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Don't marginalize the concern underlying the OP's raising the concern. And raising the concern is more than enough to know that the match isn't a good one.
jesus christ you would be an awful spouse. I would feel sorry for your husband, but he got himself into this mess.
And why is that? FYI I did finally agree but ONLY on special ocassions. I never in my life think I would do it but I love him. And what is the mess really? I think my husband is a mess. He does not know what he likes. It's Pissing me off.
First, if we were married there would be no "letting" me play golf. I would consider your schedule before setting up a round but then I would be letting you know when and where I'm playing, not be asking permission.
Were the "friends" he found online females? Would you be comfortable with him going out with a woman? Find a female friend to play tennis with. Post what you want in your ad. Post a flyer at the tennis center. Talk to people where you live or work. Jeez, are you folks so recluse that you have to find "friends" online?
As for the BJ, you sound like a prude. It has nothing to do with being a hooker.
And what is the mess really? I think my husband is a mess. He does not know what he likes. It's Pissing me off.
You're right, he's a mess and you just got suckered into marriage through no fault of your own. Is the reason you don't work because you have children at home to take care of? I guess between the golfing and the tennis finances aren't an issue. Just trying to get a better "feel" for this relationship ...
Is there a reason such as disability that he is the only one working? It sounds like you have power/control issues on both sides, and you are in a position of real dependency if he is the only one with an income and a place to live. Also it sounds like finances are tight if he is running out of money mid-week, which would lead to more stress on your marriage.
I would recommend that you look for work, if you are able to work. Having some income and independence would help even up the power imbalance. I think from your other posts that you are the poster that was married after just knowing him for a few weeks? If this is the case then you would really benefit from some joint and individual counseling to learn how to communicate and resolve differences in a positive way.
Is there a reason such as disability that he is the only one working? It sounds like you have power/control issues on both sides, and you are in a position of real dependency if he is the only one with an income and a place to live. Also it sounds like finances are tight if he is running out of money mid-week, which would lead to more stress on your marriage.
I would recommend that you look for work, if you are able to work. Having some income and independence would help even up the power imbalance. I think from your other posts that you are the poster that was married after just knowing him for a few weeks? If this is the case then you would really benefit from some joint and individual counseling to learn how to communicate and resolve differences in a positive way.
There is a reason but would rather not talk about it. It is only temporary. I told him once I get a job, which I will. He can do ANYTHING he wants! Because I will be preoccupied with work. But I ask of him that while I am not working, I want him with me 24/7. His thing is... he is ok with it, until he runs out of funds or his friends call him to do stuff with him and he says no to them and then be grumpy with me after. When he decided it on his own not to go out with them.
I guess I am just being worried because like I said we almost divorced. I now realize why. He is sort of blaming me for 'ruining' his single life where he can do anything he wants. The thing is - I didn't force him to marry me. I told him it is all up to you. I am just worried that he will just blurt out 1 day that the marriage is over AGAIN. Like he did the last time.
He can be selfish sometimes. But I really love the way he loves me. It is everything I wanted. It's when he is grumpy and him having a 'history' of just giving up on me and the marriage that makes me sleepless with worry.
Not to play devi's advocate, but do you know how many people said they would never cheat and they did? Emotion is the top thing that fuels an affair. A guy is having a rough patch in his 10 year marriage and confides in a co-worker. She too is having a rough patch in her 5 year marriage. What was once a relationship that started with hellos and goodbyes, has the potential to turn into going out to lunch or texting/emailing back and forth.
Not everyone cheats, but it's very easy to create a situation that isn't favorable to your partner or spouse. Your husband only has an issue with you playing tennis with an opposite sex, because you two are already having marital problems as is. He would be more comfortable with a same sex partner, and with you two having problems, I don't blame him.
You two need to communicate and reassure each other that you love each other and are on the same path for the common good. When two people aren't on the same path emotionally, it's very easy to drum up crazy ideas in your head.
I told him once I get a job, which I will. He can do ANYTHING he wants! Because I will be preoccupied with work. But I ask of him that while I am not working, I want him with me 24/7.
Don't you see the fatal flaw in this train of thought?
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