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View Poll Results: For those divorced: Was your marriage worth it?
Yes, I grew in a healthy way 17 44.74%
Indifferent, I'm just glad my bank is not depleting anymore 4 10.53%
No, I had a very unpleasant experience 12 31.58%
Absolutely not, what kind of question is that? 5 13.16%
Voters: 38. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 05-03-2013, 08:23 AM
 
Location: SW FL
895 posts, read 1,696,027 times
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I thought about conducting this poll after hearing the phrase: "to have loved and lost is better to not have been loved at all." I figured this would be a good way to measure the validity to that statement. So, for those divorced, do you believe that your past marriage(s) have helped you grow emotionally, intellectually, etc? Or do you believe that the marriage was overall undesirable and created more harm than good? In order to broaden the poll audience, you may also vote if you have extensive knowledge on a friends situation. Also note that I am talking about your specific stance on the situation, not taking children into account. So if you felt cognitively obliterated by the marriage, vote accordingly, regardless if the marriage yielded children.

Last edited by Rcsligar; 05-03-2013 at 08:31 AM..
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:29 AM
 
Location: Washington, DC
4,321 posts, read 5,104,721 times
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I can't answer but this is going to have skewed results because of offspring. A person could have had a horrible, self-esteem shattering marriage but if it yielded them children, very few will say it wasn't worth it (even if they are still miserable today).
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:32 AM
 
Location: SW FL
895 posts, read 1,696,027 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Back to NE View Post
I can't answer but this is going to have skewed results because of offspring. A person could have had a horrible, self-esteem shattering marriage but if it yielded them children, very few will say it wasn't worth it (even if they are still miserable today).
I just made an edit, thanks.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:33 AM
 
1,341 posts, read 1,618,477 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rcsligar View Post
I thought about conducting this poll after hearing the phrase: "to have loved and lost is better to not have been loved at all." I figured this would be a good way to measure the validity to that statement. So, for those divorced, do you believe that your past marriage(s) have helped you grow emotionally, intellectually, etc. Or do you believe that the marriage was overall undesirable and created more harm than good? In order to broaden the poll audience, you may also vote if you have extensive knowledge on a friends situation.
Seeking to remarry or remarrying should be a better answer about what people think about marriage as an institution, if you wanted to know that type of answer.

If you thought about whether people's marriage was worth it as their individual case, I think that's a hard thing for many to answer. I.e. some folks will say their marriage created their biggest joy, citing the kids that were born in that marriage, while still noting that they had constant fights with their spouse. Some will say it outright that "it was good while it lasted", because they intended to stay married while cheating their spouse with someone on the side. Some will say that it sucked by mere notion that their happiness was all a lie and they ended it when they realized it. Some will say that it sucked because they thought it was great but it slowly degraded within x number of months of within a few years, to the point where they thought that it was a mistake that they even married, so they parted their ways, and they could've done it easier and with no divorce ever occuring had they only avoided being married. Evaluating their personal marriage is thus prone to various interpretations of what was desirable or undesirable about their own marriage.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:34 AM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,577,981 times
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I suppose that alot of it depends on which side of the wealth redistribution you end up, after the divorce. Its hard to imagine a guy who lost it all, including his house, retirement, family due to a cheating wife , feeling like they have gained so much emotionaly. Marriage n this political and judicial environment is for suckers
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:52 AM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,426,939 times
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Overall? It accomplished the usual social goals of providing a stable and nurturing environment for our child, who became a healthy, successful adult.

Personally, I grew and changed. That's often a consequence of difficult and unhappy times, and my first marriage was not happy or satisfying. Despite the many negatives, I learned from it, and have been able to apply those lessons to new relationships successfully. If I had the chance to undo that marriage, I wouldn't hesitate, though. A more positive and better matched spouse would probably have made for even greater growth as well as happiness.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:59 AM
 
4,217 posts, read 7,275,346 times
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I don't understand the concept of marriage. You can go through the same "learning experiences" in a relationship and not have to deal with all of the negative aspects of a divorce once it comes to an end.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:00 AM
 
Location: Baltimore, MD
11,316 posts, read 9,198,810 times
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A very big NO!

Even though they were not all bad I'd like to have my 8 years back.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:12 AM
 
373 posts, read 641,640 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rcsligar View Post
So, for those divorced, do you believe that your past marriage(s) have helped you grow emotionally, intellectually, etc? Or do you believe that the marriage was overall undesirable and created more harm than good? .
No. Not at all. My former marriage left me hurt, scared of marriage and commitment and damaged for lack of a better word. My current relationship is making me jealous, untrusting and crazy. However it did confirm my beliefs that inlaws suck.
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:12 AM
 
Location: NoVa
18,432 posts, read 34,215,793 times
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Absolutely. I went through a lot during my marriage. It was more bad than it was good. I am one that is of the firm belief that everything happens for a reason. There are so many times in my life that I could have turned right when I turned left, but I didn't and I believe that is for a very specific reason.

I did grow as a person for sure. While he brought be down quite a bit, I finally learned how to love myself and have much better self esteem. There were so many things that happened from the very beginning, that had I not done them the way I did, I would not be where I am today.

Where I am today is in a wonderful place, with a wonderful man. There are so many things I could have done differently. I could have married a different man, the one my father wanted me to marry. I could have left my ex husband one of the times I felt I couldn't take it anymore....but I didn't. All of this had to be for a reason. I had a couple of bad relationships after him and even one that I thought was pretty good, but it didn't work out.

I know you said not because of the children, but yes, I did get two wonderful children out of a bad marriage.

I didn't even want to marry him. I was standing there at the altar shaking and wishing I could run in the opposite direction. But I didn't.
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