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I don't think dating a single mom is hard per se, it's just the condition the single mom is in to date. Some are barely divorced and have processed none of their feelings of the divorce, yet they are forcing the aspect of dating.
To be a single mom dating, I would imagine you would need a very reliable babysitter. By reliable, I mean the father or mother of the child, a parent, grandparent, friend, or very reliable babysitter you can call on on a moments notice from time to time. When dating, whether your dating a single parent or someone with no kids, there's going to be times where you have to make a decision at a moments notice. I've scored free tickets to concerts where I had an hour to make a decision. That's what makes dating so special, it's not so calculated like working a 9-5 and tending to your home.
You have someone else that is bringing ideas to the table that are interesting and likely outside of what you're used too. I've tried dating single mom's before, and I'm definitely not against it, but it was so hard to get a date scheduled. It wasn't because there was no interest, but because there was a lack of support when helping with her kid(s). All the pressure was on her, so she felt even more guilty because she couldn't make herself available. At the same time, her kids were feeling the divorce to, so she felt even more obligated to spend more time with the kids. In the long run, there was no time leftover for me. We talk very seldomly now, because I would have had to sit on pins and needles until her schedule opened up, and I'm not ok with that when there was other women available.
To me, dating a single parent is not always as hard as people believe. As a single parent, you have to be able to accept help, and also be willing to leave your kid(s) with a babysitter as well. As a parent, you deserve happiness too.
Interestingly enough, this is exactly what it feels like to date a workaholic or a really "busy" person.
Interestingly enough, this is exactly what it feels like to date a workaholic or a really "busy" person.
I agree. No one is too busy to date if they want to date that person. Instead of just telling someone flat out that you're not interested in them romantically, they beat around the bush till you get the idea. This is likely due to so many options more readily available and the technology age that we live in. You can send a tweet that it's over and have people respond to the tweet, before the person the tweet is intended for even knows what happened. It's ludacris.
I agree. No one is too busy to date if they want to date that person. Instead of just telling someone flat out that you're not interested in them romantically, they beat around the bush till you get the idea. This is likely due to so many options more readily available and the technology age that we live in. You can send a tweet that it's over and have people respond to the tweet, before the person the tweet is intended for even knows what happened. It's ludacris.
Well, some people really ARE workaholics, or rather, they work a lot not necessarily by choice. Ironically, these people are the ones who tend want relationships, especially marriage, the most, and they get married quickly.
I read about a case where the boyfriend was made by the court to pay child support because he had been living with his girlfriend and had been treating her child by another man like his own. After they broke up she got child support on the ground that he was the de facto father and the child's life style needed to be maintained.
Hurricane, there you go. The BEST reason not to date her.
Today I talked to a beautiful young lady who turned out to be a single mother. This fact was revealed as something rather a matter-of-factly. She seems to be my type, and I did tell her that we should get to know each other.
My gut instinct is telling me to be very cautious, but I know a number of single mothers on C-D say that they would make great partners.
...so, besides the potential financial expense that one will have to be ready to take on...
...what are the merits and pitfalls of dating single mothers?
Being cuckold by default is the #1 pitfall. Dude. If you have any type of game / options, move on. Do you really want to fall in love and raise some other guys kid? Basically, the love of your life has a child with another man, and you CHOOSE to raise it. Unless you're just looking for some fun, pass on this chick.
Today I talked to a beautiful young lady who turned out to be a single mother. This fact was revealed as something rather a matter-of-factly. She seems to be my type, and I did tell her that we should get to know each other.
My gut instinct is telling me to be very cautious, but I know a number of single mothers on C-D say that they would make great partners.
...so, besides the potential financial expense that one will have to be ready to take on...
...what are the merits and pitfalls of dating single mothers?
Do a background check. Find out her financial condition. If she is having problems, run. It's not your fault and to some extent, probably not hers but it IS reality. Her problems can quickly become yours if you are not careful. The same goes for women if the reverse is true.
You have something to risk here financially. It's prudent to do a discrete background check. There may be some very, very good reasons why she is now single? Chances are, you will never get to hear HIS side of the story so.....Anyway, don't judge her if it comes back negative. Just see if she opens up to it. If not, depart quietly and nicely. No sense in being abrupt. She may have enough problems already.
If, on the other hand, there are no red flags and she doesn't need to take endless calls in the other room or belongs to dating sites, have at it.
Walk quietly and carry a quick exit.....juuuuuuuuuuuuuuust in case.....
You know, I don't quite understand the criticisms against people who don't want to date those with children.
It's an intelligent decision, largely from the standpoint of that single parent who wants to be with someone who is accepting of their kids and would treat them well. There is nothing worse than an adult being involved in a child's life who is resentful of that child. Trust me, that seeps through with body language you're not aware you're exhibiting, an eyeroll, a clenched jaw, not to mention words, tone, murmured disagreements at night when you think the child is asleep.
Kids know who likes them and who doesn't, and if you don't want or like kids, you shouldn't be with someone who has them, period.
Not everyone avoids parents because of the kids. I enjoy kids but will not date a man who has kids and a living ex. I don't want to pay for his kids or come last in his world. I don't want the drama either.
I was the single mother of two at one point. Dad was involved and he and I supported our kids, no one else had to. I could have no more children when I met a man 8 years my junior. He had never been married and had no kids of his own. I was up front and honest with him from early on...he could be replaced, my children could not. Period. We dated when EX had the kids. Other than that, he'd come to my place for dinner or tv with all of us. 19 years later we are still married and the three of us, EX included, raised our kids together. Now that they are grown, we are all still friends.
I realize our situation is different, but, then again, EVERY single parent situation is different. OP, if you have questions now about being with someone who has a child, step back now before you get things started with this woman. She may be the woman of your dreams and you may fall in love with her and her child, but, you may not. If you came to this forum for advice, I suspect you are not ready or able to give this woman and her child the love they deserve and that is a disservice to all of you.
Graduating form college? So you are in your early twenties. If I were your age, I'd focus on women without kids. You are at an age where you should be able to meet plenty of them.
If you were 35 or 40, I'd give you different advice, because it would be much harder to meet women who had no children.
This time of your life should be carefree.
Ultimately though it is up to you.
I agree, but I cant say carefree, mistakes do happen. But one should be able to enjoy his or her life without worries. Me personally if one has no kid and trying to make his way in the world he should not be looking for a woman with similar goals. In some parts of the this country women under 25 do have kids, go to parts of the south of urban environments of the northeast like NYC or Detroit but then again those women tend not to be educated.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Be prepared to pretty much expect to have to take a backseat to the child. I don't mean this to be crappy, but it is pretty much is the truth. The way it should be, actually.
Also know that most spontaneity will be gone. That last minute min vaca to Vegas might not happen if she can't line up a baby sitter... or if she even feels comfortable leaving the child alone for more than a day or two.
Having to deal with the father, sometimes that's fine, other times the dad can be a ********.
I think one of the biggest things about having children is that your needs no long matter as much.... hence one of the reason I didn't have kids... I didn't want to have to deal with the responsibility of someone else.... this isn't as applicable when you're just "dating" a woman... and to be honest, the woman shouldn't be bringing you around to meet the child unless you've been together a bit and things look like you're gonna be around.......
Best of luck to you.... cause you don't have much choice, once a woman is older than 24 or so they usually have kids... .... when I was single I couldn't meet a woman past 24 that didn't have kids already... it was bizarre when I met Mrs. Chow... she was 28, had a job no kids.... it was like finding a needle in a haystack.........
So true, finding a woman without kids is hard even as you get older. Me personally I prefer women with no kids especially since I have no kids of my own. The only women past 25 with no kids are either transient, yuppie/hipster type women who hop from one city to the next and or have high standards when it comes to dating. I met one woman who has no kid that Im currently dating her, however I have not made it into a relationship yet, I'm not physically attracted to her and I don't want to hurt her feelings. It is like finding a needle in a haystack, I also note that single moms tend to be way more picky than women with no kids to some extent!
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