It's been 4 months today (dating, movies, boyfriend, married)

[metamorphosis]

It's been 4 months today since I walked out of our apartment and moved back home - 600 miles away.

The last couple of days were tough. When I think of the 8 years of good times that I had, of us walking into stores holding hands, of going to antique shops, of wrestling around on the bed on a Sunday morning, that's when I get so depressed. I never knew I could miss someone so much. I never realized that I would miss saying, "I love you." I so want to say those words again.

But when I think of him going out on me, of me crying my eyes out while he just stood there, of him talking to her on the phone while I was in the same room, of him leaving me with his son while he "went to the store" for 2 hours, that's when I get hurtful. When I hurt like that I get angry.

I do have some good news, though. I got pre-approved for a home loan! I will be able to shop for a little house. It will be bitter-sweet, because it's something I've wanted for a long time, but it's something I wanted to do with him.

[mainebrokerman]

we are strange creatures- when we finally have the courage to break it off-start a new life- we often only remember the better times.. and not the why we moved out in the first place- i think it means, you miss how you felt-not necessarily him

no need to marinate in misery- find some new friends/dates.....once you have some new interests...you wont be missing him

once you get a new place of your own-you will start feeling better- you will be anchored on your own

[NilaJones]

::big hugs::

You will get through this. The first few months are the worst. I promise you, by the new year you will wonder why you were ever sad over him.

And congrats on the house loan

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

It's been 4 months today since I walked out of our apartment and moved back home - 600 miles away.

The last couple of days were tough. When I think of the 8 years of good times that I had, of us walking into stores holding hands, of going to antique shops, of wrestling around on the bed on a Sunday morning, that's when I get so depressed. I never knew I could miss someone so much. I never realized that I would miss saying, "I love you." I so want to say those words again.

But when I think of him going out on me, of me crying my eyes out while he just stood there, of him talking to her on the phone while I was in the same room, of him leaving me with his son while he "went to the store" for 2 hours, that's when I get hurtful. When I hurt like that I get angry.

I do have some good news, though. I got pre-approved for a home loan! I will be able to shop for a little house. It will be bitter-sweet, because it's something I've wanted for a long time, but it's something I wanted to do with him.

This is an achievement, OP! Congrats! Don't sabotage your happiness by only looking at the negative ("My dream was to have a house to share with someone.") Look at the positive--you're buying a house! It's all yours! You've come such a long way! A whole new phase of your life has begun.

[TabulaRasa]

It will get better. I promise.

I'm at nine months past the incredibly sudden implosion of a five year-long cohabiting relationship. The first few months were the most difficult of my life (and I didn't miss him or want him back, and they were still hellish, what with the grieving the years lost, the years being played for a fool, the being lied to, etc....it would have been even harder if I were wanting him back). I also didn't move back home...I stayed put. I could run into him, conceivably, but thus far, I haven't.

Now, with nine months' time and distance, things are much better. I actually had to stop and do the math to figure out how long it's been. I've stopped thinking in terms of that automatically, and had to make the effort, and that's a good sign. As was the day, a few weeks ago, when I realized I'd made it through what would have been our sixth anniversary, and it didn't even occur to me until days later. Very freeing.

Moving on is cleansing. I got my own place, I decorate it the way I want to, I cook the meals I like without worrying about someone else's overly picky tastes, I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore as the result of someone else's emotional problems, I don't have to wonder what it is that he's stewing about. I gave time to friendships with people I'd neglected by focusing on my relationship, I rejoined activities I'd been involved in and let slip, and I started dating, just to feel like I was participating in society. Unexpectedly, I met someone solid, caring, honest, and emotionally stable. Somebody where I don't have to worry about any of those things my ex was not. Life is good.

You'll stop thinking in terms of "your life with him" and start thinking in terms of "your life." Period. I did not think I would ever trust anybody again, was afraid my relationship with him had made me damaged goods. But I was wrong. His damage did not rub off on me. It's his and his alone, and I am moving on and happy to do so.

[Lilac110]

Ouch! I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting, Meta. Sounds like a painful break-up, followed by some stressful, if ultimately productive, upheaval.

Not like I'm Shrink of the Year or anything, but it seems to me like you're doing all the right things, and it's normal, even healthy, for you to get angry when you're feeling pain. I think people grieve the end of relationships a lot like they grieve the loss of a loved one. There are stages, and anger is one of them. Sounds like you're experiencing that in tandem with the depression stage, and that is okay. It's even useful if you channel it right, because as a good friend of mine said to me not too long ago, angry people get stuff done.

And you are. I mean buying a house? That is fantastic!

Just don't beat yourself up if you find yourself feeling down about it again. There may still be ups and downs for a while, but eventually, it will be mostly up.

Also, I love what TabulaRosa said about moving on being cleansing. Think about your future, and all of the things you can do with your freedom. Doing that really helped me during and after my divorce.

You're good people Meta, and I wish you all the best.

[metamorphosis]

Since I won't be buying a mansion or a penthouse, I am hoping to find a little house that needs a little work - projects that I can do (and afford) that will keep my mind busy. Right now I keep my mind busy by working OT and I worked today as well. (At my old job, I hated working on Saturdays because I wanted to be with him. When I got this job, I was thinking that not having Saturday hours was a perk, but now I'm doing it voluntarily - but still getting paid.) The work is detailed and we have to work quickly so it keeps my mind from wandering too much. Now I work on Saturday's because I have no life. LOL

There is a verrrrry nice guy at work. He is very friendly. Hold on, he's married. I'm not a fan of dating someone at work anyway. But it would be nice if he had a brother that needed a companion to the movies or something (like bowling). LOL

I swear, if TabulaRosa lived in the States I would think her man and mine were the same. Just some of the things she says make me think we have walked that road together.

And yes, I feel as though I've lost someone to death. He did such a complete turn around in personality. Everyone who knew of how I loved him and talked about him was shocked that he did that. Anyway, it is like someone died. The only difference is that generally speaking when a person dies, it isn't because they don't love you - it isn't as though they chose to leave you. When he left, he left letting me know that he didn't love me - that he loved HER. Knowing he doesn't love me - at all - hurt worse than if he had died. (Not that I would ever want that to happen.) I'm not sure I'm even making sense.

As far as a social life, I live with my daughter and SIL for now. And my department at work is just women. I don't get to the other departments much. Anyway, I was thinking of joining a group that helps the community much like the Shriners or something. I'd like to meet people who care about others.

And (someday) if I meet a nice grandpa who loves his grandchildren, that would be a plus.

Thank you. I really do appreciate your support.

[himain]

Meta-Stay strong and keep going forward. Enjoy picking out your new house and think of all the bob villa things you can do to it!!!


GL

[TabulaRasa]

I do live in the states, and unfortunately, there are lots of men who operate this way. My ex learned it from his own dad, another messed up person who looks to others to create his happiness, and always comes up disappointed. Some people will simply never be happy. Luckily for me, I'm not one of 'em.

[SophieLL]

Originally Posted by metamorphosis

It's been 4 months today since I walked out of our apartment and moved back home - 600 miles away.

The last couple of days were tough. When I think of the 8 years of good times that I had, of us walking into stores holding hands, of going to antique shops, of wrestling around on the bed on a Sunday morning, that's when I get so depressed. I never knew I could miss someone so much. I never realized that I would miss saying, "I love you." I so want to say those words again.

But when I think of him going out on me, of me crying my eyes out while he just stood there, of him talking to her on the phone while I was in the same room, of him leaving me with his son while he "went to the store" for 2 hours, that's when I get hurtful. When I hurt like that I get angry.

I do have some good news, though. I got pre-approved for a home loan! I will be able to shop for a little house. It will be bitter-sweet, because it's something I've wanted for a long time, but it's something I wanted to do with him.

Congratulations!!

Im in a similar situation than you, i stopped seeing my long term boyfriend (of 7 years) around a month ago, though the last year was just a long-goodbye, if im being honest. I ve been so sad that i thought it would be impossible for me to ever recover. I guess the first months are the worse, i cried myself to sleep many nights. About a week ago, i stopped crying, not for good, obviously, and im still sad over him, but for the first time in a veeeery long year of trying to get used to the idea that i wont be with him again, is the first time i actually think i can be HAPPY, i can get over this, without him. I can live my life. Such a priceless feeling. Such a relieve. You will have it soon and feel wonderful. The love you had for him will always be in there somewhere, but some day you will feel better, you will realize you can be happy, you will realize you are free now, no more depending emotionally on this person, and you will feel so good about yourself.

Im tempted to say that some moments of the last week (when i finally started seeing the light) was the most POWERFUL i felt in at least 5 years.