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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,682 posts, read 54,922,676 times
Reputation: 11862
Don't have anything to add, but wow, Oil City, PA, what a coincidence, our tour guide in America was from there, it's a pretty small town. I wonder if your wife knows her?
It's not that simple, they are family. But it would be so much easier if we were both from a similar background culturally and economically, won't it?
Seriously, they live HOURS away. How often do you have to see these people? I would imagine someone of your superior intellect and emotional intelligence could find a way to keep yourself entertained during a few visits and unaffected by their nastiness.
Your wife isn't too keen on them either, and they're not YOUR family. Why can't you just let whatever BS they throw at you roll off and concentrate on backing up your wife when she feels she needs to spend time with these people? Why are you so freaked out by the fact that your wife doesn't have a supportive family?
You seem obsessed about a minor problem that millions of people deal with every day, no matter what the social class involved. Nasty people come from all walks of life. Hell, my working-class ex all but mounted a campaign to protect me against my princess-y mother's constant nitpicking and criticisms while we were together.
Your obsession with social class is frankly bizarre. Are you just looking for a way out of your marriage and this is the issue you've hit upon? Or do you have no coping skills whatsoever? You're making this problem all about you and your fragile sensibilities rather than about your wife and her unsupportive family.
Honestly, this problem could easily have been billed as "My wife's family is hostile and verbally abusive toward her and rude to me. Has anyone else dealt with this and how can I support her?" Instead it's all about "My wife's family isn't exactly like my family and I'm freaking out." Do you see the difference?
No one else in her large Catholic Family continued their education since High School and all of them work at a factory or fast food jobs. (All making under $9 an hour in their 30s.) Her Mom and Dad are as working class as can be.
A socially inept snob (in their eyes)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Socially Inept
When there is conversation in the family gatherings I have been to with my wife's family (99% of the time we just watch TV), it is about how terrible management or white collar people are who don't deserve to be making good money and aren't really working when they sit in an office doing research (directed by her family towards my wife) and they tell me college is a waste of time (directed at me the College Instructor).
So there is plenty of snobbery directed at white collar people from working class people too.
well, I assume that this window into another world can offer something that other marriages may lack. When you marry someone from a completely different class, there’s already a massive difference that you have to acknowledge and explore. From the beginning, you take each other as unique and it’s a learning process. For that reason, when such relationships work, they really work. It is like inter-racial relationship.
I doubt that her family dislikes you for no reasons. I think somehow you offended them with your astonishing sense of superiority.
There is nothing wrong with making an honest dollar. But it seems like "making under $9 an hour in their 30s" is an issue for you. Your wife's family is not part of the 47% Income tax free freeloaders who never feel guilty about leeching off the rest of us. They have my respect.
Plus, how exactly do you define "class"?
"Members of the owning class own enough so that they do not have to work to stay alive, while members of the working class have to sell their work to survive. The point about the owning class is not that they are richer, but that they own the things that generate wealth without them having to work: essentially, land and buildings (giving them income from rent) and businesses (giving them income from the sale of goods or services)."
You and your wife's family belong to the same social class according to the above definition.
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 05-15-2013 at 07:33 AM..
But pushing your child to forgo a "life better than what I have/had" isn't exactly a typical parental attitude. Furthermore, working to make your child feel bad because he/she wanted an education because, well, he/she wanted to do something else with his/her life is downright cruel. I can see how the OP would have a dim view of her family/parents, even if it doesn't directly affect him.
--Dim
I didnt see anything suggesting her parents pushed her to forgo college or intentionally making her feel bad about it. Sounds like they didnt pay for it and were not excited and envolved in her higher education. Maybe because they were busy working to pay their bills? Maybe I missed something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Socially Inept
I would not have respect for any parent who did not emotionally support and show interest in their child's education.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peanuttree
I'm sorry but there's seriously wrong without offering ANY help or emotional support for such a basic part of life. Regardless of what you say you're parents are indeed lacking in some part of their personality/life.
I dont think I ever said my parents never offered help. A college degree is not a basic part of life. My parents helped and supported my education thru High School which gave me the foundation and prepared me to continue my education. At what point does further organized education stop becoming a basic part of life and parental obligation? Associates degree, Bachlors, Masters, PhD?
Yeah, my parents may have been lacking in some aspect of their life, but isnt everyone. They did good raising 4 kids, keeping us clothed, fed, loved, instilling good values, and preparing us to be well adjusted, self-sufficient productive citizens. I find that more worthy of respect than paying my tuition, feigning interest in biology, American Lit. or campus life and sitting thru 3 hours of boring graduation ceremony.
It's not that simple, they are family. But it would be so much easier if we were both from a similar background culturally and economically, won't it?
But you're not, so get over it. You can't change things so either divorce her or deal with it. It's really that simple.
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Clash of social cultures
