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Old 05-04-2013, 11:46 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,975,761 times
Reputation: 6848

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The police are not magic and may not have training that helps them be effective in this situation. It sound like that was your experience in the past.

Where I live, there is a community organisation that is tained to help with mental health emergencies and not aggravate the situation. They currently share a dispatcher with the cops, but that might not be the case in other areas. I suggest you google for something like that in his area.

Longer term, he needs to get counseling and work through the issues that let him put up with this crap. The kids could use some counseling, too.
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Old 05-04-2013, 12:00 PM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,975,761 times
Reputation: 6848
Good point about documenting stuff for custody purposes. He should see a local lawyer. It's harmful to the kids to see behaviour like hers.
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Old 05-06-2013, 04:07 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,691,276 times
Reputation: 13170
Reminds me of my Serbian girlfriend.
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Old 05-07-2013, 06:24 PM
 
6,319 posts, read 7,223,879 times
Reputation: 11987
I also find it very wierd that your father chooses to use you as his confidant in this situation and you will probably be very offended by that - but I have 2 grown children of my own and would never dream of burdening them with my messy mistakes.

He is in an ugly situation, but real grown-ups deal...it's part of being an adult.

You say the wife was committed 2 years ago which also apparently coincided with the birth of the youngest child. I have to wonder how big the age gap is, and why a 50+ man would willingly be a daddy again at an advanced age.

To hear you speak, it is obvious this woman has huge problems, but the bigger picture is she cheated (why?) yet is still with the husband (why?) who apparently gives her a hard time about it still (it caused the latest argument) no wonder if she's struggling. She has two little kids, PND, and a (old) husband who keeps bringing up some cheating episode then runs and tells his grown daughter about it, whenever she loses her cool.

Your father needs to "man up" and take care of his children, both the first lot (you) and his new lot (the little ones).

If that means leaving his wife and getting the lawyers, so be it. C'est la vie.

The alternative seems to be that he sits about and complains and dumps his dirty emotional laundry on you, meanwhile doing exactly ZERO to ensure his babies are safe.

You ask why has he chosen another crazy lady? The answer to that is, obviously, he enjoys the drama. Getting on an international call to involve his adult daughter during a fight is beyond dysfunctional, and an indicator that your father's behaviour is inappropriate at best and he's not the innocent victim he wishes to portray.

You've got one thing right - the babies will suffer because of these shenanigans.

Last edited by cindersslipper; 05-07-2013 at 06:35 PM..
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Old 05-07-2013, 06:32 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,125 posts, read 107,381,087 times
Reputation: 115942
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizita View Post
Oh, I definitely plan to get involved to do what I can to protect my little brothers. What I meant about not being able to help was that I can't help physically. I can't go there and get the kids or try to mediate. It is hard to know what the right thing to do is.
Putting yourself in the line of fire would definitely not be the right thing to do. That's what the police are for. Hopefully the police would get social services involved. Once the crisis is over, all you can do is try to persuade your dad to get counseling himself, to find out why he keeps going for this type of woman.
OY! The humanity!
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Old 05-07-2013, 07:10 PM
 
102 posts, read 153,127 times
Reputation: 139
My mom was bipolar and acted much the same, not violent but very verbally abusive. My dad just took it to not knowing what else to do. She spent time on and off in mental wards by her own will. I am not sure it really helped. Here is what I think.

You are right. Depending on the child this can have life-effecting even crippling influence on a child's mental, emotional health and self-esteem. Intervention is mandatory.

She needs professional help, probably medication at this stage though I am generally against it. Most of all she needs LOVE and SUPPORT from YOU and your DAD. This may be hard to do to someone that is treating people like ****, but believe me this is the main ingredient to her cure and she cannot get well without it. She needs to know she is loved regardless of what she says or does. The children need to see this too. Eventually, if she can be helped she will come around.

The kids need to be helped equally. DO NOT PITY THEM. This will make them think something is wrong with them. That is, mom doesn't love them and other people feel sorry for them. Let them know things are not ok. Do not shield them. Bring them into the problem and allow them help in solving it. Treat them with respect and let them know mom is ill. DO NOT TELL THEM IT IS NOT THERE FAULT. They know this. TELL THEM YOU NEED THEIR HELP. This will make them feel included, healthy, wanted and help empower them.
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Old 05-07-2013, 07:13 PM
 
Location: Way up high
22,237 posts, read 29,269,623 times
Reputation: 31307
I'm sorry your dad is in this situation but get ahold of the cops immediately. Even if its child protective services. Do they have Baker Act over in Europe?? GL and keep us posted
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:24 PM
 
16,235 posts, read 25,147,660 times
Reputation: 27047
The reason is the same as it was when you were small. Your Dad is volunteering for this abuse by staying there to the detriment of his children, just like he did when you were small. I would call the police or the social services because obviously neither of those two are thinking of what is best for those two little ones. Sad. Do the right thing for them, forget about trying to do the right thing for your Dad.
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