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Old 05-06-2013, 10:28 AM
 
Location: Hell, NY
3,187 posts, read 5,150,954 times
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I could never be in an open relationship..I am too selfish for sharing somebody who I care about/ love..I am not judging anyone or their beliefs. If you can do it, by all means more power to ya..I personally think it undermines the whole point of a relationship. The point of a relationship is that two people get to share their thoughts, views, opinions, bodies, emotions, etc with each other. To me, that is supposed to be special, almost sacred. The thought of someone else being with someone that I am with is repulsive to me. I just personally can't wrap my mind around it..I guess it comes down to each his own...I just know that for this guy, one girl is more than enough. If I am with someone, than I am with them. I don't want anybody else. I understand that open relationships stem from a more "physical" act rather than an emotional. However, even people who practive this, very few do it with success. You cannot take away natural traits like jealousy and such out of the mix, just because you think that you can..It just doesn't workt that way.Want to make god laugh, tell him your plans. Those who think that they can outwit human nature are only fooling themselves. There are exceptions to everything. I'm sure it works for some, as do most things..
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Old 05-06-2013, 11:08 AM
 
Location: Somewhere
8,069 posts, read 6,968,692 times
Reputation: 5654
Quote:
Originally Posted by nald View Post
Look at it this way- if you had two homosexuals of different gender (a gay and a lesbian) in a heterosexual marriage and they don't consume their marriage at all but are very good (best) friends, they can have an open relationship as long as they don't conceive their own children on the side (which they can't, as long as they're having a homosexual relationship with other parties). Thus they can have a firm bond with their spouse (who is supposedly their best friend) and raise their biological children which are their mutual interest, getting both emotional and biological bond with their children and with each other, while having affairs or outright relationships with other people. Only condition is that their affairs don't result with destruction of marital union (i.e. one of the spouses deserting the union or taking the children away with them and their new lover).
It's not just jealousy but also other, practical factors. You can't be jealous when you don't have any feelings towards your spouse in such regard and you can't truly be mad at them if nothing out of such affair can result with your bond being in trouble (unless, like I said, they decide to do a stupid thing and walk out to pursue their sexual relationship and they destroy their marital union as a result of it).


By the way - marriage was more about love in middle ages than it is today. Don't make things confusing - they were definitely less opportunist than people today and the media myth tends to make medieval folks like idiots - they actually invented "eternal love" and romeo and juliet and other stuff. Modern age invented more convenience than ever, marriages out of lust, and most of all - modern age invented "free love" which is something called promiscuity in the middle ages.
This sounds extremely naive. Most people develop a bond with their spouses, it is not just about sex. It's intimacy.

The lesbian gay marriage is absurd. First if they are having sex there must be some kind of sexual attraction. If you ask around most gay people are capable of having sex with people of the opposite sex, they just feel more attracted to their own sex. Humans are very jealous creatures when it comes to bonds. How many times have you seen friends being jealous of other friends? Plenty.

Another problem is that feelings change. Humans are paranoic creatures that tend to feel threatened all the time. You might not feel anything for your spouse but once you think he is having more fun with John and rhat your husband is sharing with John secrets he hasn't shared with you, you will feel insecure and jealous.

Polygamy is like Communism, it only works in theory.
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 4,481,351 times
Reputation: 7857
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
I notice that anytime someone expresses a distaste for open relationships, someone who is in one claims said person is either threatened or jealous, as though these are the only two possible reasons one might disagree with your lifestyle. Why is that? I suspect it makes you feel superior. Look at what I have bolded, your belief that anyone whose relationship isn't like yours simply isn't as secure as yours. .

PS I am not in a relationship at all.
I didn't mean to imply that at all.

And frankly, people in conventional, monogamous relationships are FAR more likely to feel superior to people in open relationships than vice versa. You can tell by how often they feel entitled to judge our lifestyle, while we almost never judge theirs.
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:38 AM
 
9,408 posts, read 13,737,507 times
Reputation: 20395
I loved being in an open relationship. It's hard to find men (and I guess women) who are secure with masculinity and don't jealous and possessive. In my experience most people can't handle this type of arrangement. It's unfortunate really, it might help keep a marriage fresh and alive. I am quite happy to share as long as the boundaries are clear.
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:38 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,673,142 times
Reputation: 10386
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
I didn't mean to imply that at all.

And frankly, people in conventional, monogamous relationships are FAR more likely to feel superior to people in open relationships than vice versa. You can tell by how often they feel entitled to judge our lifestyle, while we almost never judge theirs.
Let's put aside your obvious generalizations for now.

How does anyone even know about your lifestyle in order to judge you in the first place? (I don't mean online because we are having an intentional conversation on the topic.) Outside of here, who judges you and how do they know about your sex life?
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:40 AM
 
8,781 posts, read 9,450,158 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Djuna View Post
it might help keep a marriage fresh.
well yes, when you can openly ignore a portion of it with them and get to from another i would imagine so
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:48 AM
 
Location: Newport Beach, California
39,221 posts, read 27,592,812 times
Reputation: 16060
Quote:
Originally Posted by lilyflower3191981 View Post
I honestly don't understand open relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by burgler09 View Post
If i was going to be in an open relationship, I'd rather just be single... that way I wouldn't have to put any more investment than it is.. a FWB.

Sounds like way too much work for that situation
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Larkspur123 View Post
Many people don't desire to be in a relationship with someone who isn't exclusive. Do you think that at the very least, informing the other person you don't plan on staying exclusive, gives them the opportunity to decide whether they wish to stay in the relationship/arrangement etc. That seems fair to me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Raena77 View Post
It's not for me. I don't want his ding in another woman. Ewww.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
If I'm into someone enough to be in a relationship or be married to I don't want to be with anyone else. I would prefer that other person liked me enough to feel the same way.

I do know people in polyamorous situations and it seems to work well for them so I'm very happy they're happy. For me, however, that wouldn't work. It's not even jealousy necessarily...for me it would be the feeling of inadequacy because I obviously am not good enough to keep my partner happy and fulfilled in our relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by superdav View Post
No need to argue really. Some people just like to sleep around just to feel "they still got it"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
Honestly open marriages are not what is intended by marriage. If people want to sleep around why marry? These marriages make a mockery of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
Building a marriage on lies and deceit is immoral. Building anything on lies and deceit is immoral.

Other than that, to each their own, as long as both parties are happy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I have never agreed with an open relationship/marriage however, I'm not saying it is right or wrong it is just not the right thing for me.

.
Quote:
Originally Posted by supermanpansy View Post
I could never be in an open relationship..I am too selfish for sharing somebody who I care about/ love..I am not judging anyone or their beliefs. If you can do it, by all means more power to ya....
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
I didn't mean to imply that at all.
And frankly, people in conventional, monogamous relationships are FAR more likely to feel superior to people in open relationships than vice versa. You can tell by how often they feel entitled to judge our lifestyle, while we almost never judge theirs.
I honestly don't believe people are judging. We all have our preferences. It is an interesting discussion. Certainly it is interesting to know how others live their lives. But at the end of the day, we all have to do what is the best for us.
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Old 05-08-2013, 09:54 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 4,481,351 times
Reputation: 7857
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
Let's put aside your obvious generalizations for now.

How does anyone even know about your lifestyle in order to judge you in the first place? (I don't mean online because we are having an intentional conversation on the topic.) Outside of here, who judges you and how do they know about your sex life?
How do people in your life know anything about your relationships? Well, that's the same way people in my life know about mine. They don't know the intimate details of my sex life. But they do know who I am with, and they know something about us. Why wouldn't they?

As for who has judged me, lord, where to start? I cannot tell you how many friends of friends, most of whom were trying to be helpful, have said things like, "So when are you and S. finally going to get serious?" We've been together almost 20 years! Or, "Why do you and S. still have commitment issues?" Again, 20 years! Every time my partner and I have had a fight or disagreement, people we know ALWAYS assume non-monogamy is the cause of it (it never has been). I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:29 AM
 
Location: NYC
7,364 posts, read 14,673,142 times
Reputation: 10386
Quote:
Originally Posted by RogersParkGuy View Post
How do people in your life know anything about your relationships? Well, that's the same way people in my life know about mine. They don't know the intimate details of my sex life. But they do know who I am with, and they know something about us. Why wouldn't they?

As for who has judged me, lord, where to start? I cannot tell you how many friends of friends, most of whom were trying to be helpful, have said things like, "So when are you and S. finally going to get serious?" We've been together almost 20 years! Or, "Why do you and S. still have commitment issues?" Again, 20 years! Every time my partner and I have had a fight or disagreement, people we know ALWAYS assume non-monogamy is the cause of it (it never has been). I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture.
People don't know anything about my relationships because I don't share details. I cant imagine ever sharing details about my relationship or sex life. So I have to ask again, how do they know about yours?

As for your quotes of people judging you, I hear the exact same thing even though I have never been in an open relationship.
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Old 05-08-2013, 10:41 AM
 
Location: Chicago
3,391 posts, read 4,481,351 times
Reputation: 7857
Quote:
Originally Posted by OngletNYC View Post
People don't know anything about my relationships because I don't share details. I cant imagine ever sharing details about my relationship or sex life. So I have to ask again, how do they know about yours?
I just told you I don't share details about my sex life, either. Did you bother reading what I wrote before answering?

Relationships are not usually carried on in secret. People know when you're with someone. People who know you well, people who you trust, people who you are close with, end up knowing certain things about you. That kind of sharing is important, especially when you are having troubles. You need friends to confide in. Why is this hard to understand?

If it is true no one in your life knows anything about your relationships, up to and including the fact you're in one, then that is what is strange.
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