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I'm very sorry you're going through this. I have the same problem with my husband and we are currently in counseling. 1st off we've been married 12 years and the abuse (name calling, belittle in public)been going on the entire time. He blamed me as well and I believed him.
She won't go to counseling. Not unless you threaten her ( I want out of this marriage is what I said). We've been in counseling for 6 month. Nothing!!! No progress!! It's still my fault because I **** him off, and I'm a "dumb ass." He's a college educated person btw.
These people are crazy. Don't wait 12 years like me. GET OUT NOW!
Has he refused to allow a psychiatrist to diagnose him or prescribe him meds ?
Many of these people would improve if only they'd go on meds to control their mental illnesses.
Maybe it's time to make good on your threat and leave him, and maybe he'll realize he needs to get mental help, not just family counseling.
She won't go to counseling. Not unless you threaten her ( I want out of this marriage is what I said).
I've seen that advice on another board, worded differently: place two cards in front of her. one for a lawyer and one for a counselor. tell her to pick which direction she wants to go because the current path you two are on is no longer tenable and you intend to step off, one way or the other.
If you don't intend to merely say "I'm outa here!" (wouldn't blame you for that) then there needs to be a stern intervention, outlined above.
Just re-iterating what others have mentioned
But
This is abuse.
yes, men suffer abuse from their wives.
You didn't know her - (really) with your short dating/engagement. As time goes on this abuse will get worse. I'm sure during the dating/engagement she was doing it, but with all "love in the eyes" you probably didn't recognize it.
Comments critizing you for your dress, your shoes, your car, etc.. etc.. etc..
Name calling and if you got upset.. the "i'm just joking"
Making fun of you in front of others.. Verbal Abuse: Is Your Relationship Verbally Abusive?
Counseling.. sure.. give it a try, unless she faces to the problem and unless you call her on it, nothing will change for the long run.
Don't get her pregnant, whatever you do.. and get out of this abusive relationship!
If it were a woman on her with your same story, everyone would be "Leave him now, he is such an {enter your favorite swear word here}"
The more you try to appease her, the worse it can get.. She is controlling you and she has found a way to do it successfully. (yes, verbal abuse is a controlling mechanism).
Don't get her pregnant, whatever you do.. and get out of this abusive relationship!
Even if she suddenly comes up with a pregnancy, don't let that stop you from leaving her! Leave, then if you want, get a lawyer to file for full custody of the child, if you think the child wouldn't be safe in her hands. But whatever you do, leave!
OP, I am sorry you are going through this. Obviously you did not know her as well as you thought, but that is done. She is either mentally ill, pregnant, or has a hormonal problem. As srared by others, this is abuse. It will only get worse. The next step is physically abusing you and she is very close to that now. Don't leave and then come back. I think at the least you should be seperated. She needs both a physical and mental evaluation. Don't go back until you know what you are really dealing with, and then only if she can get the proper help that she needs.
She wasn't like this back then. Sure, maybe we had few arguments just like all couples do but no where close to this.
Signs? I can't think of any and usually my parents aren't wrong when judging my friends or gfs. I guess they didn't see it either. Well she used to have this habit of pinching my arm at times but would say she's just joking even when it was hurting a bit and I didn't really like it.
She argues easily. If I mention about visiting my parents, most of the times she's already upset and accuses me of not loving her enough. If I surprise her with a present and it happens not to be what she likes or is cheaper she'll call me out on that. If I argue back, she goes crazy like that.
One of the most ridiculous argument was over a music I was listening to. She accused me of listening to it because of how I was reminded of an ex. I told her no, that I just like it and she went off.
Another thing she argues is how she wishes to go out a lot and all I ever care about is work and the house. I still take her out many times and she still complains.
I'm beginning to realize this now but I've always wanted marriage and a family ever since junior high year years. When I met her, I thought I've found the one. I didn't want to wait further. That's how I felt for her or else I would have broken up. I never liked wasting a woman's time if there isn't a future because that would be wasting my time too. So I married her but yes maybe I didn't know her well and now I'm seeing her complete self.
Quote:
Originally Posted by cindersslipper
You say you've been together for a couple of years but married for one, doing the math means you married less than 12 months after meeting, at quite young ages.
Unless you have gone through some tough times with a person, you don't really know them, so possibly should hesitate before you bind yourself to them forever legally.
True. The only time we've lived together as bf and gf was actually days after proposing to her. I've always been a man that makes decisions fast and doesn't think too much.
I'm not sure if this is the way a wife should act in the marriage. This is really my first marriage and I'm 25 years old and she's 24.
We've been together for 2 years, engaged for a couple months and married for a year now. The problem is for the past 5 months every time we argue, she gets into these ridiculous tantrums and suddenly it's all my fault all the time. Most of the time I don't even start arguing; she does.
In her tantrums, she stomps on things, calls me the most horrible names and even throws objects. I've having a hard time dealing with her sudden mood swings and so I keep leaving but this is stressing me out. What happened to the woman I once dated, proposed to and married? There weren't these weird tantrums.
It gets to the point I have watch what I'm going say or do because then all this hell starts again and once she gets to that point, it takes her several days later to talk to me.
I just want to make her happy and it seems like I can't do anything right. Last time, I left angrily and this almost caused me to crashed my car. She kept screaming in my face and honestly, she scared me. It seemed like at any time she would have probably hit me or something.
And lately, she's having issues with some of my family members.
Sounds like you have let her take control and she sees you as weak. She wants a strong dominant man in her life that doesn't put up with tantrums and little girl syndrome. You are letting her do this to you.
You need to put your foot down. When she starts losing her mind, don't say a word. Look around like you don't care. Smirk a little. When she finally calms down, look at her with a cocked eyebrow and say, "are you done?" Don't give her any reaction to her little girl behavior. You are a man. She is a grown woman. You do not put up with this. Tell her calmly if she wants to discuss an issue, you will, gladly, when she can discuss it like a grown woman.
I think you need to step back and really think about how you've been acting with her. If a woman is reverting to teenage like tantrums, it is a tell tale sign you have lost your dominant male frame. Are you coming back with flowers and an apology even when you know it's not your fault? Weak. Are you constantly trying to please her? Weak. Are you asking her where you should eat dinner that night instead of being the dominant male and telling her you are taking her out to your favorite steakhouse? Then, when you've gone through 6 different restaurants and she was annoyingly indecisive about all of them and you finally arrive at the destination you "thought" you two decided on she gives you the "I don't really want to eat here, you picked this place, not me." Weak.
She is the one that is the problem and should be coming to you for forgiveness. Work on you for a bit. Hit the gym. Be a MAN and stop groveling to a teenage crybaby.
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