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Thanks. I want suggestions like this. appreciate that. I'm sick of everyone telling me to break up with him since day one we started dating.
Okay, well...
If you're going to stay with him, then at least know that you're going to have to deal with him at his developmental level. Right now, because I think most of us here see just how different you two are developmentally, you're just going to have to work with him. Hopefully at some point he'll catch up (I was told they do). But if he eventually becomes growth-oriented, it could happen. But you can't place all that expectation on an unemployed 20y/o male who's still heeding the childish advice of his inexperienced friends.
Like I said in my thread. I want him to start it first, I'm a woman and I want to feel like he is a provider. No matter how much everyone say it's wrong to expect that. It is nature that a woman wants to be protected, provided. You can't say that I'm wrong for feeling this way. It has nothing to do with how much I earn. How successful I am in my career. It has nothing to do with how much money he spend on me too. .
A provider with what? Are you comfortable being provided for by his mom or dad's money that they worked 9-5 hard to earn? I'm on the side that doesn't think it's wrong for a woman to desire being pampered here and there. You are mistaken if you think I'm telling you you're wrong for wanting to be taken care of when you get home from a long day at work. You're being very reasonable and trying to give him a chance to pay within his means by ordering affordable items off the menu.
However, isn't the attraction to being provided for found within a man's ability to work hard, earn money, and then use some of that money to help you feel secure? You're kidding yourself if you think your boyfriend will be able to make this happen anytime soon. Maybe in another 3-4 years if he suddenly becomes ambitious. But right now, you're just asking him to provide you with things bought by his parent's money. That was handed to him without doing any hard work, it sounds like. Is that idea desirable to you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by genger
It's that if he's doing his best to make me happy. see my needs and such.
Is he doing his best or showing you he wants to try to do his best? Doesn't sound like it if he's not sending out resumes and looking for employment.
The fact is that in the US today, it's more difficult to get jobs. There's a trend more toward high-earning women to be with low-earning men, because that's how the economic dice are shaking out. So more women are taking a provider role. The old expectations are going out the window. Unless your bf is studying engineering, he's probably not going to be in a position to provide much of anything for you for years.
What is best though, is women with this kind of attitude get dumped instantly by any guys with a set of self esteem. Which is probably why she's dating a 20 year old.
The best thing for this kid, is he is learning at a young age who to run from.
If you're going to stay with him, then at least know that you're going to have to deal with him at his developmental level. Right now, because I think most of us here see just how different you two are developmentally, you're just going to have to work with him. Hopefully at some point he'll catch up (I was told they do). But if he eventually becomes growth-oriented, it could happen. But you can't place all that expectation on an unemployed 20y/o male who's still heeding the childish advice of his inexperienced friends.
How should I do that? Please tell me. He's a good guy beside him not spending money on me. He keeps his promises. When I tell him I don't like something, he will try and change it. I heard communication is the key. I used to be passive aggressive in my previous relationships. I heard communication is the key and I want this relationship to work out, so I confronted him once about how I feel like I'm not worth it when he goes out and spend hundreds of dollars on clothing and hesitate to pay for dinner. I do admit, we do eat out a lot since I don't know how to cook. Should I try cooking at home?
A provider with what? Are you comfortable being provided for by his mom or dad's money that they worked 9-5 hard to earn? I'm on the side that doesn't think it's wrong for a woman to desire being pampered here and there. You are mistaken if you think I'm telling you you're wrong for wanting to be taken care of when you get home from a long day at work. You're being very reasonable and trying to give him a chance to pay within his means by ordering affordable items off the menu.
However, isn't the attraction to being provided for found within a man's ability to work hard, earn money, and then use some of that money to help you feel secure? You're kidding yourself if you think your boyfriend will be able to make this happen anytime soon. Maybe in another 3-4 years if he suddenly becomes ambitious. But right now, you're just asking him to provide you with things bought by his parent's money. That was handed to him without doing any hard work, it sounds like. Is that idea desirable to you?
Is he doing his best or showing you he wants to try to do his best? Doesn't sound like it if he's not sending out resumes and looking for employment.
I'm not expecting him to buy me a car, a house. Provider as in, him paying for dinner when we go out and such. Something not more than $20, $30. No I don't want him to buy me anything with his parents money. When I mentioned about a job, he said he wants to graduate from high school which will be in 3 months. Then he said he will work. Am I not being patient here? I don't know. I told him to go to school every day because the reason he hasn't graduate from high school is his attendance. He's been trying to do that these days though.
I'm not expecting him to buy me a car, a house. Provider as in, him paying for dinner when we go out and such. Something not more than $20, $30. No I don't want him to buy me anything with his parents money. When I mentioned about a job, he said he wants to graduate from high school which will be in 3 months. Then he said he will work. Am I not being patient here? I don't know. I told him to go to school every day because the reason he hasn't graduate from high school is his attendance. He's been trying to do that these days though.
DAMN you're robbing the cradle.
Still in HS and expecting him to be a damn provider, WTF.
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Okay, well...
Doesn't sound like it if he's not sending out resumes and looking for employment.
