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I could sense something was going on. I kept asking and he kept making things up. I wanted to believe him (but don't think I ever believed the excuses), because I loved him with my whole being.
I'm afraid that after a few months, I still love him for the first 8 years. I keep thinking that I'll wake up. And I do, every morning.
I've never had someone break up with me out of the blue. That would be awful.
I'm big on talking about feelings. If something is bothering me in the relationship, I talk about it. If my sweetie doesn't want to talk, I try again another time. Depending on the issue, I may try for years before giving up and breaking up with them.
And if I sense something is bothering my sweetie, I ask. I draw it out of them. I have a few decades of experience as a counselor, so I am good at encouraging people to say what is really going on with them. (IRL, anyway. Maybe not here.)
So my relationships typically involve a year or two of trying to work stuff out, after problems arise and before we both decide they are not fixable. Then we stay friends. Not always, though -- acting other than in good faith has resulted in instant dumping.
Last edited by NilaJones; 05-13-2013 at 11:06 PM..
When I was dating. I always, always knew when it's coming to an end. I also knew when they were cheating too. LOL. Every girl I ever accused of cheating. I was right. LOL.
I was just watching this movie and this guy told his buddy that he thought he was losing his woman (things were not so rosey in their relationship) but they were not broken up yet, and then a little while after that she did leave him. So I'm wondering if people always see it coming beforehand or if it's more often a surprise.
I think it differs from person to person. I'm a woman. when I withhold physical affection or just can't seem to get past that hump within whatever fight my SO and I are having, it means I'm really really mad/hurt.
It's not a revenge thing. I just can't.
If I get that feeling weeks in a row, I guess that's trouble-ville for sure. Best to nip it in the beginning, talk it out and solve problems at the early signs
It's probably along the lines of why most legal separation periods eventually lead in divorce.
When I was dating. I always, always knew when it's coming to an end. I also knew when they were cheating too. LOL. Every girl I ever accused of cheating. I was right. LOL.
Yes, I have always been able to tell. I'm always surprised when people say they honestly didn't see it coming especially if it's a long term relationship and/or a marriage. I find it hard to believe there weren't signs. I think maybe they just didn't want to see the signs or believe anything might be wrong. It's definitely a crap feeling when you feel someone you really care about losing interest and pulling away from you. In the past when I sensed someone pulling away, it made me try even harder to win them back. In the future, when I feel someone pulling away I'll just let them go. Not worth it.
Eh, as I mentioned, I was in one long-term relationship where this was the case. The reason I didn't see the signs is because they were the same signs as ongoing mental health issues of his that had been something we'd been experiencing in the relationship for years, that he'd sought therapy for from time to time, etc.
So, withdrawal because of psych disorder, or withdrawal because he no longer wanted to be in the relationship? It was impossible to tell the difference, the symptoms were exactly the same. All throughout our relationship, knowing about his psych issue, I would check and be on top of it, to make sure...because I knew that the symptoms were the same. The difference in the end is that previously, when I point blank asked if it was me, the relationship, etc. that was causing the distress, just tell me, and I'd go, he'd answer one way. In the end, he answered opposite.
Now, of course, through that relationship, I have learned that I am not willing to be in a relationship with somebody with an emotional and/or psych disorder that they choose not to consistently, proactively treat. I wasn't an idiot, but I did make the choice to be with somebody who had a psych problem, which made his behavior difficult to assess and categorize.
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