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Frankly, almost all of your points contradict what trust and being in a relationship is all about.
It sounds like you have been burned lately. But, I haven't read the whole post to See if there is a story.
The truth is, living by the rules you have listed above will most likely leave you alone and lonely for many many years, regardless of how many dates or men you spend the next part of your life with.
ONE day, you will wake up and realize that your anger for a failed relationship has led you down a path from which you may regret.
Honestly, you sound extremely bitter, and it is probably a good idea for you to take some time and be single (read: no dating), and heal yourself emotionally, however long that takes.
most of these are good advice (1 and 2 might not apply to every situation.) , trust has to be earned. Dating can be healing, I think. I don't think the OP sounds bitter.
I agree with most of the OP's points, however, I strongly disagree with the suggestion never, ever to believe that he or she is just a friend! For example, I went to Paris for two weeks with a male friend and he was a FRIEND. I'm also off to Hawaii for several weeks with another male friend....we're just friends. Yes, males and females can be just friends.
Whole other thread. Yeah males and females can be friends if one of them is gay.
The OP doesn't sound bitter at all. I would advise EVERYONE to take heed to this advice. This is sage, time-tested wisdom. Anyone who thinks otherwise more than likely is very young, and/or is living in a fantasyland and very, very gullible and naïve.
If I am bitter, I am bitter at myself for walking around for 9 years with rose-colored glasses. As Special Guest stated, one who doesn't heed the advice is likely to be young, living in a fantasyland, very gullible and naive. Or they could be like me and just love the other person, want to help, want to make it work, and not be selfish. I can see now that I was/am a giver and a helper, but I did that at my own expense.
I want others to know that you have be able to say no. If there is work to be done in the relationship both people should be willing to discuss it and work on it as a team. If you aren't a team, being in a relationship is pointless, isn't it?
It seems so obvious, but when a person is right in the thick of it, they may a wake-up call. Or like me, a boot to the head.
Me too. And if both parties in a relationship could see it as the other does, there would be much less bitterness. The OP's ex probably sees it very differently. Did he lose 9 years? Did he lose money? He probably thinks so. It's easy to blame a failed relationship on the other person but not so easy to see what we did or didn't do in causing the failure.
The OP says it was a mistake to put all her eggs in one basket, but that's what we must do if a relationship is to have a chance. If we do that and everything else we can to make it succeed and it still fails, at least we know we tried. Do the right thing and do it the best that you can. Repeat if necessary.
I agree with the sentiments in the OP, but I feel the same about the bolded part above. Finding love and having a relationship does mean putting your eggs in one basket, giving fully of yourself. If you're holding back, you're cheating yourself, your partner and your relationship. That's the gamble with love.
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