Vasectomy- should I go or should I stay? (boyfriend, marriage, guys)
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Hello ALL, I have an issue. I have been with my on-off again boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. I'm in my late 20's and he is in his early 30's. When we first met he told me that he had a vasectomy. He has an eleven old daughter and he doesn't want anymore kids. I was fine with this because I figured we can kick it and just be cool with each other. Of course, my feelings changed. Now I LOVE him. I don't have children and right now I don't want any but maybe in the future I will. He feared this will happen and he really didn't want to get too close to me because of this, but feelings is hard to control sometimes. He told me from day one about hisself and he also told me he don't want to deprive me from having children because its a beautiful thing. I'm so confused on what to do. Will I be selling myself short if I stay with him?
Sometimes it can be reversed. It's worth a try. However, if you really care about him, leaving him just because you want to get pregnant doesn't make much sense. Would you leave him if he turned out to have infertile sperm and couldn't father one anyway?
Frankly, if you are in the position of wondering if you should stay with him, then I think that either it's time to leave or get married. If neither of you wants marriage, why do you want children?
Since vasectomies can usually be reversed, the V-job is a bit of a red herring. The REAL issue here, imo, is the fundamental one of your starting to want kids and his presumably staying steadfast in his objection to them. In other words, you see the relationship developing into one where you want kids and he doesn't. The vasectomy is just an added obstacle, but one that can probably be overcome.
I think you need to do some deep thinking about what you want out of life, what the chances are for you to live the life you want with this guy and without him... and, of course, you need to have a heart-to-heart with him if it sounds like the relationship is getting serious. Sounds like that's probably where you're at right now, correct?
Ultimately you are going to have to answer the question from within yourself. Hopefully, by posting on a forum such as this one, maybe someone will be able to come forward who was in a similar situation at one time. But until one has really walked a mile in those shoes of yours, I really think it would be tough to have much to say that's worth much.
You are way too young to stay with someone that old that KNOWS what he wants. He's not going to change and you shouldn't marry him only to give up the chance to have children if it's what you want. It really is a miracle if it's something you want.
I just wanted to see what has come of your situation? I myself have found myself in a similar situation. I am very happy and in love with my boyfriend of two years,,, I am 28 and he is 33. He also already has two children. We have been talking about marriage and he all of a sudden tells me that he is wanting to have a vasectomy he is already fulfilled in the department of children. I want one child so badly. I can't imagine going thru life with out one and never having any grand children.. I hope things are going well for you. Thanks!
Hello Kayla2007, we broke up for 3 months but we are back together. During the break up i met a few guys and we went out. I was hoping that they will help take my mind off my ex, but that didn't happen. To be honest I am still confused on what to do. Since your boyfriend hasn't gotten the procedure done. Sit down and have that serious talk with him. Maybe he will hold off from the procedure.
Perhaps wanting someone who puts up such a major roadblock in what you want in life is a convenient and safe way to love? Maybe, just maybe you are holding onto wanting this particular person because you are allowed to keep your distance due to such a major issue? If he turned around and suddenly wanted kids and successfully reversed his V-job (by the way, they are NOT as easily reversed as many beleived) would you still love him so desperately? Just something to think about...
I just came across this thread and while it is 5 1/2 years later I am hoping the original poster may see it and let me know her outcome. I am completely torn in the same exact position. I am 34 and my boyfriend is 40. I made it known to him from day one that I want kids and he told me that he was willing to have it reversed. However, as of late (the past couple of months) he has changed his mind. He did go to the doctor as a courtesy to me to find out his options, but they told him he only has a 25% chance of success, which has essentially closed the door for him. Everything else in our relationship is wonderful. I have been in good and bad relationships in the past and this is the happiest I have ever been in my life. I am just at a complete loss as to what to do. I have tried to imagine my life without kids, but I just can't.
My point is, if you really want children, there are other ways.
If he isn't open to any more, then I dunno.
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