you’re pretty busy, but I’d really like to see more of you, especially on weekends.” Right away, he told me he was free Saturday night, and we made plans for another date.

Saturday, he took me for dinner at a nice restaurant, then we met up with some of his friends. (I’ve met a few of them before, and he introduced me to a couple more.) They already knew a lot about me, and he kept talking about me to them - “She’s super smart... She kicks a-- at trivia... She reads tons of books... She was a political science major in college....”

The entire night, we got along great and had no trouble talking (no more awkward silences, like before). I stayed at his place Saturday night, and in the morning we went out for breakfast/brunch. I asked him about his upcoming work week, and when he said he didn’t think it’d be too busy, I let him know I wanted to see him again during the week. He promised to call (well, text) me again in a couple days.

Basically, I’m happy with the way things are going, and finally feel more secure and comfortable being with him. His friends like me, and I’m spending more time with him and making future plans. So, here’s my next question...

I’m cool with seeing him 2x per week... but in between, it still seems like we don’t communicate much. We “talk” mainly by texting. (Neither of us are big “phone talkers” and really only “call” our families. With friends, we both typically talk via text message. So, this doesn’t bother me about him, or vice versa.) Usually, he’ll text me to make plans, we’ll “chat” about our week a bit, then set a date and time.

At this point, I’d like to be able to just text him to see how he’s doing, without expectations about WHEN we’ll see each other again. I tried yesterday, but our conversation fell flat pretty quickly. (I’d left some stuff - hairbrush and makeup - at his place, and wanted to let him know.) It was Monday, so I figured he was busy at work, and left him alone after a few back-and-forth messages. We don't have trouble talking when we're together, but the contact between dates still feels awkward.

Honestly, I’m worried about coming on too strong. I’m not some needy chick who requires constant contact, but I want to make more of an effort to talk to him regularly. I know this should be a no-brainer, but I’m still nervous and a little unsure how to assert myself to him without coming across as clingy...

Any advice? Guys especially... What do you consider “too much communication” versus a girl seeming disconnected or disinterested? I’ve realized that I need to speak up more to get what I want from this guy, but don’t want to overdo it because the relationship is still pretty new. Thanks in advance!
Sounds like two introverts trying to initiate a relationship but seemingly are confused as to how to establish something further without crossing boundaries.

Also sounds like you unsure as to whether or not he's your bf? You can bring up how you feel like the inconsistencies in between your dates make you feel uncomfortable like the communication is abnormal and something you're not used to. See how he wants to meet you half way. I'd really emphasize how weird I feel about the whole thing (the disconnect in between the dates), but like the rest of the relationship, otherwise.
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Old 04-19-2013, 12:43 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,677,956 times
Reputation: 13170
I think he gets the idea you like him. He likes you. Get off the internet. Call him. What have you got to lose? Tell him you wanted to hear his voice.
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