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That is the nature of men. So, it doesnt matter whether i approve or not. If the result will be the same, why do i bother myself?
The inclination to watch pornography being "the nature of men" is arguable enough, but are you saying that the betrayal of trust is the nature of men as well? I think even most people who are fine with pornography would agree that trust is important in any relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabyte
I dont think that men who are in relationships do not watch porn films because of their girl friends. They watch.
I don't watch it. Granted, it isn't just because my wife doesn't like it; we happen to agree on the subject. But I wouldn't condone lying and hiding such a thing from my wife, even if I thought pornography was completely harmless.
No betrayal in the situation as is. But here is what she said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gigabyte
I would not see any harm to my relationship with my bf or husband. It is so natural. I know that if I do not allow him to watch porn, he will watch definitely when I am not at home or I cannot be near him all the time.
Hence, if she didn't approve, he would do it anyway whenever he could hide it. That would be a betrayal of trust.
monumentus, I'll be working all day tomorrow, just so you know. Don't think I'm ignoring you!
More links, for anyone who cares to read them:
"A review study in 1994, based on 81 original peer-reviewed research studies (35 using
aggressive stimuli and 46 using non-aggressive stimuli), concluded that 'the empirical
research on the effects of aggressive pornography shows, with fairly impressive
consistency, that exposure to these materials has a negative effect on attitudes toward
women and the perceived likelihood to rape.' The study also noted that 70 percent of
the 46 non-aggressive studies reported clear evidence of negative effects of exposure.
A meta-analysis in 1995, using the results of 24 original experimental studies, found that
'violence within the pornography is not necessary to increase the acceptance of rape
myths' (i.e. the myth that women secretly desire to be raped). The study noted that the
link between acceptance of rape myths and exposure to pornography stems from a simple
premise - 'that most pornography commodifies sex, that women become objects used
for male pleasure, and that as objects of desire, they are to be acted on.' The study also
noted that such attitudinal changes are of concern because 'several recent meta-analyses
demonstrate a high correlation (about r = .80) between attitude and behavior'.
A separate meta-analysis in 1995, using a set of 33 studies, found that 'violent content,
although possibly magnifying the impact of the pornography, is unnecessary to
producing aggressive behavior.'"
Lyons, J.S., Anderson, R.L. and Larsen, D., .A Systematic Review of the Effects of Aggressive and Nonaggressive Pornography,. in Zillman, Bryant & Huston (Ed.), Media, Children & the Family: Social Scientific, Psychodynamic, and Clinical Perpectives, Hillsdale, N.J., J. Erlbaum Associates, p.305
Allen, M., Emmers, T., Gebhardt, L., & Giery M. A. (1995). .Exposure to Pornography and Acceptance of Rape Myths.. Journal of Communication, Winter, p.19 and pp.7-8.
Allen, M., D.Alessio, D., & Brezgel, K. (1995). A Meta-analysis Summarizing the Effects of Pornography II. Human Communication Research, 22, p.271.
The following is an article by Dr. Victor Cline which discusses the many concerns over pornography’s effects on society and the individual mind, giving references throughout.
I call it freedom. She doesn't control his body, mind or eyes.
Of course not. But there wouldn't be any justification for letting your partner believe you're not watching it when you really are. Again, it's about trust. This is the Relationships forum; surely, I'm not the first to promote the concept of trust...
she knows that she cannot change him as a person, that he will continue to watch porn, so she has no issue with that.
that's what relationships are allegedly about, being ok with who they are and trust them still.
Relationships are allegedly about many things. Ironically, they are said to be about both accepting someone for who they are and compromise. You need the ability and inclination to do both, and determining when to do either is up to the couple as a unit to decide. My point, however, was about trust, honesty, openness, loyalty. No matter what else you make your relationship about, it should come with these things... whether we're talking about pornography, or anything else. Therefore, a man whose wife doesn't approve of pornography shouldn't be hiding it. He should either tell her he intends to keep watching it or that he'll stop, but be honest in either case. Know what I mean?
I would rather the whole world watch pornography and be honest about it than for no one to watch it and be hiding something from their partners, as I think dishonesty is worse than even the harms of pornography.
But that's just it. Men/women wouldn't be expecting things that the average woman/man won't do if they didn't watch pornography or share these details in public forums, etc. I mean, without knowing what "things" we're referring to, my default guess would be there's a reason your SO won't do it. They consider it degrading, risky behavior, etc. and if either of those opinions are true, the pornography viewer shouldn't be entertaining these ideas in the first place. Sure, there are some sexually "rigid" men and women out there (for lack of a better word) who refuse to do things they probably should consider doing, but that's why you discuss these things before getting in a committed relationship with them. And I would think men and women can pick up on the sort of rigidity that would be opposed to oral sex in general, for example, while they're dating.
Do you honestly think the more unusual things depicted in easily accessed porn are new ideas? I thought Kinsey did a pretty good job in demonstrating the wide range of human sexual activity and proclivity.
Your use of the words "rigid" and "should" beg the question of why you get to distinguish what someone "should consider doing?" What one person considers prudish, another may find acceptable, and what one person considers outlandish, another may consider simply spicy, or even vanilla.
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