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I got wrapped up into a relationship with a mentally ill lover.
Over time I found out he was intially diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder but was later re-diagnosed as bipolar, and is on meds for this. He is also on some sort of psychiatric disability and medicare, but also has a trust fund from his late parents that supports him.
At first I was willing to deal with this, but then notice that he talks to himself (or maybe to voices?) and has these delusions that this old neighbor lady has the key to his apartment and hides his meds. He also has a tendancy to tremble (made me think there was some sort of nervous disorder, but it wasnt). A few weeks ago he left me an irate a message accusing me of gossipping behind his back to some mutual aquaintenances about our sex life...I figured he was jumping to conclusions, called him about it, and that turned out to be the case. He was not so irate when we talked.
Im also coming around to seeing there is "no there there"...he is somewhat...hollow. Can't say if its the meds, his illness, or his personality. He does say he is getting to know me and falling deeper in love with me, but somehow there doesnt seem much there. Empty. Seems to be just a lack of interest in things.
So, I am thinking about cooling this relationship down, backing off and perhaps ending it, and am looking for advice on how to gently dump someone. My intial inclination is to be pretty brutal and just cut it off...and this was done to me about a year ago by a former lover, who dumped me via phone. I didn't like it, but did come to appreciate the efficiency (and agreed in retrospect the relationship wasn't going anywhere),
In this case, considering the mental health issue, I think I need to do this in a more gentle manner so as not to cause him to do harm to himself.
I got wrapped up into a relationship with a mentally ill lover.
Over time I found out he was intially diagnosed with Schizoaffective disorder but was later re-diagnosed as bipolar, and is on meds for this. He is also on some sort of psychiatric disability and medicare, but also has a trust fund from his late parents that supports him.
At first I was willing to deal with this, but then notice that he talks to himself (or maybe to voices?) and has these delusions that this old neighbor lady has the key to his apartment and hides his meds. He also has a tendancy to tremble (made me think there was some sort of nervous disorder, but it wasnt). A few weeks ago he left me an irate a message accusing me of gossipping behind his back to some mutual aquaintenances about our sex life...I figured he was jumping to conclusions, called him about it, and that turned out to be the case. He was not so irate when we talked.
Im also coming around to seeing there is "no there there"...he is somewhat...hollow. Can't say if its the meds, his illness, or his personality. He does say he is getting to know me and falling deeper in love with me, but somehow there doesnt seem much there. Empty. Seems to be just a lack of interest in things.
So, I am thinking about cooling this relationship down, backing off and perhaps ending it, and am looking for advice on how to gently dump someone. My intial inclination is to be pretty brutal and just cut it off...and this was done to me about a year ago by a former lover, who dumped me via phone. I didn't like it, but did come to appreciate the efficiency (and agreed in retrospect the relationship wasn't going anywhere),
In this case, considering the mental health issue, I think I need to do this in a more gentle manner so as not to cause him to do harm to himself.
Any opinions?
I think it is wise to take a thoughtful approach here, for his sake AND yours.
Back off slowly.
Doing the dump and run would at best set him back and make his life much harder than it already is, and at worst might trigger him into some kind of paranoia that puts your safety at risk.
Over the next several weeks be less and less available. When you do talk mention things that you don't agree with him about - not in an argumentative way, but in a way that says "wow, we don't have as much in common as I first thought". Make this very pointed so he can see for himself you might not be very compatible after all.
Little by little start mentioning how you have been feeling that you have some new interests to pursue and will be too busy to see him as much anymore.
Within a few weeks you should be able to say, I'm sorry, this relationship has just run it's course for me and I need to move on.
The problem as I see it, is the aftermath from the break up. You have no idea what he might do and could possibly become a victim of stalking or worse. My first attempt would be to create a way to make the break up his idea. That way there would be less chance for him to pursue you later. If you can't think of a way to do this, I'd just end it and cut contact, being aware of what he might do and be prepared to react.
Loves Mountains said it just right. (I knew she would.)
However you end it, you should end it. I've known people with bipolar disorder, and living with them would not have been fun. I suspect the meds are making him "hollow", but when they stop the meds they become impossible.
Whew! An old acquaintance of mine suffered from bipolar disorder. I didn't know that about him, and when I ran into him one day he mentioned he needed help at his business. My wife was looking for a job at the time so I suggested he talk to her. She did go to work for him, then found out that not only was he bipolar, the manager of his business was too! LOL The only good thing about that job was that my wife came home with some pretty interesting stories!
Shows you what sex with out careful consideration might bring you. As a man I have experienced "crazy ladies" when I was younger....BIG problems...now being an older guy when I run into a crazy old lady...I lock the door - from the inside of course...You might be suffering a case of wishful thinking when you imagine that a relationship with a person who is off he wall might work. You know from first sight that there is something amiss..trust your instincts. Having run into a few wack jobs recently...you don't need someone knocking at your door at 2 in the morning...If you sense they are alcoholic- drug dependent or just plain nuts - do not get involved no matter how lonely or how horny.
I think it is wise to take a thoughtful approach here, for his sake AND yours.
Back off slowly.
Doing the dump and run would at best set him back and make his life much harder than it already is, and at worst might trigger him into some kind of paranoia that puts your safety at risk.
Over the next several weeks be less and less available. When you do talk mention things that you don't agree with him about - not in an argumentative way, but in a way that says "wow, we don't have as much in common as I first thought". Make this very pointed so he can see for himself you might not be very compatible after all.
Little by little start mentioning how you have been feeling that you have some new interests to pursue and will be too busy to see him as much anymore.
Within a few weeks you should be able to say, I'm sorry, this relationship has just run it's course for me and I need to move on.
Best of luck.
Oh...I see!!! Kinda like getting rid of a bad employee. Don't fire them...just cut their hours each week till they want to quit!!! Gotcha!!!
Oh...I see!!! Kinda like getting rid of a bad employee. Don't fire them...just cut their hours each week till they want to quit!!! Gotcha!!!
Funny
No, I just think in a situation like this - which the OP got herself into willingly - it would be prudent to exit cautiously.
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