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When my husband's female friend told him that no, their mutual male friend would not be picking me up at work and taking me back to his *my boyfriend* place, I let my boyfriend *we were not engaged at that time* handle his issues with her alone.
Once we married, I left my husband alone to handle his issues with his female friend as well.
You said "I do not get involved in their friendship.". The fact is however - you did get involved. You stepped right in any told him what he could and could not do with her. That was getting involved.
I am not saying there is anything _wrong_ with that. Everyone has their own preconceptions and parametres for what they want in a relationship. I am simply saying that the claim you do not get involved is clearly not entirely true. You have set the boundries early on - and as such did and do get involved.
As with some other posters on the thread - I myself am in the camp of people who simply would not continue in a relationship with people who presume to dictate to me who my friends can be - what type - and how I can interact with them.
That's just dumb. Either you trust your spouse or you don't. Period. There's no better way to lose a spouse than to start getting all bajiggity on him. If you've got a self-esteem problem, then that's your problem.
That's a ridiculous generalization. I've known many women who enjoy having casual sex and many men who don't. It may well be true that more men prefer it than women, but it's not even close to being "every male's dream."
let me answer that with this... I have always had male friends... Every single one of them married or not at some point has tried to sleep with me. Every one.
Now perhaps the men i know are a different kind of man, i dont know that others exist but that is just my world.. doesnt mean your husband falls into those type of men. He may be more ethical.. and hopefully he is, and you would know best what kind of person he is
You said "I do not get involved in their friendship.". The fact is however - you did get involved. You stepped right in any told him what he could and could not do with her. That was getting involved.
I am not saying there is anything _wrong_ with that. Everyone has their own preconceptions and parametres for what they want in a relationship. I am simply saying that the claim you do not get involved is clearly not entirely true. You have set the boundries early on - and as such did and do get involved.
As with some other posters on the thread - I myself am in the camp of people who simply would not continue in a relationship with people who presume to dictate to me who my friends can be - what type - and how I can interact with them.
Monumentus:
Here is my reply... the link below summarizes my feelings about the topic...
You said "I do not get involved in their friendship.". The fact is however - you did get involved. You stepped right in any told him what he could and could not do with her. That was getting involved.
The portion of my post that you quoted... where is the statement "I do not get involved in their relationship" in the portion of my post that you quoted?
That's just dumb. Either you trust your spouse or you don't.
And?
You either allow them to be who they want to be or you attempt to change the situation. That is true of every relationship, intimate or not
It doesn't change what will or won't be. It's not for you to decide.
Ignoreing very real boundaries in committed relationships and the draws of opposite sex relations out of blind trust is also asking for problems.
Its silly to ignore either end.
Last edited by rego00123; 04-23-2014 at 04:20 PM..
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