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Old 05-05-2013, 03:15 PM
 
Location: Reno, NV
5,987 posts, read 10,469,507 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
Perhaps. Personally, I find dealing with myself difficult. Add onto that dealing with the feelings of multiple other people? No thanks, that sounds exhausting and not at all fulfilling.
No problem. It has worked for me, and it wasn't very difficult because of great compatibility. Not at all exhausting - actually very energizing and fulfilling for all of us.
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Old 05-05-2013, 03:55 PM
 
393 posts, read 466,472 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
Let me see: because they don't want to be with someone who has sex with other people?

And reasons for that are plenty. They maybe seek partner for life, such behavior has a very negative outcome even if they tend to ignore it. Also, there are sexually transmitted diseases that you'll encounter because "it wasn't your business to know" that someone "secretly" has sex with other people around. Another reason would be because of your children. Institution of bastardy is abolished, so even women will find their children affected in today's world - your "business" of potentially making babies (and pay attention - you cannot force a woman to abort, it's her decision) will affect your family outcome not only by you paying for child support. Worst thing happens when those children come to claim portion of your inheritance.
Not to say anything else when a woman does it - you will practically raise a child that is biologically not even yours, invest your time, money and energy in a lifetime work that you never would do for a cuckolded child, and law is completely screwed in such regards.
And not to mention all the traumas that result from either sleeping around while other party doesn't know it, or giving them a surprise by transmitting them AIDS or when they find out about your (or "their") offspring.
There are plenty of other reasons even when people have an open relationship. You won't accept those arguments either.

That is like when you have people who tend to promote i.e. polyamorous marital unions. They often claim that it's much better than the "traditional" marital union and then they mention various reasons why 2-folk relationship doesn't work, while disregarding the obvious arguments that polyamorous relationship contains and a much complex relationship and the same problems, plus exponentially more potential complications that a traditional marital unit won't encounter.
Interesting how you didn't mention what's actually the principal reason--jealousy. Anyone who has a relationship/marriage with anybody runs some degree of risk of everything you've mentioned anyway.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:25 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,891,666 times
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Honestly open marriages are not what is intended by marriage. If people want to sleep around why marry? These marriages make a mockery of them.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:34 PM
 
393 posts, read 466,472 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Honestly open marriages are not what is intended by marriage. If people want to sleep around why marry? These marriages make a mockery of them.
I don't think there is anything inherently "intended by marriage." For most of history, marriage wasn't even usually about love, let alone monogamy.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:37 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,518 posts, read 34,833,342 times
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Building a marriage on lies and deceit is immoral. Building anything on lies and deceit is immoral.

Other than that, to each their own, as long as both parties are happy.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:37 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,891,666 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pi64 View Post
I don't think there is anything inherently "intended by marriage." For most of history, marriage wasn't even usually about love, let alone monogamy.
Yes but now it is.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:40 PM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,450,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Building a marriage on lies and deceit is immoral. Building anything on lies and deceit is immoral.

Other than that, to each their own, as long as both parties are happy.

post worth repeating
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:42 PM
 
393 posts, read 466,472 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Building a marriage on lies and deceit is immoral. Building anything on lies and deceit is immoral.

Other than that, to each their own, as long as both parties are happy.
Nobody with your philosophy could become a politician, that's for sure.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:44 PM
 
1,341 posts, read 1,627,647 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pi64 View Post
Interesting how you didn't mention what's actually the principal reason--jealousy. Anyone who has a relationship/marriage with anybody runs some degree of risk of everything you've mentioned anyway.
Look at it this way- if you had two homosexuals of different gender (a gay and a lesbian) in a heterosexual marriage and they don't consume their marriage at all but are very good (best) friends, they can have an open relationship as long as they don't conceive their own children on the side (which they can't, as long as they're having a homosexual relationship with other parties). Thus they can have a firm bond with their spouse (who is supposedly their best friend) and raise their biological children which are their mutual interest, getting both emotional and biological bond with their children and with each other, while having affairs or outright relationships with other people. Only condition is that their affairs don't result with destruction of marital union (i.e. one of the spouses deserting the union or taking the children away with them and their new lover).
It's not just jealousy but also other, practical factors. You can't be jealous when you don't have any feelings towards your spouse in such regard and you can't truly be mad at them if nothing out of such affair can result with your bond being in trouble (unless, like I said, they decide to do a stupid thing and walk out to pursue their sexual relationship and they destroy their marital union as a result of it).


By the way - marriage was more about love in middle ages than it is today. Don't make things confusing - they were definitely less opportunist than people today and the media myth tends to make medieval folks like idiots - they actually invented "eternal love" and romeo and juliet and other stuff. Modern age invented more convenience than ever, marriages out of lust, and most of all - modern age invented "free love" which is something called promiscuity in the middle ages.
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Old 05-05-2013, 04:44 PM
 
Location: USA
31,025 posts, read 22,064,322 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
The other night, a friend and I were having a conversation about relationships and fidelity. He is all for open relationships and has one with his wife. As I have always said, I would never be in an open relationship despite the fact that monogamy is not my strong suit. As we talked about it, I finally figured out why I don't like open relationships: it's the talking about it.

It seems that people in open relationships are very open about discussing their side sexual escapades. This includes the guys on OK Cupid etc who tell me I am welcome to call or email his wife to confirm things are open. Or for instance my boss, she and her husband have an open relationship (why do I know this? Too much talk...) and when they went to a trade show in Las Vegas he brought a woman back to their hotel room and asked my boss to take a walk. Online I see people talk about how their lover and spouse are all friends, or about how they are actively dating.

I have said before that the perfect relationship is open for me and closed for you, but that's not accurate. I don't care if you sleep with someone else. I just don't want to hear about it. What works for me: Don't ask don't tell. If my partner is out somewhere and a desirable one night stand were to present itself, I don't have a problem with it. But I don't want to hear about it either. Bored on a business trip and met someone at the hotel bar? Go for it. But I don't want to hear about it. Take care of yourself, use a condom, and keep up your personal obligations. And of course I will do the same. A dating profile that lists you as "available" is a no. Randomly meeting someone and going for it is a yes. But I don't want to hear about, nor will I ask you.

I would like to hear from you open relationship proponents, do any of you structure your relationships in this way? Or do you always talk about it?

Interesting. I don't know anyone personally that has a purely open relationship (Both people in the relationship are free to explore their sexuality with others) but I know more than a few couples that invite other women into bed with them. And like you said above they can be "very open about discussing". I don't mind hearing about it because human sexuality is a fascinating topic to me and I'd also like to know who is joining them in the bedroom? You would have to be pretty open minded to join a couple in the bedroom, but thats another topic itself
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