Ran into my crush...

[Lilac110]

Originally Posted by DivineComedy

It's one of those areas in life where you have chosen to believe that gender changes everything.

I was unaware, and don't believe, that having ovaries makes a person any less capable.

If she wanted him, she'd have made the effort by now.
Except.
She wants him
And hasn't made the effort.

Oh, please. Capability has nothing to do with this. Every human is capable of forming the words "would you like to have coffee" with their mouths. But the fact remains that by and large, when a man is interested in someone, he pursues her, and isn't going to let a month go by without talking to her, for the simple fact that men tend to be more competitive and goal-oriented this way and will not want some other guy jumping in and ruining their chances. You can talk about what women "can" and "should" do. Yay, whee, whoopee. I'm a feminist, too. But I'm also aware of the differences between men and women when it comes to dating and relationships, and the fact is that men are by far the more aggressive gender.

But even if there was this great big shift in how women approach dating, and women in general were just as aggressive as men, by your own standards, it can also be argued that she really does NOT want him as much as she thinks, because she hasn't made any real moves, herself, other than to hang around and hope he notices. So maybe she "wants" him, but that's just the hots.

Originally Posted by katykat01

I'm not exactly sure why you're suddenly attacking me, but I actually do know something about him outside of work. How do you think I figured out he was going to be at a particular event yesterday? I didn't just guess he would be there. That said, how much do any of us know about people we're interested in until we actually date and get to know them? That's the point of dating.

That said, I'm inclined to believe that men go after what they want (that's been my experience) and it's why I'm hesitant to ask him out. If we were the same age and had similar roles at work, I wouldn't feel so awkward about asking him out. This situation makes it rather complicated for me. I'm at the point where I want to move on from this crush, though.

I'm not attacking you. I'm just giving you a dose of reality. You barely know the guy and you're saying things like "I want this to work." There is no "this" there. There's you following a co-worker around hoping he'll notice you.

Think of what this might look like to someone on the outside looking in. It's not like you two regularly go to happy hour together and there is an established rapport. There is "eye-locking," a few smiles, and a few short, simple, polite exchanges. Just like a high school dance.

You said yourself you're new at your job and don't want to make waves. You also said there are gossips and you don't want them to know if you ever do date this guy. Never mind the inappropriateness and risk of potentially pooping where you eat, all of this is putting the cart before the horse. How about you find out for sure if he even has a girlfriend?

So much wasted energy. But hey, by all means, continue to follow him around, hoping he'll pay attention to you. We'll all be here in three months when you come back to tell us how crushed you are that he brought a date to the company picnic.