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I did. Well, actually I tried. There was this girl at highschool, we were 16 or something. I am talking mid 90s. She was my platonic crush, bunette, sweet, so cute...
I didn´t ever say a word to her because I didn´t dare, but there was a lot of sexual tension with stares and stuff and I think she was waiting for me to make the first move. I was a bit ankward as a teen, not really a ladies man.
Anyway, a few months ago I thought "wtf" and looked her up on FB, and sent her a casual message, like "just wanted to say hello"....and at the end of the message I wrote: "PS, I know it will sound crazy to say this after 20 years...but I always loved you during highschool, I just didn´t dare to approach you. Just take it as an anecdote..."
No answer.
In fact I feel better she didn´t answer, I guess any real meeting would only lead to dissapointment for the both of us.
Didn't occur to you to start with "hey there, just curious if you remember me" or something along those lines if you were expecting a serious response?
I mean seriously - somebody from a long time ago contacted you out of the blue with that and you'd be like WTF is this?
Last edited by UrbanAdventurer; 04-23-2013 at 12:37 PM..
Didn't occur to you to start with "hey there, just curious if you remember me" or something along those lines if you were expecting a serious response?
I mean seriously - somebody from a long time ago contacted you out of the blue with that and you'd be like WTF is this?
Obviously, it's not like I am gonna post here the whole message, don´t you think?
I wrote the casual message somebody would write to any old aquaintance, polite, friendly, tactful, and totally aware she might not even remember me, so I refreshed certain moments and names, I even said I was just looking up old classroom mates to see what they have been up to. (which was a total lie, because I don´t give a hoot about them)
And just dropped the bomb at the end, in a "lets see what happens" kinda mood.
And my instinct tells me she was close to answer, but got cold feet at the last second. She's got no picture on her Facebook avatar, and her wall was private, so I couldn´t tell if she's married or something.
Obviously, it's not like I am gonna post here the whole message, don´t you think?
I wrote the casual message somebody would write to any old aquaintance, polite, friendly, tactful, and totally aware she might not even remember me, so I refreshed certain moments and names, I even said I was just looking up old classroom mates to see what they have been up to. (which was a total lie, because I don´t give a hoot about them)
And just dropped the bomb at the end, in a "lets see what happens" kinda mood.
And my instinct tells me she was close to answer, but got cold feet at the last second. She's got no picture on her Facebook avatar, and her wall was private, so I couldn´t tell if she's married or something.
Well be it as it may, I still say never ever say stuff like that to women (that you aren't already involved with I mean.)
Hard to say with those mysterious girls. She may not have been single and decided no response was the easiest way to deal with that. You just have to content yourself with the fact that she probably would be into you if she were single and stumbled across you in real life. Then you'd be a real person again that she could see and touch and hear, not just words and a distant memory.. But sometimes you'll never get the opportunity to be anything more than words on a computer screen. (Which, incidentally, is why online dating is mostly a waste of time for most guys IMO.)
there's also the possibility that she's just not the girl you thought she was, which would kind of be a letdown too in its own way, similar to what the OP went through.
Eh, I don't reach out to exes, per se, but following the breakup of a longterm relationship, I was contacted by a rash of exes, wanting to "get back in touch."
ALL of them were in supposed "unhappy marriages," and I'm sure were just going down the list of women they used to date. I felt so badly for their spouses, with these guys trolling the internet looking to catch up with old flames. Although, for all I know, their spouses were doing the same or worse.
It was sweet of you to care enough about somebody from the past to get back in touch with them, but Honestly I really don't see what the lesson is here about Facebook. It's not Facebook's fault this guy has had a rough life and you're bummed out about it. You're saying you'd have rather not known the truth about him? I know, Sometimes you get an itch with somebody and can't help but scratch it. You just can't be too afraid of what you find, good or bad.
Clearheaded, balanced response, for which I repped you.
FB makes it easier to find things out about other people, but one could say that of the internet in general-if googling turns up results on the person.
Heck, in times past, the "well-connected socially" (not in a snobby/class way, but within/throughout groups, there are individuals who keep in touch with a broad range of folks)
would convey such sentiments between people instead-subject to the discretion or interpretation (for good or ill) of the intervening persons, but people would still find out stuff about "whatever happened to...?".
So, FB isn't to blame (humans invented it) for our natural human impulses & the artificially-enhanced ability to indulge such urges. Not that I'm enthralled with FB, I'm just sayin'...
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610
Anything posted on Facebook is a mistake at some point.
Now that's an interesting zen koan to contemplate for a while.
One could say any action taken or word spoken IRL "is a mistake at some point".
What looks like a bad idea in the present can become something in the future that seems a good idea, after all-and vice versa.
Am not picking on this comment, I'm just trying to analyze/assess it as a logic proof.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Javier77
Sometimes I look back at my teenage years and looks like the life of a different person, I can´t believe some of the stuff I used to think or do.
I think of myself as having been a bunch of different people at various stages/phases throughout my life, based on my role identity (no, not in some multiple personality or kinky way) in the eyes of others in my life.
Y'know, "normal" growth & development, "maturing" I suppose.
I used to be this sort of kid (so-and-so's offspring), then I was that sort of teenager, then I was an art student at college, then I was a college drop-out, then I was somebody's wife, then I was a divorcee, and so on.
It's a mental trip to reflect on all this after a few decades of existence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Royalite
I'd think it was flattering for someone from my past to contact me. It means I made a profound impact on their life.
If they were stalkers though when I knew them....well, that's another story.
Underlined the part that I agree with most, and it leads me to my experience: not quite what OP described, but here it is-
I was a less-than-stellar friend to my college (longest rel. up to that point) bf.
I felt bad about that in the years since, but had no way to contact him.
When I joined FB a few yrs. back, I looked for him so I could send a (one-time) msg.
I apologized & that was all, didn't expect response nor did I get one.
I cared about clearing my conscience, I said sorry, he didn't contact me back, end of story.
Other instance of this concept is that I had a great weekend with a guy who didn't go to my school, he was visiting his friend who went to our college.
He wrote me a few nice, complimentary letters (not in an excessive, stalker-ish or unwanted way) in the months after that-and I was still emotionally touched at how sweet that was of him.
So I found him on FB (well, not positive it was him, but I think it's likely).
All I said was thanks for being a good, kind friend-I really appreciated that.
He didn't reply, but again, I didn't anticipate that he would.
Did what I felt was right, and then let these two people alone, I don't want to pay attention to someone who doesn't want my attentions.
Haven't had sustained contact with anyone on FB (all are people I used to know to a degree, I haven't met anyone new solely via site).
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