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Old 05-09-2013, 10:25 AM
 
1,000 posts, read 1,125,029 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
I loved being in an open relationship. It's hard to find men (and I guess women) who are secure with masculinity and don't jealous and possessive. In my experience most people can't handle this type of arrangement. It's unfortunate really, it might help keep a marriage fresh and alive. I am quite happy to share as long as the boundaries are clear.
I said to each its own. Do whatever makes you happy!
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Old 05-09-2013, 11:15 AM
 
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@OngletNYC:

I think that for the style of open/poly where you have one main relationship, and a series of shortterm flings or ONS, being closeted is often easier and simpler.

But for folks who have two multi-year or multi-decade partners, it can be pretty infeasible. It can also involve more lying than they are comfortable with.

There is also the not insignificant fact that a person who is in a decades-long relationship may be unwilling to be referred to as a 'friend' or 'rooomate'. It's confining. It also leads to practical issues, which I have personally experienced, such as well-meaning friends and relatives constantly trying to fix up the supposedly single roommate with eligible, monogamous partners. It becomes difficult to explain why you keep refusing them, and why you never have dates of your own.
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:21 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,654,390 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
@OngletNYC:

I think that for the style of open/poly where you have one main relationship, and a series of shortterm flings or ONS, being closeted is often easier and simpler.

But for folks who have two multi-year or multi-decade partners, it can be pretty infeasible. It can also involve more lying than they are comfortable with.

There is also the not insignificant fact that a person who is in a decades-long relationship may be unwilling to be referred to as a 'friend' or 'rooomate'. It's confining. It also leads to practical issues, which I have personally experienced, such as well-meaning friends and relatives constantly trying to fix up the supposedly single roommate with eligible, monogamous partners. It becomes difficult to explain why you keep refusing them, and why you never have dates of your own.
This just isn't for me, I would not want my partner having short term flings. It has nothing to do with being closeted either. ("Sorry you couldn't reach me at my hotel room last night, I was bored and ended up in someone else's room" is not a problem, I get it, it isn't in the closet, nor are we going into all of the details.) Someone else on the thread hit upon it inadvertently, which makes it easier to clarify: I don't mind if you have sex with someone else, but I do mind if you share intimacy with someone else. This is non-negotiable for me.
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Old 05-09-2013, 12:31 PM
 
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Ohhhh... that is not DADT, then, if they can tell you they were with someone. That is just normal privacy of not going into details.

I get you on the intimacy thing. I, too, find that scarier than 'just sex'.
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Old 05-09-2013, 01:07 PM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,654,390 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones View Post
Ohhhh... that is not DADT, then, if they can tell you they were with someone. That is just normal privacy of not going into details.

I get you on the intimacy thing. I, too, find that scarier than 'just sex'.
Well it kinda is DADT... sorta. You have a one night stand on the road, you don't have to run back to tell me nor will I ever ask "Did you F someone last night?" But if the topic comes up in normal conversation of its own volition that's fine.
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Old 05-09-2013, 01:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
This just isn't for me, I would not want my partner having short term flings. It has nothing to do with being closeted either. ("Sorry you couldn't reach me at my hotel room last night, I was bored and ended up in someone else's room" is not a problem, I get it, it isn't in the closet, nor are we going into all of the details.) Someone else on the thread hit upon it inadvertently, which makes it easier to clarify: I don't mind if you have sex with someone else, but I do mind if you share intimacy with someone else. This is non-negotiable for me.
This is key. Know and be true to yourself.
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Old 05-10-2013, 12:53 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
18,762 posts, read 11,759,409 times
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I have a friend that was in an open relationship with her husband. She's divorced now having been replaced by a younger model. It's not for me. I'd find it too complicated.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:51 AM
 
6,732 posts, read 9,977,683 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Well it kinda is DADT... sorta. You have a one night stand on the road, you don't have to run back to tell me nor will I ever ask "Did you F someone last night?" But if the topic comes up in normal conversation of its own volition that's fine.
I think this sounds very workable, and like you would not run into the problems that more extreme DADT does.
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Old 05-06-2015, 10:20 PM
 
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So, what if you truly love two different people. What if it had nothing to do with physical sex? Should you limit your love? There are many different ways to love; and many different qualities about people that you can love.
I love man 1 because he is hard working, selfless, witty, and we are best friends.
I love man two because he is intuitive, easy to talk to, in tune with me, adventurous, and more mature.
I never planned on loving two people - it just happened. I would never have a one night stand while in a relationship because to me that's just physical selfishness and that's where jealousy comes into play.
If my partner/s were to tell me they were in "love" with someone else I would feel happy knowing that they are feeling that wonderful euphoria.
When I was in a monogamous relationship I longed for something more; yet I was still very deeply in love with man 1.
when man 2 came into my life it was like filling a hole and now I'm complete. And I hope everyone one day can feel how it feels because it's beautiful.
Pure love no jealousy, no ownership, Just love.
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